Alright, getting back into this. I've put it off for so long, I began to lose sense of self, sense of time, sense of smell... boy, it was pretty harsh. I don't even remember what happened in the last issue... unless it was that Christmas one, in which case it can go die in a fire because it sucked harder than any other made for TV Christmas special.
Right.. first cover, Harley looking guilty, covered in blood and her one redeemable tattoo from Suicide Squad - about to be attacked by Batman. Oh, sorry. HUNTED. HUNTED by Batman. I feel attacked is better, because how much hunting would it take to track down some gal covered in blood, standing over the corpse and holding the smoking gun as it were, when there is nothing else in this cover universe apart from Harley, Batman and the corpse? Second/variant cover is just Harley doing some random 'hey I have a gun! 'Murica!' pose and doesn't include Batman at all. Which means either the artist can't draw Batman, couldn't think of a good cover that made use of Batman or this cover was just a generic one someone pumped out that could have been put on any issue.
Both covers look okay though, I guess. Especially compared to the interior art.
This whole page.
First up the SUPER splash page with elongated Harley... and her obligatory thousand of speech bubbles exposition dump or waxing lyrical about some star or something while feeling so sorry for herself. Is she supposed to be praying or wishing on a star?
Then, two smaller panels. One with her sort of looking around at something that we have no idea is there - there are no visual clues or sound effects to cause her to look around - and the second small panel I feel is redundant, it should have been included in the first small panel (along with a valid reason for her to butcher the English language) because she's basically doing the same thing - she hasn't even turned her head.
If I'd drawn this same page - I would have had maybe two larger panels instead of the splash. One with Harley talking to herself, not some stupid star - about how tough she's finding it and that she needs a break/isn't sure what to do etc. The second panel could be a continuance of this, but in the background - maybe we see something like a shooting star. This catches Harley's eye and prompts her to (in a long, single frame at the bottom) turn around and go "whoa, what was that?" which would lead up to her seeing what it was on the next page.
Or, if they were going to stick to their stupid star light star bright stuff because of what happens in the issue, why not show a shooting star in the sky behind her on that large splash?
I mean, it's not rocket science.
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| They can't even get her colours right, still. Sigh. |
This issue hinges on Harley having a crisis from last time (well, her MOM has a crisis, her FAMILY has/is a crisis - but Harley makes it all about her as usual) and then she finds a way to run out on this reality and go running off on some random adventure insert. This time it's accompanied by a Starfire knock-off named Mirand'r, who spouts nineties sayings because the writers heard this was the hip thing to do now but weren't sure how to use it properly. She also roller skates, even though she can clearly fly.
Apparently this Tamaran girl has come all this way to Earth because Harley Quinn is like, totally the rad embodiment of the Galactic Angel of Retribution! ....for, like, some reason, for sure.
Which is something that I'm sure they'll go into detail about and explain why she was chosen in particular.
.....hmm. Well, so far Mirand'r told her that she embodies both chaos and order, but then Harley tells her to shut up because she just wants the flaming sort and cosmic mandate.
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| Always read the conditions and terms of service, kids! |
I know they have to find new and exciting ways to fill their comic, but good gravy, this is terrible. As well as feeling completely shoe-horned in with little to no explanation - Harley has just spent the last few pages monologue-ing about how hard HER life is now that her mom has cancer. So naturally, her first thought is to run as far as she can in the other direction instead of oh, I don't know. Supporting her mom during this difficult time in her MOM'S LIFE? She didn't even think twice about it, it was just "Yep! Don't care about terms, just get me out of this reality because I'm a snowflake who can't deal with it!"
Which is why I hated the 'revelation' that her mom had this illness because I knew it was just going to be a way to show the worst character traits of this Harley, but still make it so she comes out on top and everyone still loves and supports her. So, I really hope she has to deal with her "worst fears" which are hopefully all about the reality/responsibility she just ditched without a care.
I mean damn, could she not have just taken maybe two panels to THINK about it? We got two panels of her EYEBALLS doing nothing exciting - but we can't get the character who used to put others fairly high on her list even thinking about them?
Here we go. Harley visits her mom in hospital and acts batshit for like ten minutes doing everything she can to ensure her mom CAN'T REST and that she annoys the hospital staff.
Finally we get some semblance that she had her mom in her mind - as she says here she was going to start after her mom is better. I still think she should have thought about it more at the time - Mirand'r didn't mention WHEN anything was starting, and Harley refused to hear all the information about it so she has no idea about when it's going to start or if she has a choice. But it's cool, she has a new belt?
Now everyone else gets to be the bad guy because Harley's a criminal. I really want to know what timeframe this comic has. Like, everytime someone brings up her criminal past, they show her in her classic costume. Yet, she's mentioned the Suicide Squad to like, nearly everyone she knows and even characters like Deadshot have shown up in her comic. Plus, everyone seems to recognise current Harley from the classic Harley even though they look nothing alike. Current Harley has been just as evil as classic/Suicide Harley. And Harley was supposed to have her history wiped from Suicide Squad? Like.. what is this? When is this?
For the comic though, it's just an excuse to have Harley not hang around her mom and feel even more victimised. Never mind that the hospital has a duty of care to other patients or anything. Yeah, they're totally the bad guys for kicking her out. #firstworldvillainproblems
Then Harley has a one page comic dream about being kicked out of heaven which upsets her so she kicks herself out of her bedroom and goes on a stomping spree around Coney Island, muttering how she isn't the bad guy while waving her mallet around at like 3am or something.
I want to point out this panel.
This is comparable to the first panel I was whinging about - but this one makes sense because it's Batman. It's basically his job to appear out of nowhere, and Harley did not see him until he spoke to her.
Speaking of speaking to her - all Batman says is that he wants to talk to her and she goes off like a fire cracker, and an arrogant one at that because she assumes he's there to attack her and then she starts assaulting Batman.... while playing the "everyone's picking on me!" card.
Yet still finds time to yell about how she's 'stood up for herself and made a change for the better' since Joker and also explain about her gay pride adventures with Catwoman and Poison Ivy. Like, we get it, you think you're a much better version of your classic self (and ignoring that you split up with Joker well before the reboot) and now you and your three friends and now conveniently on the other team but only sort of. I don't know why we are still getting a version of Harley that has to keep telling people she's not with the Joker and another version that still has and uses Joker-themed paraphernalia at the same time.
"Ya really think I'm irredeemable?" asks the woman who just attacked Batman with a mallet for no reason and has killed and maimed a lot of people in Coney Island alone and single-handedly incapacitated the English language.
"Getting real sick of your shit." Replies Batman who wanted to discuss why a strand of Harley's stupid hair, a chunk of her gross beaver and part of her mallet were found at a murder scene where Smylex was used, but never got the chance to hear Harley's side because Harley was too busy being Harley to pay attention.
Then she gets arrested but it's more like a rowdy teenager being grounded, then she starts sobbing about not being able to visit her mom.. which... like, just go in a disguise you idiot. You did it for your part time job but you can't fake being a normal human being for your mom? Maybe stop jumping around her room like a horny monkey and being obnoxious? Quit getting arrested for random violent acts? Maybe change your outfit for once and actually wash it? See how that works out for you?
Wotta Comedian!
Mirand'r: I'm better than great! I'm precisely.... radical!
Batman: There is one person who holds a grudge against the Joker big enough to frame him for murder. And.. she talks to a stuffed beaver.
Harley: I've moved on. I've got pets, and friends, and a mom! Well, I always had a mom, but ya know what I mean. I'm a changed gal! Mostly! I swear!
The Short End of the Jester Schtick
Yeah - the woman who got excited about being given cosmic retribution powers to bring her twisted sense of justice into the world spent the whole issue crying foul because everyone thinks she's a bad guy. Then she'll constantly bring up that her mom has cancer so everyone feels bad for her, even when she's attacking Batman - which is, as we all know, not the world's smartest move.
Batman brings up some of her past crimes and Harley's just like - nah, I'm better now. You can forget the past. Well.... it... doesn't work that way unfortunately.
Mirand'r - ten points for the unique name by the way (eyeroll) - was just an alien version of Harley Quinn. Roller derby outfit complete with jacket and thigh highs, skates, loose strands of hair and pigtail buns. Also outdated phrases... like Harley with stealing Lobo's language.
So, points lost for not even trying to make a unique character.
Besides, since when is Tamaran in control of cosmic shite like this? If they had the power to make a demigod on top of their own abilities, how the hell did they lose a war and become partially enslaved? Also, wasn't Tamaran destroyed? Wasn't New Tamaran destroyed? Wasn't Karna - the third planet they tried to inhabit -destroyed? What the hell, DC? Is this person even who she says she is?
Bonus Panel
For one thing, why are all the panels different shapes? For another, doesn't Smylex kill you with a smile, not kill you and then become fast acting just in time for the Commissioner to see it?
Either this is a new strain or the writers forgot how Smylex worked.
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