Harley Quinn And The Birds Of Prey #2

Well here am I, sat in front of an uphill battle of reviewing something that is admittedly out of date and even after a long hiatus I'm out of patience for. Self loathing is a trip, I tell ya. 

August 2020

Same as last issue, written by Palmiotti and Conner again with Conner still doing the art. As you probably know by reading nearly any of my blog posts (another fun word for them is rants!) these guys aren't my favourites. Conner's art is fairly clean, which I appreciate but... 

Eh. As much as the taglines like to spout that these guys really push the boundaries, push the envelope, push the shopping trolleys, push the fourth wall and anything else that needs a shove... they really don't. This is the exact same as their other Harley Quinn run - from the cover layout that I've seen a million times before, the over explained re-cap with a zillion speech bubbles, the billion other characters that Harley is given precedence over, the trillion times we're reminded that Harley is now a crass horndog who really doesn't care about anyone else and the bajillion times we have to hear the same unfunny beaver jokes. 

If I can say something nice about the cover, it's that I like the Harley grenade and the logo is fairly inoffensive. The rest is just... really generic and flat. It's clear Conner loves making this art... but I know she can do better (well, maybe) and not be as lazy as this. 

So, as mentioned earlier we have a huge recap complete with over dramatic Harley even though nothing really happened in the last issue. Well things did happen, but it's nothing that Harley cares about, it's just a lame pretense for her to run away from her girlfriend troubles or the mundane issues like helping her friends recover and find a home because she wants revenge on the eeeevil loan mob she chose to deal with, even though she literally just murdered a huge bunch of them and didn't pay them the money she owed because she was off trying to simultaneously smooch and kill Ivy. 

This is not me being a Harley hater. This is me re-capping what the Harley in this series alone has done. She decided her best course of action was to take a fun road trip to get away from her immediate problems instead of helping her friends and co-workers. 

The Gang of Harleys almost died, they're homeless and with the exception of maybe Coach - they've lost their FREAKING EYEBALLS! 

It just got straight up Little Orphan Annie in here! 

Harley Quinn: fake news and rant about Screenrant

 So - spoiler alert - ScreenRant isn't exactly the headquarters of factual information but they do a lot of clickbait and are allllways at the top of any search for general pop culturey stuff, which I know because I make an effort to avoid clicking on their articles. Today though, they got me. 

I was curious about the tattoo on Harley's back so I read this article by a Thomas Bacon (1/9/2020) in which he states it says property of no-one, which is a throwback to her 'property of Joker' jacket from the first Suicide Squad movie. While I wish we could see this relationship actually play out on the silver screen, Mr. Bacon portrays these tattoos like they're a full relationship run-down and all we need to know. 

But attentive viewers will have noticed a subtle change in Harley Quinn; specifically, her tattoos. Most of these were supposed to have been made by Harley herself, while she was languishing in prison, bored out of her mind. But there are a couple of exceptions, ones in places even the uber-flexible Harley couldn't reach. And all of these conveyed a sense of ownership, suggesting the Joker had branded Harley. One on Harley Quinn's back literally identifies her as "property of Joker." It's easy to miss, but this has actually changed in the behind-the-scenes footage from The Suicide Squad, suggesting Harley has had someone paid to alter the tat. It now reads, "property of no one.
It's a subtle detail, but a great visual way of reminding viewers of Harley's character arc. It suggests Harley Quinn is following the same journey she did in the comics, where she learns to define herself as an individual rather than by her relationships. While she no doubt won't stay single - Birds of Prey subtly set up the romance between Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy - she will never again allow herself to be drawn into the kind of unhealthy, obsessive and abusive relationship she had with the Joker.
All this means Harley Quinn is more than a Joker abuse victim. Rather, she is recovering from her time with the Clown Prince of Crime, getting on with her life, and in so doing presenting a brilliant example to viewers. Superhero franchises rarely explore this theme, tending to show healthy relationships and present idealised views of love and romance. But Harley Quinn is far more real, meaning she has one of the best arcs in the DCEU to date. This tattoo confirms that arc will continue in James Gunn's The Suicide Squad.

I was curious about the 'subtly set up romance' thing because if there's one thing DC doesn't do well in it's films it's.... ok, well, one thing among many is that they ain't subtle. 

The link is in the paragraph if you wish to read it yourself but be warned, it's nothing to do with the movie Birds of Prey.

DC Universe Harley Quinn #63

July 2019
Writer: Sam Humphries
Art: Otto Schmidt
Cover: Guillem March
"Death becomes Harley"

The final trials of Harley Quinn have begun…and the stakes have never been higher! Will Harley succeed in becoming the Angel of Retribution? Or will she fall short, only to suffer the same fate as all those before her?
Plus, a mysterious new comic by M. Clatterbuck appears…in which Lex Luthor makes Harley an exciting offer!
This cover is advertising the tie in for the "year of the villain" event, which is fine I guess, but I mean... going with a cross eyed Harley isn't the image I would have chosen. Plus, I thought the series was pushing the agenda that Harley is no longer a villain? Eh, who can keep up anymore? Especially when she either has hyenas or doesn't or only does when it's convenient like when she needs to sass an anthropomorphic personification of death.

The variant cover artist is Frank Cho who I have criticised before for being
kinda stuck in his ways. Here he's gone a bit different and done an oil painting.. or two. Which, yeah is hard and does take some skill but also.. I don't know if I like these. The first one is okay - but then he changed it to the final cover of just Harley doing her Maggot-Miley impersonation, which then apparently got super pasty white for production and now looks worse. I reckon he should have stuck with the peace sign/Vogue-ing one.





This issue opens with some random hero guy called The Coney Champion - who has sworn to take down Harley for her reign of terror - getting absolutely nerfed by Death. And not the fun Death, like Discworld, but some lazy skeleton who just throws this dude into a truck and kills him.
Which probably the worst part about is not the laziness, not the new character introduced and killed off because he posed a slight threat to Harley, the fact that it had nothing really to do with the story but probably the fact that this guy driving said truck appears to have vehicular manslaughtered before.. and assumes he's at fault even though this other guy hit the SIDE of his truck. What the heck sort of intro is this?

Harley Quinn And The Birds Of Prey

You can probably guess that I've put off reviewing this one for as long as I can.

April 2020

The creative team that transformed Harley Quinn forever returns to shake up her world once more-and this time, the gloves are off! Harley Quinn has avoided Gotham City ever since she broke up with The Joker and found a home, and a kind of family, in Coney Island. But when she gets an offer she can’t refuse, she has no choice but to slip back into the city as quietly as she can, hoping to be gone before anyone-especially her ex-learns she’s been there. But for Harley, “as quietly as she can” is plenty loud…and before she can say “Holee bounty hunters, Batman,” The Joker’s sicced every super-villain in the city on her pretty ombré head-and the only team tough enough (or crazy enough) to come to her defense is the Birds of Prey! The foul-mouthed, no-holds-barred sequel to one of DC’s raciest runs is here! Get on board early, before we come to our senses!

So, the team that messed up Harley Quinn for iterations to come decided to break their 'Harley Quinn retirement' now that there's more media focus on her than usual, they can smell the dinero from a mile away.. and in doing so are going to schlock out their usual off brand catch phrases, show how absolutely annoying their Harley is, and forget that she's been seen in and out of Gotham several times during their run.

Going from that blurb, this is meant to be a direct sequel to the recent movie I guess?

The cover already made me lose what little hope I had. Here are five women of diverse nationalities who all have the exact same face and body type.  The characters in the movie (if you can call it that) were already so distanced from their comic counterparts, but here while they look a bit more like the characters they're meant to be - we still get to tell them apart by their accessories. 

LOL Montoya has doughnuts, she must be a cop! Ha, Cassandra is such a little cat burglar, look at her hoodie with cat ears and how she's stolen Huntress' arrows! 

Also.. are the Birds in Coney Island because otherwise what's with this backdrop of Harley's hotel full of her extended roster of bit-parters if she's supposed to be in Gotham? 

The only thing I LIKE about this cover is the can that says "Oh, happy spray!" but come on, that's not exactly original either, is it?

Birds of Prey: Sirens of Justice #1

Not content with her own comic empire, a successful Gotham City Sirens run and a miserable attempt to encroach on the Birds of Prey universe via cinematic vomit, DC has decided to combine all three of these elements to make this Birds of Prey: Sirens of Justice - The inclusion of one Harley Quinn.

Sigh.

At least going from the cover art and the involvement of one Gail Simone, this should be better than that hideous movie-comic tie-in we had before.

Fight or Flight
May 2020
Writer: Simone
Cover: Lupacchino and McCaig
Interiors art: Miranda

As much as this cover is actually visually appealing - I'm a bit concerned that Harley is basically wearing as knock off version of Canary's outfit. Remember that old design guideline where it was basically law for any TV show/movie/comic etc that had more than one female, that they all had to wear a different style top etc? Anime fans would be familiar with uniformed school girls having extremely varied socks - same kinda thing.

They even go as far as to include fishnets on Harley's get up though - like.. a blonde wearing fingerless gloves, jacket, booty shorts with the same belt, fishnets and then the matching mid-calf black boots? COME ON. That job's been taken already!

I really wish they had taken a page from some of the other outfits Harley has worn, like Arkham City, Assault on Arkham, Gotham City Garage, Joker TPB, Injustice and even the rare Suicide Squad where she has pants and a functional looking outfit..


The interior art is  very much a step below the cover. I'm not really a fan of Miranda's art. At least here there is a bit more to differentiate Harley and Canary, although I stand by my previous comments about Harley needing a better outfit because she looks ridiculously out of place compared to the people she's with, to the extend someone could have poorly photo-shopped her in.
The background work is very nice though, so points for that.

Happy about Simone being back in the saddle - her dialogue between the Birds seems natural and fits their respective personalities, plus her Harley sounds less like an inbred hick and more like someone who genuinely has a bit of an accent/dialect.

My first issue with this first issue though is that it opens on "Later. Ten blocks away and thirty stories up..." which could work for the intrigue aspect but it just happens way too often in comics. Like, flitting between then and now is fine, but didn't we used to just have the comic open and THEN have the later/earlier sequence pop up? This reeks of Conner/Palmiotti. Ugh.

Next issue is immediate.
Harley Quinn is making all the decisions for a team she's not even in and everyone else just goes with it, while making vague comments about her mental capacity.

Random Harley related news

Sam Humphries Says DC Won't Let Him Use Poison Ivy in Harley Quinn

Posted on May 13, 2020 | by Rich Johnston | Bleeding Cool

So in this post, BC stated that rival comic book website CBR made a point of not asking writer Sam Humphries about the lack of Poison Ivy in the current Harley Quinn series and that fans are keen to see it even though apparently Harley's all over Booster Gold now. 

Humphries defended his writing saying he wanted to use Ivy but he doesn't have a choice as the characters aren't always available. 

Some of the questions fans were asking Humphries in a recent live chat were things like;

Question: Considering Poison Ivy is the Morticia to Harley Quinn's Gomez, can we expect them to get back together any time soon?

Humphries liked the question - personally I think that it's a bit weird to compare probably the best straight relationship ever with a bi relationship that's rarely written in an interesting way. What really got me laughing was this bit from BC;

It has been noted that there seems to have been an editorial stance to a) make Poison Ivy a bad guy again and b) remove her as ever having been part of a couple with Harley Quinn, as previously established in the Harley Quinn series and in Heroes In Crisis. Plenty of her fans aren't entirely down with that, after seeing a more nuanced Ivy in the comics in recent years, though that portrayal has been spotty of late. They also see the removal of her from Harley's life as another example of straightwashing Harley Quinn now that the character has a higher media profile.

Can you get annoyed about a character being straight washed when she was originally a straight character that got retconned into a bisexual to fan pander and garner interest? And... if Harley is canonically Bi... how is it a problem if she dates a man? Have you ever read the Conner/Palmiotti run where 'girlfriends without the jealousy of monogamy' meant Harley was almost literally in EVERYONE'S pants at any given time? Where was the outrage there? 

I know lots of fans have always shipped these two, but I stand by my prior statements that these two are a shitty couple. Yeah, not exactly a step above the Joker and Harley. 

If - to make these two characters work in a relationship - you have to first entirely change their sexual preferences, then their entire character - it's not worth it. 

DC Universe Harley Quinn #62

Alright, this one I've been putting off for a while because just reading this comic exhausted me. More on that later.

Anyway, first cover is fine I guess, but the Enchantress' face is scarier than I think the artist intended. Plus, is Harley offended at being called an idiot or is she so far removed from being a jester now that she has no idea what 'fool' means in context?

Cho's cover is a lot better than normal - actually fits the comic's theme and does a good job. It's still weird seeing Harley in the classic costume but not wearing her domino mask. It's like leaving the house not wearing shoes or something. Weird. Doable depending on where you're going, but still like... weird. Also Catwoman's helmet straps dangling seem like an unusual liability for her.

So - why am I exhausted?

Well....

This is page one. 

Did we not get rid of this million speech bubbles bull crap already? And for good reason? 

I'm not the kind of person to baulk at reading - I love reading, and I read fast. I read comics, novels of fiction and non, magazines, blogs, newspapers, flyers, cereal boxes, the really small fine print you get in contracts, HELL - I'm that person that actually reads the pamphlets that come with medication! 

So it's not just the sheer amount of words that are a problem, it's the obnoxious way it's shoved in our faces, complete with randomly sized and differently coloured key points so you don't fall asleep reading the damn thing. 

So, to break it down - Harley - talking to us via the fourth wall - recaps the WHOLE last issue again. She does this while literally being burnt at the stake because PRIORITIES, clearly. Then the whole thing is supposed to be her 'testimony' to Tina, trying to prove she's not crazy. Harley's supposed to be smarter than this, like PhD smart, yet she can't take a second to read the room? She KNOWS people here don't understand her, yet she makes no effort, even when her life and the life of Catwoman is on the line, to pretend to be normal and speak clearly?

Would you talk the same to the CEO of your company as you would to a toddler? How about an astrophysicist versus a grade schooler? An English literature professor against an immigrant who knows only basic translations? Your best friend or your worst enemy?

NO. 

Suicide Squad New52 #23 - Overkill

Oct 2013
"Slash 'n' Burn"
Writer: Ales Kot
Pencils: Rick Leonardi

I'll be honest with ya'll.... this cover looks familiar but I don't recall ever reading this issue before now. Is that good or bad? Honestly not too sure. Maybe I did read but but forgot about it? Who knows. This cover is basically a representation of the Squad's teamwork style - all doing their thing without factoring in what the rest are doing and if it's safe to jump in with your claws when someone's either shooting a gun or aiming a RPG at your intended trajectory point...

I mean, it's not a bad cover - I kinda like the stark white contrast of the background compared to the colourful outfits of the cast. I am concerned about the body shapes of the women though... Cheetah looks like she has no strength in her arms and is painfully contorted. Harley - well, still awkward pre-pubescent boy body yet huge boobs but with the addition of super weird pigtails. Deadshot is squished off to the corners because his outfit's not revealing enough.

Back in Louisiana, Waller and Gordon are having a heart to heart. It's kinda nice seeing Waller having someone she can talk to and not just exposition over or constantly have to compete in urination contests with. Well, that still happens but the conversation here between the maniacal control freak and the one eyed obsessive mother-lover seems quite genuine, and not forced.

Well... it still gets weird. Gordon takes a break out of talking to Waller to monologue his favourite Foreigner song even after she compliments him and tells him she respects him.

Wonder Woman: Agent of Peace #1

Commitment to Chaos

During a run-in with a villainous crime syndicate, Wonder Woman learns about a hit list whose biggest target is a familiar name – Harley Quinn! Can the Champion of Paradise Island track down the Clown Princess of Crime before it’s too late?

Writers: Conner/Palmiotti
Artist: Miranda

Colours: Hi-Fi

April 2020

There's not a lot of variation in these two covers, Wonder Woman looking "off-screen" at whatever threat she's countering. Harley Quinn acting tough behind her, and in BOTH covers manages to make direct eye contact with the reader. I'm not the biggest fan of Conner's artwork.. but good gravy it looks like something from the Louvre next to the horrible body shapes and contortions that the variant gives us. What happened to variant Diana's shoulder and stomach?? Why are variant Harley's boobs looming like visions of doom from the future.... larger than life and certainly larger than her head! 

I first became aware of this comic from the Wonder Woman fan page on Facebook, and the majority of comments were "Why is Harley here? She's way over-saturated" which  is true, she really is. Combined with the fact that both the former writers and artist hail from the Harley Quinn solo series, there is not a doubt in my mind that Wonder Woman is going to get sidelined in her own series. 

The last time these two got involved it was like a really weird fan fiction where not only was Wonder Woman sidelined, but she was really out of character for the sake of having her team up with the Brooklyn Babbler. 

Well, I'm wearing my Wonder Woman shirt.. let's see if this issue is at least better than that time. 

Opening on Wonder Woman wandering through some city - we get some exposition about buildings collapsing randomly followed by some real estate fraud but it doesn't say where she is. I haven't kept up as late with the current Wonder Woman but she used to be based around Washington DC either for her museum or Dept. of Metahuman affairs, New York for her embassy or Boston for her agency.. 

I guess we're in generic USA City. Wonder Woman looks a bit like a strung out supermodel and because it wouldn't be a Conner/Palmiotti book without it, there's obligatory scenes of both gushing fan girls and authoritarian-stereotypical tough guys for the heroine to beat up. 

DC Bombshells #14 Combat pt 5 of 9

When we last left off with DC Bombshells, the good doctor Harley had just abandoned her post... crashed a few parties.... dumped Green Lantern and stole a plane. Just a typical night out in London. Am British by birth - can confirm.

Harley flies over the English Channel (comic puts her at 3 miles from Calais, France but still in 1940) singing her best mutilated Christmas Carol when she's shot down by no less than three tanks. I mean, it IS a special occasion after all. Harley doesn't mind, she rides one of the overlarge shells down in her best Dr. Strangelove impersonation - never mind that the shell must be scorching her thighs, there's debris everywhere, she's falling to her imminent doom and she's wearing a bikini top and mini shorts in the frigid weather.

Luckily, she lands safely in a random greenhouse. Her irritation at the shell for.... not going off? ...is somewhat abated by the appearance of a mysterious, yet clearly armed woman.

Harley Quinn: Future's End

Release Date: September 24, 2014




Harley and The Joker make it legal at last! Follow the happy couple to their secret honeymoon spot, where it’s literally till death do they part!

Alright! For anyone still struggling to cope with Bane-Harley and her subsequent demise in the Suicide Squad Futures End - fear not! In this comic book, the world is still happy and colourful! Harley Quinn is still alive and her.... normal? self. Well, close enough I guess.

I personally believe that it has the best 3D motion cover out of them all, even though I'm not a fan of Conner's art style. In this case, I feel like they really made the most of the lenticular covers and showed a stark change between fantasy and  reality. Close runners up are Wonder Woman and Batwoman and the Suicide Squad one. The rest are kinda meh. Anyway, even if Harley's cover sucked it's still better than that crappy villain's month turd lenTURDiclar cover!

Now the story itself isn't the best,  and in my opinion it starts REALLY lazily with Harley deciding she needs a vacation so she hurriedly posts herself in a crate to kick start the story.

I kinda get they're going for a slapstick Looney Tunes style gimmick but hey, remember when Harley had standards for herself and her lifestyle instead of just sticking it out in a crate with some cured meats for days on end with a bunch of animals.  Like - I've heard the TSA is pretty bad but surely this is an extreme way to avoid them.

Also, don't people presumably check the cargo hold?

Well, maybe they will once idiot here starts yelling at the top of her lungs to the captain when the plane inevitably hits turbulence a few panels down. She wakes up on a desert island with runny eye shadow, but don't worry because it gets fixed further down the page. Of course. 

Presumably the other animals in the cargo hold didn't make it, but Harley is more concerned with her lost beaver and insulting the one surviving animal, a dog she fed bacon to for some reason. This dog makes the wise choice to save it's career and run out of this comic. Ultimate pupper. 

Birds of Prey (and the fantabulous emancipation of one Harley Quinn) Trailer #1

Today I watched the Birds of Prey trailer.
Kinda wish I hadn't.
Well... this will be an ultimate breakdown, and believe me, when you screen cap this stuff you realise how much time is spent yet again on Harley as opposed to the rest of the motley crew.
Also how much everyone slags the Birds of Prey TV show when this looks to be in the same vein.




Hardly Quinn walks down a neon street asking someone if they know what a harlequin is.

She goes on to explain in a weird, drunken voice that 'a harlequin's role is to serve, they're nothing without a master.' Actually, harlequins were more like advisers to royalty and were the only ones who could basically tell the king he was a frickin' gobshite without losing their head over it.

Cut to Huntress in a old looking church for like a split second.

Back to Hardly Quinn in a bar after she got drunk and fell into a pile of sequins and diamontes.

She's talking to the race swapped Black Canary... who is apparently a smoker? Um, lady - your lungs? The ones you need to screm? Alright, good luck scremin' loud with laryngitis.

"Gurl, don't even try to talk to me, you a mess."

Hardly tells Canary; 'No one gives two shits who we are beyond that.' Ah, this is some meta reference that no-one cares who the Birds are because Hardly is taking all their screen time.

WB/DC logos in that miserable half pink half blue dye job that would otherwise get you dropped from beauty school.
Hardly cuts her pigtails... slightly? I guess this is character development in her mind.

"Sometimes I cut myself.. but I'm not splitting hairs over it."

'The Joker and I... broke up.' Cut to a terrible drawing of the Joker as seen in his original comic form being stabbed and slashed. Ironic that his image is damaged, yet his tattoo is mysteriously absent. Hmm.

"Screw you for leaving me out of your great movie, Pheonix!"

Hardly throws more knives at it and it turns out she's a pretty bad shot.
Cut to Gotham apparently half on fire and what could be Montoya sashaying towards the flames.

Only a split second mind. Who cares what new catastrophe has befallen Gotham now because HARDLY HAS BOYFRIEND TWUBBLES!
'Need a new start but as it turns out I wasn't the only gal in Gotham looking for emancipation.'

**Black Canary intensifies**

Suicide Squad New52 #22 - Death and Destruction in Sin City!

Sept 2013
Writer: Ales Kot
Artist: Patrick Zircher
Colours: Jason Keith
"Light at the End of the Tunnel"

This is one of the first issues of New52 Suicide Squad that I reviewed back before I had my current format. If you'd like to read my baby blogger prattle, you can click here - otherwise I'll put the highlights in red text if needed.

Alright, so, if you recall last time the Squad had a mini revolution and have now come to work better as a team and there's a lot less yelling 'DAMN YOU WALLER!" and in it's place, more work enjoyments. Like Las Vegas holidays!

I mentioned the cover before so there's not much more to be said apart from - while I do like the aesthetic.... I can't get past Harley's concave and malnourished looking torso. Deadshot should not be front and centre, he looks awful! It's like he took a time out to swear an oath and in the meantime, someone took a shitty sketch of him and photo-shopped it in badly. King Shark - well, I only just now noticed he has human heads in his arms. Sure, in hindsight it's pretty bad that I missed this but I could only see his freaky feet.

Right into it this time, the Squad are in Nevada because of some vague Intel about someone about to use mass hypnosis for some nefarious purpose. I mean, it's always nefarious isn't it? No one ever brainwashes crowds to start doing line dances or the world's best Mexican Wave, do they? When will this discrimination end???

Panning over Vegas there's some tourist information helpfully posted around Jnr being smacked down by Waller. Someones doing some hypnotism and they've gotta be stopped! Again, not uncommon in Vegas. The source is confidential!! Or hasn't been written in or thought about much. Again, not uncommon in Ve-. Suicide Squad. 

Anyway, Waller tells Jnr to shut up again while Deadshot and Harley gamble in disguise. That is to say, Deadshot gambles like an ordinary person while Harley clings to him in over sized gauntlets and aforementioned clown whore. She also spouts things such as 'Like a boss!' and 'tiger blood' which is a reference so dated it took me a moment to place it. When were these comics written?! 

Naturally as only one of them blends in with the ordinary folk and the other looks like the serial murderer as seen over the news a while ago, a security person at the casino asks them to come with him. Have they been cheating? Winning too much? I couldn't say, it's the first freaking panel and they're already being escorted out!

Actually, even though we only have two panels it doesn't really seem like Deadshot is gambling at all. Still, I kinda like the cinematic pan over those two panels. Harley really didn't go into too much effort to change her costume but I do kinda like the head-dress and grape earrings. I'm going to enjoy this possible throw back to her love of grape soda, and ignore the pink fluffy things on her arms that possibly foreshadow her transition to pink and blue nightmare. 

Batgirl #18 'O, Harley Night!'

Judging by the snow and the red and green coloured title, it's already going to be an American Christmas. Why did I specify that? Because I'm English, but now live in Australia.. where the concept of it snowing at Christmas, which is generally the meltiest time of the year but it's because the heat soars higher than any sleigh, and the drops falling are just filthy sweat... not snow.

There is a reason why we amend our Santas to look like this;

for if we don't... THEY SUFFER FROM OVERHEATING. 

So the general or popular opinion that you have to be buried in ten feet of snow for it to be actually Christmas gets a bit grating at times but yeah, sure, it's set in American and it's comics so sure. Ok.

But of course - our Harley is still running around wearing her usual outfit and ... a scarf?
Like - OH NO, It's cold! Better wear a scarf with fluffy boots and not like... do my jacket up or.. heaven forbid, wear pants or something covering my midriff!

She also adds purple and green leggings to her already horrible mish mash of red/black/pink/blue. Why? Who knows. Also not a massive fan of the change of Batgirl costume. I know - I'm behind the times there and it does seem to suit her more youthful appeal but you just can't beat the classics.
Also, how did Harley beat Batgirl to the point where she's just casually looking up at this arse clown while her back is surely breaking? And that my friends, is a 'too soon' for me moment.

Variant cover is alright, Harley is channelling Joker in the face but it's still better than wearing a band-aid on her mug like in cover one. At least here she commits to the Christmas theme and goes full red and green - even though she's wearing booty shorts, at least her jumper is done up and she's wearing warm gloves. The jingle bell belt is nice and I approve of the pigtail fluffy scrunchies and the the British looking old school lamps in the snow, however it seems like Batgirl was drawn by a different artist? And why is her hair made of spray paint? Still, the little gift-bomb is a nice touch.

So - why is this happening?  Let's have a look.

Studio Fow - Harley Quinn porn parody

For those not familiar - Studio Fow is a animated porn company set up around 2014. Most if not all, of their content is based off gaming characters, and their aim is to be as non-vanilla as possible.

Pretty sure they take the actual characters from games and just re-rig their models. I don't know about the scenery/backgrounds - but probably.

SCARLET NIGHTS
RELEASE DATE: JUNE 28TH, 2016


It’s complete anarchy in Gotham as StudioFOW launches its depraved new series! Without the Dark Knight around there’s a distinct lack of fear around the city, but as the Clown Princess of Crime is about to discover, there are far more terrifying things lurking in Gotham’s seedy underbelly. Lesson one of this new Gotham is don’t piss off the wrong guys…


I gotta say, I approve of the title. You know, it could have been really tacky, like 'One Knight in Harley' or something lame like that.

DC Universe: Harley Quinn #60

Holy crap, this issue only has one cover that I can tell! I don't
actually know what to do with myself..
There is so much confusion in my life right now and I honestly don't know what's real or not. Is up down, and vice versa? Is there a spoon? Is the world actually flat but not as bad ass as Discworld?

No, wait, I lied. Or rather, I was misled. There is a second cover where a fancy Harley contemplates killing a bat. I don't see why you would go to the trouble of dressing up like that and then keeping your normal hair style. Right? Keep it period appropriate.



Ohhhh... I see what happened here.... Harley's variant got kicked off of the digital copy I had to make room for Shazam! movie advertising. I still haven't seen that yet. Oh well. The ordinary cover's fine.. I guess. Nothing to write home about, it's not even a good parody of an overblown action movie because I'm sure I've seen at least ten other covers in her solo series just like this. Plus we're back with another speech bubble "pun". Like, it's too generic and so far over into 'Not Trying Land' ... why should we care?
Also Harley's ribs are visible through and over her tube top. That's... probably not good.

In fact, this whole issue is an up and down mixed bag of something. It constantly brings in a cool concept with the benefit of nice art, but then keeps dragging itself down with the terminal stupid and a bad case of the 'whatever, this is good enough to churn out an issue with'.

Starting off with a alien/horror movie setting jumping on from the ten seconds we saw of S.T.A.R. labs Coney freakin' Island last time. She's freaking out saying she's trapped and being hunted.. everything's dark and she's alone. This is good, it's a great set up and it makes you wonder how she got in this situation. It makes you wonder what she's going to encounter. It makes you wonder if this is real because Harley's being unusually sombre.

Then you realise that she's probably only in this situation so her fancy alien ray guns can match her stupid hair colour.

Then you get told this is what she's doing and why she's in this mess.

"Hi, it's me, Harley! Trying to be Deadpool by breaking that fourth wall! LOL!! Totally changed since the old stupid classic version of me but I'm still doing crimes! For my mom! Who has cancer! Haven't mentioned that in a while! You know my mom has cancer. Cancer mom!
Yeah, remember how she's already being treated by competent doctors? And how she tells me not to do anything stupid?? Lulz here I am breaking in to find some random magical cure I just invented in my head because there's no proof such a thing exists in this place! Or even if this building existed prior to today! So random!@! Rawr!!"

DC Universe Harley Quinn #59

Sooo... emancipated Harley wears a belt saying Puddin's Harley. That's totally cool, I guess. Apart from that, I like the details in her hands, the shadow effect is nice.. but it loses points for Harley's mother being shoe-horned in there when you know it's never going to change her high opinion of her angelic daughter. Some points back because Nathan couldn't give a shit. Does she even still have that stupid dog?

And no, not this time, crazy weeaboo style cover! This one is not as appealing as the last one. Your tubular body with melon boobs offends me and I don't understand what's happening in the background.

Getya tongue outta yer teeth unless you legitimately have food stuck in there!!



The first page is a bit jarring - Harley is dreaming about passing the trials and being a cosmic badass...while jumping over a crowd of well moisturised hands but the way she goes about it is just so vain!

"Brooklyn's favourite daughter, Harley Quinn...."

"I look so cool and hot!"

"Listen ta them, they love me!" 

This bugs me. (tee hee) But seriously, when has Harley faced any real opposition for being who she is? Let's face it, everyone gives her a pass, everyone apparently adores her, and she's never had to go through any cosmic shite to get to this point.
Still..... here we are apparently.

Watching an extreme close-up of Harley's eyeball like it's a horror movie, listening to her say she fell asleep on the comfy couch when she's clearly in a bed, then she goes to her en suite. So she's in her bedroom. Then oh no, she's got a bug head when she looks in the mirror!

Flashback to a day ago, where Harley is again swarmed by her adoring Legions, merely for standing on a stage about to be dunked. People even have the same foam gloves that Miley Cyrus tainted back in the day. So... this is for charity.. but I assume people have paid money for these, money that is probably going into Harley's pocket as we haven't heard otherwise.

So is her more recent fame based off her short lived faux-youTube series, that time she ran for Mayor or when she had her goon squad of stereotypes that tried to help the city but normally ended up making things worse. It's still really unclear if people realise she's that Harley Quinn that hung out with the Joker and what not.. every now and then someone says to her "grr grr you're a criminal grr grr" and Harley just goes "No, I've changed. Hmph!" and struts out to waves of applause from the general populace of Coney Island who just don't care about all the crap she's brought to their city since Harley "left her life of crime behind."

* montage of all the people Harley has killed or dismembered, the time she kept throwing her animal's excrement over the town, when she maimed people because she wanted to win a sports game, where she wreaked her SJW-type justice against people but in a way that was too extreme, every time she jumped at a chance to make her own life better but had dire consequences for other citizens (think Little Black Books, etc) and all the times she caused property damage*

Porn Parody - Digital Playground's Suicide Squad

I have dipped my toe in, why not get the whole foot wet?
Uhh... that's supposed to be a pool analogy... maybe it doesn't work the best with a porn review.

Yes, I reviewed the other major one - Axel Braun's  version so now it's Digital Playground's turn.

This one stars Aria Alexander as Harley and Isiah Maxwell as Deadshot.

Now right off the bat - tee hee - you can tell this one is basically a vehicle for the Harley Quinn actress - Aria Alexander. The intro credits - even though very small, only show stylised images of Harley and hardly mentions a squad. There's the briefest of plots thrown our way as well... something about Lex Luthor in Gotham? It's not impossible.. but you know he's a Superman villain in Metropolis, right? Guys?

So we open with just Harley and Deadshot (like, there's REALLY no Squad at all, huh?) and first off I have an issue with Deadshot's headpiece.

My what a big... eyepiece... you have. Ain't that thing heavy? Harley's wig is not the best either. It's not the worst of the worst (Suicide Squad joke, anyone?) but every now and then you see the fake looking super shiny blonde-ness, or when she goes to flip her pigtail over her shoulder and the whole freaking thing shifts dramatically.

Perhaps I should mention that this thing is just over half an hour. So, what is the story?