Porn Parody - Digital Playground's Suicide Squad

I have dipped my toe in, why not get the whole foot wet?
Uhh... that's supposed to be a pool analogy... maybe it doesn't work the best with a porn review.

Yes, I reviewed the other major one - Axel Braun's  version so now it's Digital Playground's turn.

This one stars Aria Alexander as Harley and Isiah Maxwell as Deadshot.

Now right off the bat - tee hee - you can tell this one is basically a vehicle for the Harley Quinn actress - Aria Alexander. The intro credits - even though very small, only show stylised images of Harley and hardly mentions a squad. There's the briefest of plots thrown our way as well... something about Lex Luthor in Gotham? It's not impossible.. but you know he's a Superman villain in Metropolis, right? Guys?

So we open with just Harley and Deadshot (like, there's REALLY no Squad at all, huh?) and first off I have an issue with Deadshot's headpiece.

My what a big... eyepiece... you have. Ain't that thing heavy? Harley's wig is not the best either. It's not the worst of the worst (Suicide Squad joke, anyone?) but every now and then you see the fake looking super shiny blonde-ness, or when she goes to flip her pigtail over her shoulder and the whole freaking thing shifts dramatically.

Perhaps I should mention that this thing is just over half an hour. So, what is the story?


Harley and Deadshot creeping into some dank ass slum pretending to track Luthor and trying to get

information. I understand that story might not be the most important thing in the world to the average porn watcher but this kills it for me. I mean, sending the loudest, ditziest member of the team and the sniper to get information? Total misuse of skill sets. Well, not that Suicide Squad Harley has been shown to have any skill sets apart from maybe a couple of acrobatic stunts and the ability to pull guns out of her flat ass but okay.

The acting is not the best - again, not super important for the average joe watching this and granted, there wasn't much for the actors to work with but damn. All I'll say is that Aria really captured all of Margot's Harley's annoying traits to a tee while Deadshot is here to be an impotent babysitter.



Harley: Don't touch my bat!
Also Harley: *touches Deadshot's stuff*

Deadshot: *complains about Harley killing the last two hench dudes*
Also Deadshot: *Offers Harley the next one because maybe it'll be different*






There's also some really random stuff like Harley looking at a barred window, grinning, then exclaiming that she loooooves wide open spaces and begins dancing around in the hallway. What the heck was that about?

Eventually our intrepid heroes find Luthor... I think. I mean, they just open a door and there's kingpin Luthor in some dodgy looking room with a bed and nothing but a briefcase. And also hair. 

Yeah.... Luthor has hair now, and for some reason is not splurging out for a nice hotel or capable bodyguards during his trip. I mean, they call him out for the hair but it's still like... you couldn't find a bald guy in porn? This guy didn't wanna shave his head? 

Anyway, Lex is completely misused. Harley starts a fight with Deadshot because she's toying with changing sides and doesn't like the Joker's name being brought up. In this little tiff, she shoves Luthor to the door and he legit just runs off casually. 

So naturally the 'fight' :

Deadshot is barely lifting a finger in this game of keep aways. 

"Stop it or I'll tell mom!"

..moves to the 'bed' - which is a bit of a turn off for me because good gravy it's probably encrusted with junkie bodily fluids or lice already and that makes me a bit uncomfortable. 

Like "Oh yeah, oh yeah... harder! Harder! Oh, watch out for that used needle and condom. Can ya move your knee, I'm falling down the hole in the mattress. Yeah... oh yeah... Theeeere ya go..! Are you as itchy as I am??"

"Watch it, you almost poked out my eye with your scope!"

Harley begins with giving Deadshot a blowjob, which is par for the course I guess but damn the last time I heard smacking/slurping sounds like that, I was trying to get the last dregs out of my super thickshake. Obviously, I'm not a guy so I don't know if this is supposed to be a turn on or if they're just over exaggerating and what not. I found it ironically distracting and annoying. Then the whole 'faux' choking noises start and it's like, you haven't even got the tip in. Girl, what are you doing?

Side note, I can understand the camera choice to go over Deadshot's shoulder and look down at Harley but that squiks me out. She just looks so desperate/distressed. It makes me feel like she's missing a speech bubble over her head that says something like "Please daddy, I'll do better, please don't beat me again!" and.... yeah. Not good.

Also don't get why they randomly stop and start slapping schlongs on their tongues and cheeks. Is it just for something different? Plus now the schlong's probably got a crap tonne of make-up on it and for Aria's sake I hope it's non-toxic.

"Aww, that stain will never come out!"

I can hear the actors conversing but unless you turn the volume really high you can't tell what they're saying over the slurpy, slappy gags. Come on, my neighbours think I'm weird enough, can you give me a pass here?

Well, at least they've changed tack and they're going for a what what in the butt. Although now all I can see is how dirty Harley's shirt is. They're either going for movie authentic or Harley's gun holster is rubbing off on it.


Her belt is too loose to do anything but be a rein for Deadshot and I think they spent more money on the shirt because her tights have a massive hole in the seat, like... oh. Ohhhh.

Aaaand they just went from what what in the butt to slammin' the smiley sam without any precursory wash in-between. Well, maybe they did but they didn't show it. Maybe that's not sexy enough but neither is thinking about UTI's.

Obligatory "Don't ya wanna rev up your Harley?" scene.

Just uh... don't pull the wig off man. 

Hahaha Deadshot had to adjust his stupid eye wear mid-coitus. There's also a bit where Deadshot holds Harley's pigtails like this again, but I'm honestly not sure if it's meant to be kinky or if he's just making sure her wig doesn't deviate.

So.. no plot. No bad guys popping in for a group session. No Squad intervening on comms. No idea why Luthor was even here in the first place? They just bang out their problems, then Deadshot hoists Harley over his shoulder and leaves the room, defiant of the fact that neither of them grabbed their pants or weapons. 

The Good:

* Harley sneak/prank attacking a goon. Very in character.

* The bra she was wearing for like twenty seconds was pretty

*She's good at being bent into a pretzel. 

*Harley's leg and arm tatts are nicer than the movie.Plus they got rid of half of them. Yay!

The Bad:

* You can hear the actors talking back and forth, but you can't make them out which is annoying. Or, if you can it's usually only Harley. 

* The plot. I mean, what the hell?

* Deadshot's eyepiece, Harley's wig

* No Squad to speak of. 

The Ugly:

* Pretty sure at one point you could see shaving rash in a tender area and a massive bruise on someone's arm

* The Lucky you tattoo is much lower down. It makes sense here, but reminds me how dumb the actual movie tattoo is. 

* Aforementioned ickiness of set, limited washing, and the the distress porn.

* The slurpy gags. 

The Short End of the Jester Schtick

Honestly, this was about where I thought it would be but also somehow worse?

Like, the length of it and lack of basic plot/characters lets you know that the absolute bare minimum went into producing this. It's literally fan wank material whipped up to cash in on the Suicide Squad movie release.

Some continuity errors - Harley's gum vanishes, her rotten tattoo gets smudged off. No blood on her bat after she kills some chumps. 

Some things are downright stupid - Deadshot saying they're on an undercover mission ten seconds after Harley screams at him about her bat. Then later, he tries it again and she turns around and screams at Luthor. There's no attempt to even tie it into any Suicide Squad lore like having Waller involved, Flag or any communications, no mention of bombs.


Some things showed a bit of effort - they clearly tried to imitate some of the shots from the movie trailer and I like this Harley's make-up a lot better.




It threw me off a bit because there was one scene where I thought Harley was going to seduce one of the thugs to get information... then she just killed him.

I was like... are they making fun of porn tropes or what? I mean, to have her do that would have made sense in this crappy narrative, they could have even have Deadshot get jealous or something but no.

The Axel Braun one in comparison actually did a lot more with it's characters, it had a basic plot (but still better than Suicide Squad itself) and there was humour. I literally laughed out loud at some parts because it was funny, not because it was bad. Here, it seemed like they just said "Here's Margot's skanky Harley, oh, she's so crazy and so insane and stuff" and that was the only direction. But none of her lines even make sense from the crazy perspective, she's just talking random shit and trying to be edgy I reckon.

I feel like the people who made this had no prior experience with the comics and just didn't care to do a few hour's research. 

Wotta Comedian!

Harley: Looks like our bad boy millionaire has a hard on for slumming!

Deadshot: This place is a shithole. 

Harley: We picked the right side of evil, just saying. And this bat, is like, Chanel. 

Thug: Hey, Pigtails! You wanna fight with your boyfriend, go find another alley. This one's private property. 

Harley: You got it boss! Nuthin' but hugs and kisses. Mwah!

Harley: Now I know why you're so jealous of the Joker!

Harley: Would you hold this gun to my head while you f*** me?
Deadshot: Mm..No.
Harley: Fine then, I'll do it.

Harley: You're f------ a crazy bitch and not even taking advantage of it?

Bonus Panel!

Lex Luthor in Gotham, slumming it and. With. HAIR. Nope, can't get past it.