Alright, back to our nostalgic look at the first attempt at
forcing this down our throats making Suicide Squad into a comic since the Ostrander days.
Well, there's a lot going on in the cover... but all it goes to show is that everyone in this prison is pretty darn fugly and these people really... really...REALLY can't draw sharks.
Remember that time Harley Quinn set up this awesome prison riot in order to cover her escape? No?
No, well, you don't see that at all. Which is kind of cool in theory but due to all the time skips and limited time spent on plot in this series - to me it just comes off as lazy.
Anyway, here's Deadshot killing a bunch of rando's who have the decency to only look a little shocked or annoyed about it.
Yo-Yo is in the background on the next page and his head is smaller than his feet or hands once he super-sizes... so admittedly I don't know much about this character and his skill set so either the artist sucks at proportion or Yo-Yo can conveniently alter his size on different parts of his body simultaneously.
Waller comes on for a friendly chat about the mission - saying she's still not sure on who started this or why. All of the guards are in Z Block... for comparison the Squad is around E wing. So are they blocks or wings? Why is this comic so hard? Why are these guards so incompetent?
I mean, sure, all the inmates are super powered, super weird or super psychotic - but all the specified riot guards are contained in one area? If this facility is as long as the fucking alphabet, why are there not other divisions scattered around, or, you know, like any guards where they're actually needed?
Some of the more normal looking prisoners go to the hospital wing to take out some weakened enemies but meet Black Spider who must still be sick because he's vomiting out exposition about himself before he takes a lil' nap.
El Diablo almost goes the same way but the other prisoners are tired of hearing about back stories and not seeing them (much like recent cinema goers... hi-yoh!) so they take him out before he gets too preachy.
Look at this one guy's legs. I think it's the same guy anyway. One hairy ankle, one clean shaven ankle.
Now Waller worries about Harley Quinn while sending a wafer thin Yo-Yo to get King Shark from his drunk tank.
King Shark was on the cover doing actioney stuff but that's false advertising because he is resting his semi-aquatic butt cheeks doing absolutely nothing... apart from eating Yo-Yo.
In his defence... you really shouldn't put your face so close to a shark's mouth.
Waller takes out a scaly creep who wants her to get him off with good behaviour... not sure if he's serious or making a bad innuendo. Meanwhile Deadshot races to the guard tower to get the biggest gun he can find and then gets the plot twist shakes. Yeah, remember that nano-virus hoo-haa?
Well it's still slooooowly taking over his muscles instead of fully converting him. Deadshot is that asshole in every zombie movie who hides his infection. Don't the squad get health/body checks when the return?
Anyway, he screws up and falls from the guard tower but is totally not dead because main character.
Luckily, El Diablo uses that power that he used in the movie that everyone forgot he had in the comic because the comic was boring and forgettable.
He manages to torch everyone alive, save the day, impress Waller and get that funky Incredible Hulk style fashion going on.
Three hours later and Deadshot is in one of those suspended medical things from any sci-fi movie you can think of.
Waller knows about the virus and is working on it, Deadshot asks about the bomb even though it clearly should have gone off by now if it was still active. Why would Waller stand so close if it wasn't safe? Deadshot is brain-dead.
Out of the kindness of her heart, Waller honours their deal and arranges for a catch up with Deadshot's kid. Who looks Asian and is called Suchin. That's fine, but I'm certain she was a Caucasian kid when I last saw Deadshot's family in Secret Six.
She seems nice, but honestly, if this kid made a Wonder Woman (what does that even mean) and is then dumbing it down to do paints next.. I'd be speaking to this school for sure.
This kid also has like really pointy teeth. Is she going to be a plot twist villain? Where's her mum?
Have they changed the entire family again for no reason?
First he had a son (Eddie) that was killed for revenge story reasons, then he found out he had a daughter named Zoe (see above) the name was kept for the movie daughter (yet another race change for poor Zoe - although I'll chalk that one up to people changing roles to fit terrible actor Will Smith instead of vice versa. )
I could be wrong, maybe the new Zoe is Caucasian - but she sure don't look like her previous incarnation. Pretty sure she's part piranha in Suicide Squad.
She even looks different again in the Assault on Arkham movie, and here she looks like she's changed her eye colour and skin tone again.
Why does DC hate continuity so much?
Gah - anyway. Waller figures out it's Harley who's caused the damage because her guards did a head count. Um.. didn't El Diablo literally vaporise at least a couple of guys? Deadshot has his visit cut short and doesn't even tell his apparent daughter he loves her back. Not that she seems especially fazed by meeting her dad in this weirdo place.
It's okay though, we totally know where she's going guys. She's got like ten million maps and appears to be driving with the windows down so they fly everywhere. Great, good work genius. Maybe Waller could follow your papery breadcrumb trail if it wasn't so obvious you were going to Gotham.
Jeez... she even wears a hat to be incognito in her clown hooker outfit after killing two guards with a Chelsea smile.
Who wrote this crap?
Bonus page:
Probably the only reasonably attractive Suicide Squad cover ever being previewed... right next to Jim Lee's terrible doom inspiring jerk off sketch.
Explain yourself Mr Lee! What the hell were you thinking?! And what the bloody heck is on her feet?! Your Hush Harley Quinn was really good.. how did you screw this up so badly?
If you read between the lines here, it does seem like the
editor is trying to ask for help/blame everyone else for Harley's inclusion/ask for more doughnuts without getting killed by the higher ups.
The Short End of the Jester Schtick
Every time something gets interesting in this series, they either decide to jump cut to somewhere else and just never go back to it or they just start explaining everything to death.
There's very little Harley Quinn in this issue because they're leading up to her big history reveal in the next two issues but with the way the other characters are.. and as much as I hate New52 Quinn - it's boring as hell without her in it. The nearest we have to an interesting character is friggin' Yo-Yo.
And for the record, Yo-Yo also appears to be trying to bone Harley Quinn so there's that reason why I hate the one female team member surrounded by a billion men. It turns into a complete shaggin' wagon situation!
If writer Adam Glass was such a fan of Harley Quinn, I don't understand why he would change her character and put her in this situation. It's like watching bad fan fiction re-enacted by cosplayers.
Again I wonder why Secret Six - a comic with interesting characters, genuine sex appeal, good scenarios and humour was canned for this universal reboot.
