Alright - finally time to get back into Birds of Prey: the 2002 TV show that was a bit too far out there or perhaps early for it's time. Heaven knows today is the golden age of superhero shows being green lit left right and centre even if they're corny AF.
I think one of the main problems this show was that it was sort of an Elseworlds story. People would watch it and be all like who's Helena Kyle? Why is Dinah a little psychic kid? Where's Batman? What's a meta? Nothing, what's the meta with you? Haha I joke.
Alfred Pennyworth narrates our intro which shows a lot of CGI city porn... uhm, a lot of CGI city po- I mean, a lot, a lot a lot a lot of CGI city po- there's Loo-LOOOOOTS of CGI city porn, HUGE huuge amounts... ch-gk-gah.... LOOOTS!
We learn via flashback that Catwoman and Batman did the nasty for real and popped out Helena Kyle.
There is a pretty cool Burton-Batman inspired opening scene where you can glimpse Batman, Joker and Catwoman before being crushingly brought back to reality where Catwoman in her civilian get up has been fairly bloodlessly stabbed by Joker in a ridiculously crowded alley in front of her daughter.
The problem with this is that.. yeah.. Joker would do that kind of act but he would do it in a 'humorous' way or at least make sure Batman was there to see it. The other problem is Helena's terrible grief acting. That probably sounds callous but she's just shaking her mother's corpse and then yelling in an emotionless way for someone to 'stop (Joker)' who is JUST STANDING THERE IN THE CROWD WATCHING. He does this for a long time before dropping the knife and running off.
Being Gotham, no one stops him. Or apparently calls an ambulance. Or does... anything actually.
Next on Joker's hitlist is Batgirl and we see a flashback to a Killing Joke scene that does about as well as the animated version's treatment of Batgirl. In the comic, Barbara's shooting is a means to psychologically break her father but here Joker knows she's Batgirl and comes after her directly to get revenge on Batman for winning a fight.
Then we get to meet Dinah Lance.
Justice League bad ass, Birds of Prey long serving member, a woman who can scream the house down but knows enough martial arts to not have to. Her street smarts and wit make her a great character to read about and she is in one of the most shipped pairings in DC - Black Canary and Green Arrow.
Aaaand we get a young girl miles away who is psychic or a meta or something and wakes up screaming her own house down about the stabbing/shooting she saw in New Gotham. Despite having a lot of these 'dreams' she's told she's crazy by her parents and eventually she heads to New Gotham herself. On the bus, we see her getting hit on by Aaron 'science, bitch!' Paul and trying to explain her not crazy craziness to him.
Barbara is different too - in her normal characterisation she's a wicked smart librarian who memorises things for life. When we first see her in a speaking role, she's in a classroom struggling to remember the new guidance councillor who's hitting on her already. I get it, it's TV, it's more for our benefit to introduce this new character instead of having Barbara know him deeply so soon but still.
She awkwardly ditches him for her beeper, we get some CGI clock porn and I sure hope class has finished for the day because Barbara has clocked herself out of school/work! Haha... yeah.
Turns out Huntress/Helena has beeped (that's a nineties version of a text message kiddies!) Oracle but is totally not answering Oracle's request for an answer because she's in therapy. Guess who with??
What's black, blonde and red all over and specialises in psychiatry? Harley Quinn!
Helena's been going to therapy for three months and has hardly said a word. As Harleen points out, it's not the best way to resolve her issues. Helena's a bit of a smart ass and is unhelpful on purpose during her court ordered anger management sessions (for apparently steam rolling an entire street in New Gotham) but Harleen weedles information out of her like who her father is and how he didn't know about her.
In the meantime Dinah has arrived in New Gotham just in time to watch a random go crazy at a bus stop and then run into the street to get hit by a vehicle. She touches his hand just in time to get dragged into another psychic nightmare involving rats and a suspicious bad guy stereotype on the bus stop bench. She meets a wise cracking black cop and his arrogant had-enough-of-this-shit white partner but fails to impress them with HER unhelpful vagueness.
Barbara tracks down Helena at her workplace - a bar/nightclub - and they proceed to yell loudly about their vigilante business. Dinah goes to creepy Aaron's creepy street full of creepy cat callers we can't see for a creepy non-existent party and where he is creepy and obscured by shadows before getting attacked by Huntress.
Helena's costume kinda looks more at home in a vampire story and I'm not sure how appropriate the see through lacy cloak is but hey superheros are all about wish fulfilment as opposed to practicality.
Huntress has a lot of witty one liners but creepy Aaron isn't interested in joining her in the conversation. Her pupils go from human to cat-like and turn from red to green to blue in the process. She also makes a lot of auto-tuned large cat growls. Get used to this part because it happens a lot.
Creepy Aaron legs it - no one cat calls the cat lady surprisingly and Dinah fan girls about her before accidentally doing a Rogue and gleaning secret hideout information from one touch. Huntress shrugs off this creepiness but is startled to find later on that Dinah has accessed her bank information and emails for nefarious purposes.... nah, just kidding.
Oracle is green lit by her computer which is a nice touch, Huntress bitches about being hungry and Dinah gets punched in the face while doing the worse sneak into a hideout ever.
Helena and Barbara don't bother to hide their identities in front of this random kid but decline to let her join. Alfred appears! Alfred is classic and awesome.
Helena is beginning to open up slightly about her father to Harleen while Barbara and Dinah investigate the rat related murder that looks like a suicide. Helena then checks out some leads and fails to wear gloves while she touches everything at a murder scene. Over enthusiastic cop Reese appears and detains Huntress, who thinks she's talking to voices in her head as she's yet to figure out how to speak into a headpiece.
Dinah bluffs her way onto the next recon mission by using her potty mouth despite being a tweenage girl with no fighting skills whatsoever and promptly falls through a shitty piece of floor without getting hurt. Huntress again touches literally everything with her bare hands at a potential next crime scene and gets invited into the person's home despite looking a bit like a vampire hooker.
Barbara has a flashback to that last fight with Joker before he got extremely pissy about it and shot her. I have to say, this is an excellent Batgirl costume, so props to the designer for making it look so awesome and comic-realistic without looking super campy or weird.
Dinah further risks her mission by calling Barbara by her real name over the headpiece. Oracle, for some reason, lets this slide in favour of viewing the suuuper convenient evidence someone left behind. Huntress discovers that the dude she's here to protect/investigate is like, totally evil and drugs her. He's also got the best line of the entire episode:
"We lost a great leader but from the ashes where he fell we're going to rise again and we're going to build an empire that will make the world tremble. Or something like that! I was always a little fuzzy on the details, I'm more of a big picture kinda guy."
Barbara races to the scene and there's a trippy mind maze scene where she enters Helena's mind with the help of a convenience Dinah and appears as a de-masked Batgirl. The whole things serves as Oracle's explanation of why she chose this life and has a very Sin City effect to it.
A mental battle ensues.. literally.. and when the ladies win, the bad guy is basically comatose - a part of his mind trapped in Helena's or something. They dump his ass at... well, where else?
Yeah, that place isn't going out of business any time soon.
Reese advises Harleen that he was dropped off with a bunch of evidence and because they weren't sure if he was dangerous or not, he's in a circular container as opposed to a cell and he gets his own nice clean hug jacket.
"Call me Harley!" She coos to Reese but the second he leaves her demeanour changes.
She stalks into the cell and berates Larry for being such a disappointment to her. After all, she had a plan, she needed those documents. She wanted to turn New Gotham into a world under her command, full of people writhing in agony. Larry failed her, so she angrily karate kicks his ass into the floor.
"Well, it just goes to show. Never send a business man to do a psychopath's job."
Dinah was unattended for like two minutes and is already into the Batarangs - which look more like detached buzzsaws. How they aren't dead, I have no idea.
Barbara has a moment outside the clock tower, admitting that she never really let go of Batgirl.
We black out to nineties punk pop and a CGI bat headbutts the camera.
I think one of the main problems this show was that it was sort of an Elseworlds story. People would watch it and be all like who's Helena Kyle? Why is Dinah a little psychic kid? Where's Batman? What's a meta? Nothing, what's the meta with you? Haha I joke.
Alfred Pennyworth narrates our intro which shows a lot of CGI city porn... uhm, a lot of CGI city po- I mean, a lot, a lot a lot a lot of CGI city po- there's Loo-LOOOOOTS of CGI city porn, HUGE huuge amounts... ch-gk-gah.... LOOOTS!
We learn via flashback that Catwoman and Batman did the nasty for real and popped out Helena Kyle.
There is a pretty cool Burton-Batman inspired opening scene where you can glimpse Batman, Joker and Catwoman before being crushingly brought back to reality where Catwoman in her civilian get up has been fairly bloodlessly stabbed by Joker in a ridiculously crowded alley in front of her daughter.
The problem with this is that.. yeah.. Joker would do that kind of act but he would do it in a 'humorous' way or at least make sure Batman was there to see it. The other problem is Helena's terrible grief acting. That probably sounds callous but she's just shaking her mother's corpse and then yelling in an emotionless way for someone to 'stop (Joker)' who is JUST STANDING THERE IN THE CROWD WATCHING. He does this for a long time before dropping the knife and running off.
Being Gotham, no one stops him. Or apparently calls an ambulance. Or does... anything actually.
Next on Joker's hitlist is Batgirl and we see a flashback to a Killing Joke scene that does about as well as the animated version's treatment of Batgirl. In the comic, Barbara's shooting is a means to psychologically break her father but here Joker knows she's Batgirl and comes after her directly to get revenge on Batman for winning a fight.
Then we get to meet Dinah Lance.
Justice League bad ass, Birds of Prey long serving member, a woman who can scream the house down but knows enough martial arts to not have to. Her street smarts and wit make her a great character to read about and she is in one of the most shipped pairings in DC - Black Canary and Green Arrow.Aaaand we get a young girl miles away who is psychic or a meta or something and wakes up screaming her own house down about the stabbing/shooting she saw in New Gotham. Despite having a lot of these 'dreams' she's told she's crazy by her parents and eventually she heads to New Gotham herself. On the bus, we see her getting hit on by Aaron 'science, bitch!' Paul and trying to explain her not crazy craziness to him.
Barbara is different too - in her normal characterisation she's a wicked smart librarian who memorises things for life. When we first see her in a speaking role, she's in a classroom struggling to remember the new guidance councillor who's hitting on her already. I get it, it's TV, it's more for our benefit to introduce this new character instead of having Barbara know him deeply so soon but still.
She awkwardly ditches him for her beeper, we get some CGI clock porn and I sure hope class has finished for the day because Barbara has clocked herself out of school/work! Haha... yeah.
Turns out Huntress/Helena has beeped (that's a nineties version of a text message kiddies!) Oracle but is totally not answering Oracle's request for an answer because she's in therapy. Guess who with??
What's black, blonde and red all over and specialises in psychiatry? Harley Quinn!
In the meantime Dinah has arrived in New Gotham just in time to watch a random go crazy at a bus stop and then run into the street to get hit by a vehicle. She touches his hand just in time to get dragged into another psychic nightmare involving rats and a suspicious bad guy stereotype on the bus stop bench. She meets a wise cracking black cop and his arrogant had-enough-of-this-shit white partner but fails to impress them with HER unhelpful vagueness.
Barbara tracks down Helena at her workplace - a bar/nightclub - and they proceed to yell loudly about their vigilante business. Dinah goes to creepy Aaron's creepy street full of creepy cat callers we can't see for a creepy non-existent party and where he is creepy and obscured by shadows before getting attacked by Huntress.
Helena's costume kinda looks more at home in a vampire story and I'm not sure how appropriate the see through lacy cloak is but hey superheros are all about wish fulfilment as opposed to practicality.
Huntress has a lot of witty one liners but creepy Aaron isn't interested in joining her in the conversation. Her pupils go from human to cat-like and turn from red to green to blue in the process. She also makes a lot of auto-tuned large cat growls. Get used to this part because it happens a lot.
Creepy Aaron legs it - no one cat calls the cat lady surprisingly and Dinah fan girls about her before accidentally doing a Rogue and gleaning secret hideout information from one touch. Huntress shrugs off this creepiness but is startled to find later on that Dinah has accessed her bank information and emails for nefarious purposes.... nah, just kidding.
Oracle is green lit by her computer which is a nice touch, Huntress bitches about being hungry and Dinah gets punched in the face while doing the worse sneak into a hideout ever.
Helena and Barbara don't bother to hide their identities in front of this random kid but decline to let her join. Alfred appears! Alfred is classic and awesome.
Helena is beginning to open up slightly about her father to Harleen while Barbara and Dinah investigate the rat related murder that looks like a suicide. Helena then checks out some leads and fails to wear gloves while she touches everything at a murder scene. Over enthusiastic cop Reese appears and detains Huntress, who thinks she's talking to voices in her head as she's yet to figure out how to speak into a headpiece.
Dinah bluffs her way onto the next recon mission by using her potty mouth despite being a tweenage girl with no fighting skills whatsoever and promptly falls through a shitty piece of floor without getting hurt. Huntress again touches literally everything with her bare hands at a potential next crime scene and gets invited into the person's home despite looking a bit like a vampire hooker.
Barbara has a flashback to that last fight with Joker before he got extremely pissy about it and shot her. I have to say, this is an excellent Batgirl costume, so props to the designer for making it look so awesome and comic-realistic without looking super campy or weird.
Dinah further risks her mission by calling Barbara by her real name over the headpiece. Oracle, for some reason, lets this slide in favour of viewing the suuuper convenient evidence someone left behind. Huntress discovers that the dude she's here to protect/investigate is like, totally evil and drugs her. He's also got the best line of the entire episode:
"We lost a great leader but from the ashes where he fell we're going to rise again and we're going to build an empire that will make the world tremble. Or something like that! I was always a little fuzzy on the details, I'm more of a big picture kinda guy."
Barbara races to the scene and there's a trippy mind maze scene where she enters Helena's mind with the help of a convenience Dinah and appears as a de-masked Batgirl. The whole things serves as Oracle's explanation of why she chose this life and has a very Sin City effect to it.
Yeah, that place isn't going out of business any time soon.
Reese advises Harleen that he was dropped off with a bunch of evidence and because they weren't sure if he was dangerous or not, he's in a circular container as opposed to a cell and he gets his own nice clean hug jacket.
"Call me Harley!" She coos to Reese but the second he leaves her demeanour changes.
She stalks into the cell and berates Larry for being such a disappointment to her. After all, she had a plan, she needed those documents. She wanted to turn New Gotham into a world under her command, full of people writhing in agony. Larry failed her, so she angrily karate kicks his ass into the floor.
She's pretty emotional about this set back but seconds later is all smiles - this slight failure is of course, only temporary. She wishes she could talk to him to find out who thwarted her.
"Well, it just goes to show. Never send a business man to do a psychopath's job."
Dinah was unattended for like two minutes and is already into the Batarangs - which look more like detached buzzsaws. How they aren't dead, I have no idea.
Barbara has a moment outside the clock tower, admitting that she never really let go of Batgirl.
We black out to nineties punk pop and a CGI bat headbutts the camera.
Clock porn gallery!
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