Suicide Squad: Black Files #1 & 2

A 6 issue mini series - because we certainly don't have enough Suicide Squad comics and spin offs!

Well actually these Suicide Squad comics aren't too bad... just imagine what the Suicide Squad film could have been if the actors had an ounce of the characterisation the comic book characters do!

Anyway - there are still some flaws, which I'll get into in a minute. Firstly, I'm doing two issues at a time with this series as Harley isn't in very much of these, which is a bit refreshing actually.

My first issue with this... issue... um, is that it shows that Harley hasn't learnt a damn thing since the Banana Splits spin off. Here's the squad in sunny somewhere in Eastern Europe. Wait, it's not sunny at all, why, they're in some sort of alpine, snow bitten hell hole, miles from hot chocolate and fluffy snowboots! And what does Harley have to say about all this?

Yep. Hurry up, I'm cold. Look, it's fair enough. Seems pretty cold out there. What does the rest of the squad have to say?

Heh heh heh... oh, Boomerang. 

Now we have an excellent idea of what's going on. Boomerang, in his beanie, overcoat and scarf - is freezing. Everyone's breath is coming out in puffs - like so many magic dragons. It's freakin' cold. 

So... why is Harley running around in short shorts, baring her stomach and not even doing up her jacket?

Like.... she JUST said she was freezing her butt off. Someone sat down and planned this scene, some one else drew it and inked it, someone else coloured it. Presumably someone else - or a few people proofed it. Aaaaaand no one else thought - hey, Harley's complaining about being cold in the snowy mountains. Maybe we shouldn't draw her jacket undone!

This is pretty much what she did in Suicide Squad New52 AND the Banana Splits thing. The only exception is that she wasn't whinging about the cold there. Both other times she's been given jackets and left them unzipped, or had a sleeveless jacket, or somehow LOST her jacket while everyone else kept theirs, even the fully clothed guys.

HELL, THE GUY WHO IS LITERALLY ON FIRE BEHIND HARLEY (left pic) HAS HIS JACKET ZIPPED UP!

But not Harley. Oh no.


The only person wearing less than Harley is King Shark, and he doesn't seem to feel cold. But oh, Harley can't ever be fully clothed, and especially not in colder climates! Oh, no!


Does DC think we won't know who she is if we can't see her midriff, cleavage or thighs?

"The cold never bothered me anyway... it bothered fanboys who can't see my body."

It's one thing if you don't expect to be shipped off to somewhere like this, but I doubt that's the case here. It's not like the New 52 where Waller's team briefings usually consisted of "I hate you all and I'm not telling you scumbags anything relevant" before shipping them off to some random place. No, this version of Suicide Squad has a bit more clout with Waller and have a heads up as to what they should expect and what they're doing.

Plus, Harley is the queen of costume changes. You're telling me she couldn't pack something more appropriate? Pull the other one!

Anyway it's just inappropriate fan service combined with horrible characterisation and dumb logic so it bugs me..... Not sure if you noticed back there or not.


Uh... where was I? Oh, right. Katana being awesome ninja around some frozen mountain to defeat Kobra. Hey, this rings a bell.


Narrator: GI Joe is the code name for America's daring, awesomely-trained, awesome mission force. Its purpose: to fight Cobra, because they're terrorists. Look, I think I'm over-explaining it: the bad guys are snakes and the good guys are Army people.



Thanks, Narrator!

So the team make their way up to Katana following her non-subtle signal and they wreak havoc on the terrorists. Well, it's that old formulaic focus on one hero who says a witty line/replies to a villain's threat then it cuts to them karate chopping/shooting/blowing up their opponent, then repeat with the next character. 

This issue takes that trope as gospel and boy is it about to preach. 

To be honest, I'm surprised that Harley Quinn wasn't given one of these scenes but then she did get the first jab in and the obligatory butt kiss from a supporting character. Although, it's from Katana so it could be sarcastic. I mean, she does emphasise seeing Harley and not HEARING her. 

I've actually gotta give this comic props for not overusing Harley Quinn - you don't see her again from her entrance to the Kobra hideout until Kobra decides to cut out several pages and just attack them with a purple beam. Alright, so, I like to avoid reading about Cobra/Hydra knock-offs so I don't actually know what the purple beam is. I'm dumbfounded that a group who talk like they only had rudimentary English lessons run solely by disgruntled, pompous and villainous English professors - have the audacity to make what appears to be a main weapon in their arsenal... sound so juvenile!

Sure, the Amazons have a purple healing ray and can talk like they have Mount Olympus and all of it's associated mythology shoved up their butts with the best of them but.. they aren't villains. They don't need to be over theatrical. Kobra kinda needs to be as over the top as possible to stand out because they don't have much else going for them. 

So Kobra and their.... *sigh* .... purple nurple shoots the squad from a blaster that looks like it stole General Grievous' face mask and causes people to address other people by yelling KOBRA strangely. 

Yeah... was this someone yelling KOBRA as in "look out, it's Kobra!" or someone forgetting Kobra was the enemy as was warning them about the incoming beam? It's confusing. 

Just like this scene. Is this a LOL-so-random Harley Quinn moment or is she seriously about to eat that C4? I mean, Boomerang and Enchantress are just standing there doing nothing, but someone gave all the C4 to Harley? 

Maybe I would feel better if Harley's eye make-up could control itself somewhat. 

That said, we're still doing ten times better than the Suicide Squad movie, and the New 52 Suicide Squads. The art makes sense, the colours pop, they're on a proper mission, characters work as a team, they work to their strengths, no one hogs the spotlight - even Katana who does the majority of the work here - and even this one panel here - you can see at a glance what every character is about but it's not in your face like so many sequined butts.  

Katana goes back to her apartment and meets up with her foster kid - who reminds me a lot of both Crazy Quilt, Jem and the Holograms and also Karolina Dean. Maybe even Dazzler. 

She's upset because the girls at her school hate her being so pretty and friendly. Katana's like, yeah, I saw that movie and high school sucks. Let me go talk to my deceased husband and then we'll go eat some horrible fast food. 

She sort of explains how she met Gabrielle but it's either her only introduction or they're recapping a previous comic I haven't read. It's kind of interesting for the aspect that Katana is trying to keep Gabrielle a secret from Waller for fear of what would happen to her. So it gets you thinking ooh, does Waller actually know already or not? 

Maseo - Katana's husband seems nice but he seems to throw that away when he laughs at her and then assumes she feels guilty about the death of her kids and brings it up even though she asks him not to. This healthy chat concludes with the two of them agreeing that at least Kobra guy can't mack out with his EVIL PARAMOUR EVE. Hey, that's the kind of evil flair Kobra needs! Good work!

.....bad work? Umm. 

Anyway, now we get a tour of the sea sewers and vivid descriptions about how the tunnels are... snake like.. yeah... we get it. You're Kobra. Sigh. 

So Kobra guy is like "You hench people are so incompetent! How can you NOT bring someone back to life? We're IN a COMIC BOOK!" talking about his EVIL PARAMOUR EVE, who, being evil, is missing her soul. Oh, sorry. She's actually missing her soul because of Katana. 

Haha look at that shifty guy whistlin'..

From what I can see, EVIL PARAMOUR EVE is either a half naked corpse on a slab because she's female or a vaguely snake themed villainess who's totally stealing Big Barda's style. I mean, you better be pretty damn confident in yourself if you're gonna shake that tree. 

As it turns out, the world inside the sword is pretty vast and reminiscent of Beetlejuice's Netherworld and/or miniature town, and wouldn't you know it, EVIL PARAMOUR EVE has managed to find the one haunted house that contains a magician who she can trick into falling for her and teaching her all of his secrets so she can escape the sword world. 

Oh okay, this outfit is much better, and it does solve the problem of me having to write Moredor with a straight face. Ah - no, she's back to the cape and stupid helmet. Barda! Get over here!!

Predictably - EVIL PARAMOUR EVE escapes at just the right time to destroy Katana's chance at a suitable dinner. And Gabrielle was so hungry! Damn you, EVIL PARAMOUR EVE!!! On the plus side, Katana's quick change was frickin' amazing. On the downside, EVIL PARAMOUR EVE has managed to both steal Katana's body and kick Katana's soul into her own sword. Ouch. 

It's a bit confusing how this happened... and while the 'mirror image' is cool - does... does EVIL PARAMOUR EVE know she's in Katana's body? I mean, her words make it seem like she does but then... this isn't how mirrors work.. soo...

Also confusing - the comic leaves a 'next issue' tag, but the comic continues with El Diablo and Gentleman Ghost running from stuff and contemplating how they can't die.. sort of. I do like the idea of the Cerberus Agents - especially Snarlgoyle. Man, that name is cool. The other guys are not as cool, but you know. Gargoyles. 

Turns out El Diablo is dating/or trying to date Killer Frost proving that fire and ice is still a best selling topic. He writes her a prison letter telling her he wants to be a hero. Meanwhile, Waller arranges for a contained Klarion/Teekl. Why/how is he contained? Some sort of trouble in Texas? That sounds plausible for an witch boy... but it also sounds like a bad Western themed movie. 

Ahhhh.... I do like these Tarot cards - especially Klarion's! 

We then get a little title card... but the comic continues? Klarion destroy's Faust's magical barrier and Waller gets to see what's happening with El Diablo's magical Suicide Squad. Then Aladdin jumps in?

Yes.... THAT Aladdin. I don't like seeing my Disney characters in comics with the exception of Fables... but I'm just glad it's not Will Smith stinking up another franchise. 

So we see Juniper - some sort of 'green' butterfly thing and Azucar - a sugar skull inmate who dresses in the vein of Harley Quinn. 

And now we finally have the end of the issue.

Katana's obviously concerned that one of her mortal enemies has trapped her and stolen her physical body... and her husband chooses this time to make out with her.

Maybe that's harsh. If I was a lost soul unable to caress my significant other and had nothing else to do all day besides fight weird soul things inside a sword, I'd surely make out with him first. At the same time, either multitask or prioritise! Evil bitches be getting away!

Also, evil bitches be stealing swords and being rude to Tatsu and shit. Gabrielle is so starved for affection that she doesn't even question 'Katana' basically ordering her around and suddenly wanting to leave the apartment flaunting Gabrielle's powers. I'm personally a bit concerned about the portal thing looking into Tatsu's apartment from the sword realm. Like... can anyone look in here, or just Tatsu because she's linked to the sword and the apartment and stuff?

So looking past that creepy stuff ... EVIL PARAMOUR EVE uses Katana's body to lay siege to the Kobra Kastle with her Katana Kombat. At first King Kobra's like "Hey what the hell man?!" but then he's like "Ooh, I like your eyes, let's ditch this shiny kaleidoscope girl and go do it!"

I wasn't joking. 

I hope they use protection... and no, I don't mean the sword.

Then we have this scene which confused me because it's another wibble wobble between is Harley still in love with Joker or does she hate his guts thing and it's annoying.
Boy, all of the Squad look like complete goobers when they hear the call to action... especially Deadshot. Boomer looks like he's trying out for the next Wolverine role. I don't think Flag ever blinks, and Enchantress looks like she tried to finger paint while she was holding a paint brush. This group does not inspire confidence, even though they somehow seem more together than the usual Suicide Squad bunch.

Well... yep. Kobra and EVIL PARAMOUR EVE totally did it in Katana's body. Wow, that's correct but also inappropriate pun wise. This raises questions about consent.
Especially when the next line after a post-coitus nap is King Kobra saying "Awake, my love -- much will now transpire... and your participation is needed!" So now I have questions about if  EVIL PARAMOUR EVE was even a participant in this.
Also raises questions about priorities because apparently they're still sort of planning evil snakey... things. Without like, even having a shower. Plus all the creepy rape stuff.

Anyway, the Squad arrive somewhere the Kobra Kai's are attacking and they're all like "This so isn't a trap, oh look there's Katana being unusually friendly!" And yes, yes she is but she's also got her Kobra buddies ready to snipe the Squad. Also Katana and Maseo are on some random quest to madness or something. I low key may have tuned out towards the end of this story so some particulars may be missing.





The other Suicide Squad is doing something as well. El Diablo is either planning his letter to Killer Frost well in advance, has perfect recall, or the time he wrote that letter is time travelling to be a voice over in his present day. This should annoy me but it's kinda cute.

I'm also diggin' Azucar. Was she a character before this series? I don't know.

When I first saw her I was like is this a Mexican themed Harley Quinn? She's basically wearing the same outfit as Harley was when she first appeared in Suicide Squad. Albeit... slightly more on theme and kinda better coordinated. Plus, the jacket is a sensible touch and her shoes are a much better choice than whatever the funk Harley was wearing on her feet in New52.


At the same time I'm kinda like... is this racist? But whole Sugar Skull (fun fact - apparently Azucar means 'sugar') design with the spooky skull themed Spider-Sense is pretty cool.





Anyway, yeah, they're totally doing some stuff which is cool and involves Aladdin for some reason

and also that friend they lost in the first issue becoming transformed somehow for some other reason.

I don't know what the time frame here is. Does time pass differently in Gemworld? 

Yeah I lost a bit of attention again. Sorry guys.  But at the end of the day they all work together and live happ... well, actually they get their butts kicked and come back for a round two. However they do get to learn the art of questioning from Aladdin and figure out what Waller *really* wants - which is a lot more civilised and faster than other Suicide Squads. So that's neat. 

The Short End of the Jester Schtick

Okay - the story lost me and the whole skeezy sex thing was definitely a turn off but the art was nice and the magical based Squad interested me. 

Also Azucar. But also Klarion and Teekl. The rest are okay, I guess. 

Katana's story was... neat I suppose but I mean... do all Asian people and snake based villains talk like this in these comics? Everything's so.. dramatically grammatical like a stage play by someone trying to channel Shakespeare but absorbing a wannabe poet going through a phase instead. 

I like the Harley in this series better already. It's like... now there's less of her, I want to see more. Unlike when I'm usually sick of seeing her everywhere and wish she didn't exist, then I cry myself to sleep because I've spent so much money, time and fandom on this character.

Only partially kidding, but she just seems more like her original personality - kinda perky and giving an air of innocence while also being a thug in a gang. It's great. 

Wotta Comedian!

Waller: Tell the team to quiet down, Flag... ....they're making more noise than cheerleaders on prom night!

Kobra goon: It is she -- the hated Katana! 

Gaby: Tatsu, you're back! We are so glad!

Katana: I am too, Gabrielle. But remember our discussion about pronouns?

Katana: Hello, Foolish Cat. 

Katana: Right now I must... meditate. But we will discuss this over dinner, Gabrielle. We will go out for hamburgers, you will like that. 

Gaby: *snf* O-okay... ...is that the kind of food that doesn't have ham in it?

Kobra Henchman: Y-yes, Naja-Naja! Your destination?

Naja-Naja: That land of stiff-necked defiance -- AMERICA! 

Gentleman Ghost: I haven't bled in over a hundred years. Maybe Faust and these Cerberus chaps could actually kill me. It'd be nice to finally die. 

El Diablo: Death sucks. I get killed all the time.

Gentleman Ghost: We need to go get her.

Snarlgoyle: We can barely walk. 

Alchemaster: She knew the deal. This isn't the "Everyone Lives" squad. 

Waller: He so much as twitches and you turn him into a newt.

Enchantress: As you wish. 

Squad goon: Don't forget the cat. 

Waller: It's MY responsibility to defend magic? I HATE magic. 

Enchantress: She really does. 

El Diablo: Nothing like a little revenge to get you out of bed in the morning, huh?

Azucar: Wish we had something like this is Gotham. 
*later*
Azucar: Forget the Mexican cemetery.. I wish we had THIS in Gotham. 

Enchantress: I'll suffer no more of this goof-mouthed twaddle.

Enchantress: John says twist.
Klarion: Paul says shout. 

Klarion: I thought Azucar killed this guy. 
Azucar: I did!

Azucar: If you're so powerful, why aren't you and your  genie riding your magic carpet out in the field with us?

El Diablo: I'm not sure when I'll write to you again, since our next mission could bend the rules of space and time. No, really. 

Bonus Panel!