Harley Quinn And The Birds Of Prey #2

Well here am I, sat in front of an uphill battle of reviewing something that is admittedly out of date and even after a long hiatus I'm out of patience for. Self loathing is a trip, I tell ya. 

August 2020

Same as last issue, written by Palmiotti and Conner again with Conner still doing the art. As you probably know by reading nearly any of my blog posts (another fun word for them is rants!) these guys aren't my favourites. Conner's art is fairly clean, which I appreciate but... 

Eh. As much as the taglines like to spout that these guys really push the boundaries, push the envelope, push the shopping trolleys, push the fourth wall and anything else that needs a shove... they really don't. This is the exact same as their other Harley Quinn run - from the cover layout that I've seen a million times before, the over explained re-cap with a zillion speech bubbles, the billion other characters that Harley is given precedence over, the trillion times we're reminded that Harley is now a crass horndog who really doesn't care about anyone else and the bajillion times we have to hear the same unfunny beaver jokes. 

If I can say something nice about the cover, it's that I like the Harley grenade and the logo is fairly inoffensive. The rest is just... really generic and flat. It's clear Conner loves making this art... but I know she can do better (well, maybe) and not be as lazy as this. 

So, as mentioned earlier we have a huge recap complete with over dramatic Harley even though nothing really happened in the last issue. Well things did happen, but it's nothing that Harley cares about, it's just a lame pretense for her to run away from her girlfriend troubles or the mundane issues like helping her friends recover and find a home because she wants revenge on the eeeevil loan mob she chose to deal with, even though she literally just murdered a huge bunch of them and didn't pay them the money she owed because she was off trying to simultaneously smooch and kill Ivy. 

This is not me being a Harley hater. This is me re-capping what the Harley in this series alone has done. She decided her best course of action was to take a fun road trip to get away from her immediate problems instead of helping her friends and co-workers. 

The Gang of Harleys almost died, they're homeless and with the exception of maybe Coach - they've lost their FREAKING EYEBALLS! 

It just got straight up Little Orphan Annie in here! 

You could probably argue that the faces were too small to put the details in but I ain't buying that when they're perfectly shaded and Ivy who is not much bigger has a lot of details. This is just pure horror right there man. Even worse when we get to Huntress, Cain and Montoya who have bobble heads and tiny necks. 

Now for some reason the Birds decide the best way to have a chat to Harley is to take her to a restaurant where we can have some extreme fetish-like Mukbang eating. Oh right, another staple of the writers. Man, I bet they actually write this stuff in their sleep it's so repetitive. We get it, this Harley eats avalanches of food yet stays in perfect shape, then makes 'jokes' about her bodily functions. 

Canary looks like an innocent country girl, everyone has Disney eyes and I think the background characters are made of those panels you 'paint' with water.

I've never felt myself more represented by a comic before!

Which is how she ditches them, the ol' bathroom escape. Although it would have helped if the police officer who is used to her crap - pun intended - used some of her force to stand in the bathroom too - like not just outside the exterior door but outside the stall door. 

See, the police want her out of Gotham because she'll inevitably bring the Joker and she's going to ruin a sensitive investigation that's targeting the person ABOVE the dude Harley's after. Harley gives them a random bathroom address and we get to watch a bunch of cops and the indominable Birds of Freakin' Prey act like gormless one line background characters who don't have a brain cell between them. 

"Gee, uh, how'd she do that?"

"Duh......um.... exploding beaver?" 

"Huh huh... what'd she eat?"

Sweet suffering succotash.... so so stupid. 

In their own comic the BOP'd be circling around the back or jumping into the hole Harley blew in the dunny but no, they just gape or look like Superintendent Chalmers about to bust a blood vessel yelling at Seymour Skinner. 

Anyway... moving past that shitshow I guess. How did Harley get away? Some bit character who may have appeared in a comic somewhere before but doesn't really have a name, has super convenient powers and is such a big fan of Harley's she'll magically appear anytime Harley sends her a message on the direct line she has via plot conv- I mean, a chip on her phone. Even if that means destroying a toilet and making a poor civilian lose her eyes and almost a shoe too. Even if she has no idea why she's burrowing around in the ground and stealing wealth. 

Oh right, all the male villains in Gotham trusted Joker to store their loot. 

.....hang on, what?

In what universe does that make an inkling of sense?! They're all so quick to shiv Joker when they hear about their stuff not being safe, so clearly there's no trust there at all. Or this plot convenience was quickly written in for the two pages it happens on. 

Like Batgirl meeting up with Batgirl to explain Cassandra taking an outfit, it's cool but we probably could have used that plot to explain how all the villains in the asylum got into either Joker's cell or the medical wing but failed to escape the asylum itself. 

Or.. why they aren't simply using their own hidey holes for stashing their own villainous stuff like the good old days. 

Or why Harley Sinn is in this mess of a comic. 

More like the artist got sick of drawing the tattoos they designed. Ugh.

SO - we get Joker being edgy in a warehouse hideout, watching Sinn play edgy Whack-a-Mole with the ice cream man because he didn't have the flavour she wanted. But... they're a good way into this before they start expositioning themselves about how they caught up. Sinn has to explain to Joker how many people she's killed while she's been in this warehouse alone.. which Joker presumably watched happen anyway and would know. Then he takes her upstairs and he gives her an outfit that presumably he had stored in case he saw her again? Like... HUH??

The writing is so weird for Joker. He acts like an aloof mob boss, he hides his snarky remarks, he chides Sinn for wearing black and red away from his henchmen instead of publicly, he watches someone murder several someone elses and didn't get involved in anyway... this whole thing is about his hideout being threatened and he's just sat there chill while someone kills the pizza delivery person and the mail person/delivery driver.. all of whom are likely in GPS tracked vehicles? Those vehicles being parked outside the hideout? He just monologues all his plans and thoughts. No nuance whatsoever. No mastermind at work here. 

Worst of all... Joker isn't funny. 

Naturally, he can't be. We have to root for Harley! We can't have Joker demonstrate his sociopathic charm or the variety of comedic styles he often displays. No, our Joker here has to be a boring, sadistic old loser to make Harley seem better, funnier, more appealing. 

Anyway, speaking of the other boring sadistic old loser - you remember all the abandoned warehouses, creepy abandoned carnivals and other on theme hideouts that Joker used to have? Yeah well apparently Joker's just had this super secret high tech hideout the whole time where he stashed all of his stolen loot (and now the loot of other idiots who trust him as much as they hate him?) and it's guarded by robot Jokers. Who also aren't funny. 

I'll tell ya what you don't have... EYEBALLS. 

And of course Harley thinks she's still on the access list, which is why she had to dig up to get in here instead of waltzing in. She then freaks out when she hears she's NOT on the list but 8 other people are. 

The ONLY bit I like about this comic is this conversation/scene. 

Whatsherface asks Harley about her emotional issues and Harley actually gives a decent answer. She also saves the Joker fish. So this is probably the most real, logical and caring I've seen this Harley in a loooong time. It's pretty good, so I can even overlook the butchering of the English language and the "I'm the only victim here" story. 

Anyway - Joker in his current hideout gets surrounded by police and takes a helicopter to his OTHER hideout. There are cops there too. Joker tells Sinn about his other hideyhole and is shocked when he's tracked there too. He's in a helicopter and these locales all seem like they're 5 minutes away from each other. How many times have we seen this trope in Batman books, where the hero/villain assumes if one or two of their safe houses or hideouts are compromised... they wouldn't even bother with going to the others. Guess we just found the one trope these guys won't touch with a ten foot pole. 

Conner and Palmiotti have already ground Joker's character into paste, and now they're driving over it with a steamroller. 

See, that line is much more in line with the Joker - aaaand he gets into a sword fight and is blown up with his own grenade. Cassandra is doing her best ninja moves to make up for the above lackluster entrance from Gotham's Finest and the Birds of Prey. 

Montoya fails to read the Miranda rights (disappointing, and if my knowledge of American cop shows means that Joker could get off on a technicality... so this explains why no one freaking stays in Arkham) and swears at Joker, who does his best to keep the 'plot' moving by ranting on about Harley Quinn ruining things for him. 

Montoya then further injures the Joker, and touches his pasty butt. Willingly. Cassandra shoves her used mask into his mouth. This goes to show that a) there was no point wearing a mask, b) apparently hygiene does not live in Gotham and c) more things for the Joker to appeal his arrest with. 

I guess it kind of sums up the writers - they're all about the quick karma while disregarding any pesky realities. Of course Joker deserves rough treatment.. but he is the type to go and get diplomatic immunity or something like that.. JUST so he can flaunt it in the hero's faces. They have to work harder to take him down legally and the payoff is better. If anyone can just do anything to Joker - then why is he one of the most feared villains in Gotham? 

Sigh, anyway - Harley and The Dues Ex Machina formally known as Terra confront the Jobots... and Harley tries to get in on her face when she is holding - and went out of her way - to pick up a Joker mask. She didn't even try to pass the face scan as the Joker, but went on to get pissy because her ex is over her and removed her from an access list? Like... no shite. Plus, you guys broke up around 2000ish so come on, he's had 22 years and several reboots, so any of the three Jokers could have gotten around to the mundane administration tasks like that. 

Meanwhile Joker gets an alert that his hide out has been broken into, and I forgot that I liked this page as well. 

I mean, you gotta suspend a looooot of disbelief about the scene to enjoy it (The bomb squad don't wear gloves? They didn't send a drone/robot in first? They immediately reach for the item instead of sussing it out first? Joker's just been wearing a rave wristband all this time and no-one noticed? The ambulance officers just THEN realised there could be a bomb with Joker, a maniac known for dangerous exploits, and who the police were concerned could have had bombs in the hangar? The bystanders really think they're at a safe enough distance?) but it gave me a dumb chuckle. THAT is Joker humour. 

So Harley gets the loot deposited in some random dilapidated barn, then goes exploring and wow, Bruce Wayne's manor is only a short trip away. What an absolute coincidence. 

The Short End of the Jester Shtick! 

I've said it before but this team just cannot write the Joker. Problem is, they also can't write anyone else. Their Harley is a horrible person, but I guess she has a semblance of personality. Everyone else in her universe doesn't. They wait for their cue from her and just.. react, poorly. Her 'plot' becomes the only thing that matters, even if it goes against all logic. Characters like Poison Ivy and Wonder Woman become husks of their former selves, no different then if Harley had stolen cardboard cut out stand ins and was by herself, acting out the whole story with them. 

Case in point. 

Detective points out that Harley isn't always honest, and that she has evidence that Harley murdered a bunch of people and then skipped town. I'm assuming that the BOP were privy to this information as well before this conversation. 

Non-cop and former persons against criminals are suddenly siding with Harley over Montoya. 

"Aww gee, you can't do your job Montoya because Waller cleared her record, which also must count for any new crimes too ipso facto don't ya know." 

Sorry, were they not sitting at the same table when Montoya mentioned the multiple homicides? 

Maybe that doesn't matter since Cain and Huntress went right back to Murderville last issue as well. 

You know what would have been better? Saying that it's out of Montoya's jurisdiction. Not pretending that being pardoned for prior offences by a shady government organisation guarantees that you can never be arrested again for anything. 

I guess we can't leave this situation, poor Harley has all these problems that must take precedence over the actual case we're here to work on. I guess we better watch her murder this dood instead of helping the cops take down the whole operation.

I'm honestly not sure why they didn't go with angle that no one was doing anything about the situation but it is being taken care of, and Harley is explicitly told. Sure, it's like waving a red flag at a proverbial bull in a comic book... but this just gives Harley a really childish, bratty aspect to her character and nerfs the Birds of Prey, the Gotham police and Joker all in one fell swoop. At this point, why even INCLUDE the Birds of Prey at any point??   

It's an obvious attempt to cash in on the movie coming out around the same time, but this story isn't for new fans of that enterprise.. it's clearly just for people who like THIS version of Harley and who know all of the background characters and don't care about the Birds of Prey enough to worry about their characterisation or lack of personality. 

The parts I liked were those two pages I mentioned earlier. I like the Not-Terra - but I'm not fond of how she's literally just a super powered Uber for Harley, who has her at her beck and call and who I'm still not sure has an actual name or an origin anywhere. She's too nice and trusting to be genuine friends with Harley. 

 Wotta Comedian!

Harley: All that juicy corruption at Gotham PD, an' all ya spring for is coach?!

Harley: Do I got time ta poop?

Montoya: You can go on the train. 

Harley: Seriously, how much d'ya hate me?

Batgirl: Enjoy your escapades, you lucky little turd-ball.

Joker: Uh oh. Guess you shouldn't have brought a sword to a grenade fight. 

Montoya: Joker! You're under arrest for waaay too many things for me to list at the moment.

Joker: Go ahead, Montoya, give it a try. I'm sure there are a few that even I completely forgot about. 

Bomb Squad: Jeez, it's always something with this cackling f*ck.

References:

  

Sinn's outfit and face make-up kind of reminded me of Tangent Joker. 

Yay, it's Red Tool. ......whytho

Riddler / Scarecrow and the Library of Obviousness

The Laughing Fish make an appearance

Robertson Pier exists... not sure of it's proximity to Robinson Park but if this is canon then Gotham is lousy for original names. 

Gooble Maps? 

Gamazon leggings, tights and pants... Glamazon Amazons might wear these. 

What even is this art though - Joker coloured helicopter parked outside hangar... stupid but okay. Then they presumably run into a back room - assuming that's a tonne of boxes and not the city skyline behind them. Then at the end, Joker's got a magic window that shows him the outside street - but NOT the helicopter. Or because of the little LED strip that changes from green to red, is this meant to be a security monitor or something? Anyway the most annoying part about this is that just prior to these scenes we see Joker's helicopter landing... from the POV of the BOP's helicopter RIGHT ABOVE IT. Then Joker's like:

Sappho and her overly feely friend

Read: she's angry that I almost killed her because I was deliberately stupid and selfish, but when she hears that I stole a bunch of crap, that'll change her mind! 

Again, Nightwing is the butt of all jokes.. but let's not have that overlook the fact that Harley has reduced two of DC's most powerful women into nearly faceless objects for a motorboating sex dream. 

Looks like Harley has some potentially naughty candids of Powergirl, and just offered to share them with someone else casually. Luckily, Not-Terra is so pure that she only desires breakfast. 

Don't you hate it when you're out for a meal and some pervert tries to use their stuffed roadkill as an excuse to publicly creep on your dinner guests?