Birds of Prey Episode 6: Primal Scream

Well, it's been a while since I've done one of these, and even though this iteration is elseworlds, it's still more canon than the "Birds of Prey" movie so let's go!

Detective Reece fiddles with the fancy new ring he got out of a Christmas cracker, then lo and behold...HUNTRESS APPEARS! She had to wait until the ambulance passing distracted him so she could make her grand arrival, so she was probably sitting up a tree waiting patiently for a few minutes. He's impressed by her timing, she's bragging about her speed like she's a pizza delivery or courier mail service, he wants to get onto talking about kicking it up a notch in their relationship, she's not sold and I'm over here thinking HOW did she know where he was AND how did she get there so fast, she just has to be stalking this guy, seriously.

Anyway, they're off flirting or whatever it is that's not an emergency but meanwhile, the club is getting shot up by a bunch of motorcycle dorks wearing animal head pieces. I mean, I'm kinda impressed by the skill it must have took to ride the motorbike and hold up a club while wearing something that may impede your vision, but the furry in me is offended at how lazy their costumes are. I mean, just the heads? No tails or anything?? Maaaaan!

That said, it may not just be a gang gimmick because when the bartender pulls a gun, Cathead does some super speed ninja-ing to save a wolf friend. Props for this one thug to go the cartoon route when their colleagues clearly decided on an ultra-realistic theme. You might even say this lone wolf went against the pack mentality? Hehehe.

Then just to show she's super cool, cat lady downs a random drink at the bar which is a very bad example. I mean, that drink could have been spiked, backwashed in, or just taste feral.
This gang at least seem to care enough about each other, and are also their own hype men. But wait... why does cat lady have a similar necklace to the one Helena was wearing? Her penchant for leather outerwear and fancy violence?? Probably because...

*pause for dramatic reveal*

It IS Helena!

Birds of Prey Episode 5: Sins of the Mother

After all this talk of the Bird of Prey movie that at this point just seems to be a vehicle for Maggots instead of the story we deserve about the ACTUAL Birds of Prey, I just felt like watching something where even an alternate version of Harley Quinn is better than the mainstream garbage. 

Not pictured: Hollywood bimbos stinking up everything

So let's get into Episode 5 of Birds of Prey: Sins of the Mother.

Ahhh my CGI p0rn... how I have missed you.

Where was I? Oh right.. the inventively named New Gotham Station is our first stop, and also our first bad train pun on my behalf. But... who is this strange lady?

Well I'm guessing she's someone's mother from the title. I knew I should have gone to Detective School. Damn! A wasted opportunity!!!

Anyway, blonde lady glares at the city then puts on some dramatic sunglasses. After yelling "YEEEAAAAAH!" stalks off into the throng of unwashed masses wandering around the set. Immediately, a thug appears from stage right and makes a phone call. Like... was he just staring at her the whole time. He's not exactly inconspicuous. He makes a call from a bright sunny exterior into some musty, dusty, afternoon type lit room full of weapons and some dude in a suit.

Turns out our new lady friend has a price on her head. Musty Man (Fitz?) tries to tell some other guy about the new development but Sitting Down Clown only wants to instruct him on correct breathing techniques or something.

Pictured: My face when people try to get me into yoga

Birds of Prey episode 4: Three birds and a baby

This episode opens up with a screaming yet obviously fake baby in it's mother's arms, she is also screaming and running from a bad guy on one of those classically American fire escapes.
Those things never look safe to me. Anyway, in protecting her child from some weirdo thug - is this guy really going to change dem nappies? I don't think so! - they drop the child over the edge.

Fortunately, Huntress is there and catches it, rather like a football.. actually but no matter. I'm sure this baby doll's fragile body is fine with that and being shaken around while Huntress fights off more conveniently hidden until now goons.

Hang in there, baby. 

It goes slow-mo for a bit which just makes the whole fake baby thing even more painfully obvious.. I mean, they could at least pretend to give it some neck support and change the repetitive crying track but no. I mean, shit, Huntress does like three or four flips. Is this child okay??

Anyway, she wins and then for some reason goes to hold out the child to the mother (even though she's like, how many stories up?) and sees she's been stabbed. Ungrateful baby continues crying but that's fair enough considering she's now an orphan and probably has some sort of neck injury.

Back at the clocktower, there's a scene of the girls looking for too long into the diaper to check the sex of the baby so they don't have to keep calling it... IT.
Dinah wants to name him but Helena decides she's happy with calling it 'Boy' and then prods him with a pencil. She gives Barbara severe stink eye when she's told not to poke the baby.
Like, what else do you do with infants, right?

Fortunately, Dinah was a pro-level babysitter back in the day. She names the baby 'Guy' and shows proper carrying techniques which means this child may even survive the episode if they can keep him away from Helena.

Helena's like 'what? you guys want to look after this thing? ugh!' like it's completely unreasonable even though she has literally just come from a murder scene where at least ONE parent has been killed and there was obviously no one else to leave Guy with. Plus, as they're not even sure why the mother was killed, this baby could be next in line.

Sadly, after jinxing everyone with a casual 'how hard can this be?', Barbara makes the call of throwing the baby at Helena once he starts crying. Showing her competitiveness, Helena starts yelling about the baby crying. Now, I'm no expert on the childrens but I'm fairly confident that this is the best way to calm them down.

This somehow works because the baby seems to like Helena? Now I know all that shaking and flipping shook something loose!

Aha! So the mother wasn't the mother at all! Turns out she was a lab assistant who broke in and stole the child, hence her being killed by the other.. assistants? On call ninjas? I don't know.
I'm kinda confused though.. is this supposed to be an IVF thing, have they straight up taken some child and added things to their DNA or have they literally grown/cloned this thing?
The kids like, at least a year old! (I don't know babies but he's not a new born!)

Harleen wanted this child because she fancies her green eyes and the Joker's amazing green hair in a child. I would have figured this differently because green isn't his natural hair colour (plus Harley's eyes are meant to be blue) but apparently the Mr. J in this universe wanted kids.
Jury is still out on whether or not he wanted kids like Batman has proteges a'la Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker but there you go.

Either way, Harley gets out of doing the deed herself!

Birds of Prey Episode 3: Prey for the Hunter

We open on Oracle and Huntress having some girl time... sassy chats in the earpiece while Huntress punches some creepy acid tongue lizard thief guy..... Wow that's pretty specific.
Anyway, Huntress is bemoaning not being normal, that bad guys keep ruining her outfits and the victims aren't even worth helping. Ouch. Bad day much?

Not as bad as her perp's. For one thing, he's got that acid tongue thing going on, then he gets punched a lot, doesn't get to keep his stolen wares, is thrown in a dumpster, and then something else throws him OUT of the dumpster giving him a wicked boo boo in the process.



Meanwhile in our CGI cop shop, a new transfer from Bludhaven does a meet and greet with Reese. Turns out he's chasing a serial killer who never uses the same method twice.

Reese takes on his Mulder Jr. and they decide to take down this freaky deaky killer gorilla. After the shortest working day in history, Reese heads out onto the street where he is promptly scared shitless by Huntress jumping down five storeys in front of him.


Huntress tries out her 'I saved your life, you owe me confidential investigation details' but gets shot down pretty fast. They both have a mini temper tantrum with Huntress vanishing and Reese blatantly jaywalking into traffic playing chicken.

Meanwhile back at the Clocktower, Barbara finds out that the perp was killed via his own acid.

As far as they're aware Metas mostly always have different powers (must not have any knock-offs or sidekicks in this universe then) so they decide to have Helena question some mysterious guy in No Man's Land.

Dinah wants to go too but Barbara denies this request saying not on a school night but here's the address anyway!

Birds of Prey episode 2: Slick

Thus begins our recap of episode two of Birds of Prey. 

Above, we have the cast as predominantly featured in the comic series. 

Barbara Gordon and Black Canary are the main characters followed closely by Huntress. The roster usually varies but here we have Lady Blackhawk (Zinda Blake) as well as Hawk and Dove (Hank Hall and Dawn Granger respectively) 

As you might remember, the television show is only loosely based on this series and I think that's partly why it didn't go over so well with audiences that weren't ready to comprehend alternate universe Bat-characters and bad special effects. 

Barbara Gordon - former Batgirl and current Oracle survived the transition pretty seamlessly. Huntress here is actually the offspring of Batman and Catwoman and is meta-human. Which means she's got half of her mother's random cat powers and all of her dad's gloomy attire and punchiness. 

Dinah is the most random.. she's super young and has mental based powers. 

Birds of Prey episode 1: Pilot

Alright - finally time to get back into Birds of Prey: the 2002 TV show that was a bit too far out there or perhaps early for it's time. Heaven knows today is the golden age of superhero shows being green lit left right and centre even if they're corny AF.

I think one of the main problems this show was that it was sort of an Elseworlds story. People would watch it and be all like who's Helena Kyle? Why is Dinah a little psychic kid? Where's Batman? What's a meta? Nothing, what's the meta with you? Haha I joke.

Alfred Pennyworth narrates our intro which shows a lot of CGI city porn... uhm, a lot of CGI city po- I mean, a lot, a lot a lot a lot of CGI city po- there's Loo-LOOOOOTS of CGI city porn, HUGE huuge amounts... ch-gk-gah.... LOOOTS!