DC Universe: Harley Quinn #64

 

The first thing that drew my attention on this cover was the tiny top banner with classic Harley shoving current Harley. It's cute, and in character. I don't know how I didn't look at the main picture first because YE GADS what on Earth is that? Did the nineties comic scene throw up again? I mean, it's not that baaaad... I guess but it also... doesn't make sense? 

Why is her arm a box? Is her hair made out of pom-poms? I was confused about her foot being a demented roller blade but then I realised that's meant to be her arm, not the box... her foot is that faux Japanese mask and cybergoth fluffies. So... what IS the box doing there? Is it part of her outfit, or is it the background? What's the other thing floating around her? Where are her eyeballs? Is this the revenge of Suicide Squad New52? Her pigtails trailing so long and being around all these mechanical parts makes me hella anxious too. 

Moving on with the comic itself - Harley is still reading her own comic book to escape the realities of her mom's hospital trip and-OH okay, inside is another picture from the cover and as it turns out, the star and box (diamond?) are SHOULDER PADS. 

.....Eh, still more in true to her origins than what she has been seen wearing, even if she's got a reject Dazzler from the future/Jem and the Holo-hell no's/Ziggy Star-Don't feel to her.  

Still weird though. 

Side note, I don't know a thing about Year of the Villain so if everyone's gonna be in these extreme cosplayer gladiator outfits I - well, actually I'm in two minds about reading it. 

DC Universe Harley Quinn #62

Alright, this one I've been putting off for a while because just reading this comic exhausted me. More on that later.

Anyway, first cover is fine I guess, but the Enchantress' face is scarier than I think the artist intended. Plus, is Harley offended at being called an idiot or is she so far removed from being a jester now that she has no idea what 'fool' means in context?

Cho's cover is a lot better than normal - actually fits the comic's theme and does a good job. It's still weird seeing Harley in the classic costume but not wearing her domino mask. It's like leaving the house not wearing shoes or something. Weird. Doable depending on where you're going, but still like... weird. Also Catwoman's helmet straps dangling seem like an unusual liability for her.

So - why am I exhausted?

Well....

This is page one. 

Did we not get rid of this million speech bubbles bull crap already? And for good reason? 

I'm not the kind of person to baulk at reading - I love reading, and I read fast. I read comics, novels of fiction and non, magazines, blogs, newspapers, flyers, cereal boxes, the really small fine print you get in contracts, HELL - I'm that person that actually reads the pamphlets that come with medication! 

So it's not just the sheer amount of words that are a problem, it's the obnoxious way it's shoved in our faces, complete with randomly sized and differently coloured key points so you don't fall asleep reading the damn thing. 

So, to break it down - Harley - talking to us via the fourth wall - recaps the WHOLE last issue again. She does this while literally being burnt at the stake because PRIORITIES, clearly. Then the whole thing is supposed to be her 'testimony' to Tina, trying to prove she's not crazy. Harley's supposed to be smarter than this, like PhD smart, yet she can't take a second to read the room? She KNOWS people here don't understand her, yet she makes no effort, even when her life and the life of Catwoman is on the line, to pretend to be normal and speak clearly?

Would you talk the same to the CEO of your company as you would to a toddler? How about an astrophysicist versus a grade schooler? An English literature professor against an immigrant who knows only basic translations? Your best friend or your worst enemy?

NO. 

Gotham City Sirens #10 - Taking Sides

This is one of my favourite Gotham City Sirens covers ever. Even though it's got a rather dark palette, it still manages to be kind of pastel. At first glance you could mistake the poses for generic, over posed comic book fare, or something right out of a James Bond poster but the poses are so in character, it's great. Ivy frolicking around her garden, tending to one of her many plants. Harley looks like she's stretching before jumping into some crazy gymnastics move, and Catwoman is stood there like why am I with these people again?

I also quite like the crossword puzzle aesthetic, tying it into the inclusion of the Riddler.

When we last left off with the Gotham City Sirens, Edward Nigma had been helping them solve a murder they were seemingly being framed for, and had now found himself into some hot water as a result.

Luckily, our antagonist Dr. Aesop likes to monologue - maybe not surprising for someone who stole their name from the famous fables author - and between Riddler's deductions and Dr. Aesop's explanations the whole story comes out. Our Sirens are listening in from the skylight and it's revealed they were using Nigma the whole time.


Harley at least has the decency to feel bad about it, Ivy couldn't give a plant fertiliser and Selina is somewhere in between - doesn't really care but also doesn't want Eddie to get hurt because of it.

Studio Fow - Harley Quinn porn parody

For those not familiar - Studio Fow is a animated porn company set up around 2014. Most if not all, of their content is based off gaming characters, and their aim is to be as non-vanilla as possible.

Pretty sure they take the actual characters from games and just re-rig their models. I don't know about the scenery/backgrounds - but probably.

SCARLET NIGHTS
RELEASE DATE: JUNE 28TH, 2016


It’s complete anarchy in Gotham as StudioFOW launches its depraved new series! Without the Dark Knight around there’s a distinct lack of fear around the city, but as the Clown Princess of Crime is about to discover, there are far more terrifying things lurking in Gotham’s seedy underbelly. Lesson one of this new Gotham is don’t piss off the wrong guys…


I gotta say, I approve of the title. You know, it could have been really tacky, like 'One Knight in Harley' or something lame like that.

DC Animated - Hush Trailer

So the trailer for the animated adaption of DC's Hush dropped the other day and wow was I... disappointed.

Which sucks! I really enjoyed the Hush comics and when I saw a trailer for the adaption - which I didn't even know they were doing - I clicked straight away. But oh boy was my enthusiasm dampened. It was like that classic Libra advert where the woman uses a pad to absorb the murder victim's blood so there was no trace of any wrong doing by the time the cops got there. It was like my niece's food at snack time. All gone!

Before, we could proudly say "Well the DC live action movies suck hairy donkey balls but at least they're killing it in the animated movie department!"
Only now it's like the animated department is going the way the Disney live actions are, like basically remakes just to keep the trademarks but with little, insidious changes made. Also Will Smith is getting his filthy little fingers into all of these pies. ANYWAY - we know why The Killing Joke and Batman and Harley Quinn etc were weird or bad movies... what's happening with Hush?


Okay - so for those who don't know, I don't want to spoil anything so go and read it! But in bare bones, Batman finds several of his enemies from varying ranks seemingly teaming up against him, but in odd ways and being led by someone he can't pin down. He starts to get suspicious and paranoid, so he searches to find out what's happening while his relationships - old and new - come back to him. Also there's a lot of cameos.

The comics were great, the art was nice and it was really cinematic in the way it was laid out and the way they did flashbacks etc. It kept you guessing, and made you look for little connections. It was like Lost but with comic characters and a better ending.

So... the trailer opens with the Batman/Catwoman rooftop chase/flirt which was fine... only the way they cut the dialogue kinda weird so it's like Catwoman's all sultry "We've being doing this dance for a while..." cuts to "LIKE THE VIEW, YA CORNDOG? IT'S ALL YOU GON' GEEEET" before she yeets herself off a building.

Gotham City Sirens #9 - Pieces of the Puzzle

I love the detective noir style cover already but it just gets better when you turn the page and the scene continues - as if you're Nygma opening the office door and entering the room/ scene. 

Correctly deducing that the Sirens aren't here for tea and niceties,  he gets down to the thick of it. The Sirens have found a corpse,  or rather they have each witnessed the victim in varying stages of life and death.

Harley volunteers to give her recollection first so we get treated to an amazing run down of her day,  which begins with cartoons, exercise and keyboard battles then ends with a dead body smashing through their skylight and ruining Harley's swim.

Ivy had just got back from a job interview when she sees the body enter the pool. Selina on the other hand had been for a medical check-up post Hush then a quick spar with Wildcat. When she hands home via rooftop she sees the body fall from the sky - muttering "doctor..." - so she dives after her and ends up heading into the pool as well.

Nygma is equal parts exasperated with the Sirens and intrigued by the mystery so he resolves to check it out. At first glance it appears like the Sirens have attached the victim and left their trademarks on her body.  There is a vine around the neck but it's not one of Ivy's usual hybrids but a common plant.  The clown make up smeared on her face is cheap pharmacy brand stuff and not Harley's theatrical quality style. Claw marks that couldn't have come from Selina's gloves but rather a real animal.

DC Universe Harley Quinn #55

*Sucks in breath* H'ooookay. Christmas issue. Here we go.

Right... standard comic character harasses Santa in a Christmas themed outfit. Well, she added baubles to her collar... like that wouldn't be impractical, itchy and awkward. Like her weird pom pom laces! That's nearly it's own death trap! Apart from that it's just her ordinary roller derby outfit. I really feel like this suit just doesn't get washed enough on a daily basis. Still, it's better than her weird Christmas rocket suit elf thing. Let's hope that monstrosity doesn't come back! Plus, this cover hurts me seeing things like 'plush toys for the hyenas that DC killed off horrifically' and the 'good old jester costume that my mom trashed a few issues back' on her Christmas list. Plus, how short AND wide is Santa's chair? All the better to hold your tiny hands up my dear. Other cover is basically Harley spray painting a snowman. It's okay, but I would have thought it would be a nice excuse to draw her nostalgic Christmas outfit instead of her wearing uggs and a scarf if it's soooo cold, right?

I like her jacket though, and how the interior quilt looking pleat is like diamonds.. I still don't get why she's got stars on her boobs like pasties, how do you screw up a deck of cards theme like you did her colours? You've got most of it in your logo, mate!

Ohh... yay... the space elf from Christmas hell costume.... it's made a reappearance.... whyyyyyy

Just like the weird Timms art and the zillion and one speech bubbles. This is going to be more painfully awkward than that time Rudolph asked Harley for his nose back.

Gotham City Sirens #8

March 2010
Plot/art: Guillem March
Dialogue: Marc Andreyko
Colours: Tomeu Morey

What better time to get back into Gotham City Sirens - and an Ivy-centric issue to boot - after reading about the lobotomised, bland, green place holder in the last review and the recent dramas I had in the comic store.
Givin' me the heebie jeebies just thinkin' about it. Even more so than opening up to the severely emaciated and shrivelled up form of Poison Ivy.

Jump cut to two weeks prior, showing Pam as beautiful as she is vengeful and deadly. Scorning the humans for doing things in her park. No, not THOSE things.. (that we know of, anyway) but rather children pulling up daisies, dudes thinking about their chances with her, people daring to exercise or sit on a bench.

Just imagine this face looking at you... it'll shave seconds off your run time!

Now as much as this is about Ivy's time in the spotlight, the issue shows us what's really happening within the team as a whole.

This scene for example. One look and you might think, oh that Harley, buying random shit in her name and having it delivered to their hideout?? What a card!

What we're really seeing is Selina not only ticked off at the breach of security.. but Harley's lounging on the couch watching TV, Ivy is nowhere to be seen until the last panel and Selina is picking up the slack in the kitchen. This hideout is a tinder box and it's about to explode.

The spark comes from Ivy strolling in from her saunter about Robinson Park at the same time a plant related murder that happened there is being reported on the news. 

DC You - Batman: Prelude to the Wedding.. Harley Quinn vs Joker

Well naturally, Marvel just had the last few weddings of the century so here's DC's attempt at competing again.

June 2018
Till Death Do Us Part
Writer: Tim Seeley
Artist: Sami Basri
Colours: Jessica Kholinne
Cover: Rafael Albuqueque

Synopsis:

Harley Quinn knows a thing or two about dysfunctional relationships. When she hears that her old flame is trying to get in the way of a happy new life for one of her best friends, the Maid of Mischief tracks The Joker down to give him a piece of her mind-and maybe a few blows from her hammer, too.

Does anyone remember the first time Catwoman got all dolled up in a wedding dress? I remember the first times I saw her in one and it was well before the Cat and the Bat romance got off the ground. 

True, this one wasn't real but it was awesome seeing a mix of villains and heroes at the ceremony and then fighting over the bouquet.. then Catwoman realising that Batman wasn't ever going to truly run away with her while crime exists in Gotham and woke up pissed.

This one was an attempted wedding, where someone tried to domesticate Catwoman and she put a damn stop to it you betcha bucko. 

Oh, I miss how she used to call people bucko. 

As a young girl I would look at these and have no doubt that this was how my wedding would be. Now I AM married I'm glad it didn't. It's a shame I couldn't rock a catsuit under my shredded dress but I feel that a rogue bunch of commandos scaling the cathedral and shooting it up would have put the whole night out of my budget for sure. 

Anyway, now we're milking the Catwoman and Batman semi-romance for all it's worth and that means finding some way to tie in Harley Quinn and Joker.

Gotham City Sirens #7

Gotham City Sirens turn Holiday Story on us when we see Catwoman wailing on some jerks in Santa costumes. She laughs it off to the new Batman (Dick Grayson) but her bravado hides that little bit of fear we saw in the fight scene - she's still concerned about her heart.

Dick asks if the other sirens are staying out of trouble and Selena mentions that because the shelter was damaged recently, Ivy has gone to Central America and Harley is visiting family. Dick's pretty surprised as he can't picture her sitting around being jolly with family. What a weird thing to say, come to think of it. I mean, yeah, the new Hardly Quinn murder-go-round sex doll would be a weird, uncomfortable person to have around a Christmas tree, but sweet ol' pre-Flashpoint/New fifty-poo Harley Quinn?

Robin (Damian) busts in the room angry as hell, calls Selena a tramp, calls Dick a lazy douche and storms off, warning he;s going to take the Batmobile if Dick holds him up more than two minutes.
At least no one's surprised about THAT characterisation.

The other weird thing is when they do that obligatory holiday special thing where they cheers to friends who can't be there with them. 

So, Brucie is a given, but Alfred? Alfred just served you a drink two seconds ago, Dick! He's probably outside in the hall crying his butlery eyes out, man! Also not sure if that's meant to be Catwoman's semi-side kick Holly Robinson in the middle or if it's Jenna the Carpenter. Is the baby Catwoman's from that random side story she had once? Ivy looks pissed about being in the fire. That's fair enough. 

Moving over to Central America - Ivy is relaxed, footloose and fancy free in a jungle. Also clothes free, but that's fine because she can manipulate plant censors like a Disney Princess entrances small animals to do her bidding. 

She's wondering why they hell she doesn't just live here instead of the stagnant filth hole Gotham. 

It's a fair question.

Batman Ninja

Here's another version of Harley Quinn but set in feudal Japan as part of Batman: Ninja - an upcoming animated feature involving the Batman cast being transported to that era for some reason.
Actually, I keep reading that in the limited descriptions around but I'm not sure if the story is going to be ABOUT them all being sent to this Japan stage or if it's just an Elseworlds type story where Batman is established as a ninja already because that's who he is in this timeline.

Personally, I think it's going to be the latter and that would make for a much better story in my opinion but we'll see where they go with it.

There is super hype around a Harley Quinn/Catwoman fight but I can even look past the Catwoman obligatory ass shot because the fight looks amazing already!

They seem to have her doing her licky thing again though..

Between Maggot Robbie and New52 Harley Quinn, I feel like they're trying their best to be the whole VMA Miley Cyrus thing all over again. No one understood it then, no one likes it now.
STOP LICKING THINGS ALL THE TIME.

Gotham City Sirens #6

Jan 2010

When we last left off, original Joker sidekick Gaggy had been released from the big house (no pun intended) and was dead set on reliving the good old olden days.. you know what he means. The days with no Harley Quinn.

This cover... I like. Poison Ivy looks very powerful and the neon-ish petals are a nice touch.

Inside, Harley's getting dragged off to a nicer moider spot or maybe a retro death trap. Poison Ivy took a bubble thing (?!) to the face and now she can't adventure no mo'. Catwoman did not, I repeat, did NOT land on her feet when falling into the hyena enclosure, leaving thousands of fans and cat enthusiasts disappointed.

On the way to her certain doom, Harley catches Gaggy by surprise and he begins to villain monologue. It's nice to know that some things never change.










Selina and Ivy escape their own personal death traps only to fall victim to another one. They delay their painful deaths momentarily but end up calling for back up in the form of one Jenna Duffy the Carpenter and her Tools of Compounding Invoices.
That's pretty much how you know the Sirens were desperate. They may leave with their lives today, but my gosh they will pay through the nose now if they weren't already!

The thing I like about the Gaggy saga is how it quietly parallels Harley's story and gives a new insight to the Joker before she arrived.

Ame-Comi - Duela Dent #1-3

Loving this Duela Dent, her outfit and her text no matter how uninspiring the other issues are.
So that's something. Now finally, some backstory so we know why we should give a rats... unlike the Joker's Daughter of the New52.

Everything on this cover looks pretty awesome but again... what the hell is going on with Harley's hat? Does the artist know they're not actually like bunny ears or do they have some sort of power in this universe?

No one will explain anything!

Part I

So starting off with a description of her house - which reminds me of a Series of Unfortunate Events and her outfits, which make me think of Alice in Wonderland we have the tale of little Duela.
A precocious child on the edge of society, running free across the waste dumps...

Yes, she actually does that and barefoot to boot. Turns out the house is condemned, which is a twist I totally did not see coming. /Sarcasm. Wait, this is either a different day or she stopped in a room I did not see to put on stockings and maybe shoes? A wise move, considering there are like syringes and broken glass shards outside your front door.

As it happens, the home is heritage listed as a Gotham landmark and that's why it's still standing. Barely. But whatever, it's a cool home for a crook dad and his little scamp of a girl to hang out.

Ame-Comi Batgirl #1-3

Probably the first batch of comics based off statues of DC's women, followed closely by Bombshells and Gotham City Garage. When this first came out, I was so hyped about it because I love stories about women, anime, and Harley Quinn. What could go wrong?

Well, a lot of things. The story didn't exactly grab me, the art varied from issue to issue and for the most part, the characters never really seemed to mesh well together. Don't get me wrong, some did but it just read like someone had literally stuck all these characters together but didn't exactly figure out WHY they should be co-existing apart from NEW STATUES NEED TIE IN MERCHANDISE.

The other thing I need to mention is that pretty much the entire run was written by Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Gray. Justin Gray has written a bunch of stuff for DC, mostly hand in hand with Palmiotti and Conner which brings me to the problem. I personally feel Palmiotti is a terrible writer.
His work is all the same, usually overstuffed with useless characters who are either bland or stereotypes of something and he's not funny.

Now, when I first read this series this name meant nothing to me but if you've read this blog at all you've probably read me cursing his name at least once for bringing such an obnoxious Hardly Quinn to life in her ridiculous solo. Of course, now I recognise the name it's easy to understand why I abandoned this series so early.

Mr Gray I have no opinion of apart from not minding the Catwoman Convergence and tossing aside the Power Girl/Harley Quinn nonsense. That and I honestly think he has sold his soul to Palmiotti because there is something else going on here. Maybe we should see if he's okay.

Harley Quinn 25th Anniversary Special

I figured I've worked up enough inner strength to actually put myself through this issue. I'm sure it's probably not all that bad, seeing as how the Conner/Palmiotti cliche machine hasn't written all of this book. It still means there's going to be a lot of people involved and each will likely have their own interpretation of what it is to be Harley Quinn and DC won't care about continuity because hey, they're DC. It's kind of what they do. Or don't do.

.....You know what I mean.


Anyway - in my opinion the second cover should have replaced the main cover - not just because it's the Dodson's and their beautiful classic Harley Quinn art but because it looks more like something she'd do. It ties into her circus theme and she's surrounded by toys of her criminal counterparts. The main cover is just some asshole ruining a cake and like a sad high school football player hanging onto their former glory... refuses to take off the sports gear.

Seriously though... that's a huge cake. And you're rendered it inedible by putting your various pasty body parts in it and letting your dog run around in it. Youuuu make me sick, Hardly Quinn.


Then we have this cover to make sure ALL variants of Harley have an equal chance to make money. Now this cover is fine, I guess, but at least the other two have the idea that there's some sort of celebration going on.

Here it's like she couldn't be more depressed while trying to be a bad ass. Yay, Harley's a sharp shooter instead of messing around with pop-guns! And for some reason has a cat head on a belt.. because she's... a Harley Quinn! Yeah!
Oh and they recycled that idiotic shirt from the movie. Ugh.

This page is like some rough draft of a Suicide Squad cover that Jim Lee already had available and he just said 'here ya go, I made this special for this comic.'

I have to assume this was followed up by a maniacal laugh and hand rubbing/beard stroking.

Birds of Prey episode 2: Slick

Thus begins our recap of episode two of Birds of Prey. 

Above, we have the cast as predominantly featured in the comic series. 

Barbara Gordon and Black Canary are the main characters followed closely by Huntress. The roster usually varies but here we have Lady Blackhawk (Zinda Blake) as well as Hawk and Dove (Hank Hall and Dawn Granger respectively) 

As you might remember, the television show is only loosely based on this series and I think that's partly why it didn't go over so well with audiences that weren't ready to comprehend alternate universe Bat-characters and bad special effects. 

Barbara Gordon - former Batgirl and current Oracle survived the transition pretty seamlessly. Huntress here is actually the offspring of Batman and Catwoman and is meta-human. Which means she's got half of her mother's random cat powers and all of her dad's gloomy attire and punchiness. 

Dinah is the most random.. she's super young and has mental based powers. 

Gotham City Sirens #4

Another lovely cover - Harley's baby blues are striking. Ivy's her usual cheery self and so is Catwoman. Not sure why Ivy's hair is constantly standing on end these days but all the better to see your butt with my dear. I do like her lacy looking vine arm thingies. So chic. 

Remember this bit that's been teased over the last few issues?

Yes, we'e finally going to see what Harley Quinn's been up to.
Also, this TMZ for superheroes/villains is terrible. What sort of cow cheers when a superhero like Power Girl is decked one? That's when you go 'oh crap - this could be the end of my existence too!'

Still, it's a refreshing change from the ass kissing we normally get on real life celebrity shows.

And wow, Ultra Humanite? There's a blast from the past!

But I digress.

Now who do we know who owns a purple extend-o-gloves (and who also can't watch their favourite tv shows anymore) and has two white thumbs?? 

This guy!