New Suicide Squad: Future's End

Or should that be, future's bleak?
Well kids, I can confirm that my jaw dropped when I read this comic. I don't know why. It's not really a medical thing, it definitely shouldn't be from DC doing ridiculous things all the time because I take drugs for that now.

At the very least, when the cover shows me this:

Why go all the way to the Oval Office and *not* use the presidential chair?

and the solit tells me this:

Amanda Waller’s covert war against the United States reaches the boiling point as the Suicide Squad takes the White House!
I sort of expect this:

See, some nice drapes really makes it a whole new room!

Which left me thinking, did I buy the wrong comic or what? I've often bemoaned the fact that in the New 52 more than ever, the covers do not match the interior story. Basically, if you don't want any spoilers you can toddle off right about now, pip pip!

So the art's looking nice, Deadshot looks more like he used to and doesn't talk like a soppy jerk anymore which is fantastic. What bugs me about this appearance right away is not that he's missing an arm, but the fact that his sleeve is just ripped where his arm should be. What, they couldn't provide a sleeve less top in a classy handicapable friendly way? Makes it look like they just tore his arm off with his shirt, cleaned him up and then said, there ya go, buddy! Enjoy your underground prison experience Stumpy!

Maintains a good 'stache though.

Amanda Waller sure has calmed down over those last five years! Plus she's kinda like a happy Rambo. I'm still not sure why she has this love-hate relationship with the squad where she always has to reunite them no matter how useless they are as a team or how much they hate her.

Aww yeah

So they go around collecting messed up former squad members like Pokemon and it turns out they've all been modified but things totally went wrong. Which leads into this.....

                  

You know what? Trying to give Deadshot a gun for an arm? Makes sense. Trying to give Black Manta extra combat knowledge? Makes sense. Looking at Harley Quinn and thinking: My word! The only way we could possibly improve this psycho gymnast is to make her into the freaking Venom Hulk!

DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!

Was she supposed to be the muscle of the team? Where the hell is Shark-face? Why are they still letting her wear her corset/booty shorts?! Also... I know it's Venom and all but.. it's like rage steroids, right? So why are her boobs still bigger than her head in half of these shots?! 

Here's something:

Teenage girls use steroids as a way to improve or change their body shape. The side effects include male pattern baldness, a permanently deepened voice, breast shrinking, and detrimental changes to the menstrual cycle.

Okay? Bigger body does not necessarily mean bigger boobs. Unless you're in Gen13, I suppose. 

One time, at a comic convention I met one of the surliest Harley Quinn cosplayers I have ever seen in my life. The other one's more famous I guess (however undeservedly), but this one was a MAN. I dubbed him Manly Quinn and was forever scarred because what had been seen could not be unseen.

I should charge the writer the cost of my therapist!

Moving on, there's some plot about baby clones and downloading personalities but all I can think is.. after all the crap these Suicide Squad guys have pulled, after all the bad fashion choices, after all the psychological damage they obviously suffer from and after all the times they have disobeyed orders and screwed up....

Why..... would you want their personalities? Just.... why? I mean it, if someone could honestly give me an answer I would appreciate it. 

Next item of awkward business...

When the Joker is cloned as a couple of kids and still isn't funny. It's an interesting premise but these pages fall flat for me due to a couple of things.

1) Harley obviously reacts badly to the sight of the Joker spawn, Deadshot just has to ask 'What's up with her?' DOY, Deadshot. DOY.

2) Despite holding guns, no one ever shoots at these abominations. I was waiting for an explanation along the lines of 'they're just kids' or some such nonsense but it was never explained. Waller and Deadshot leave the Manta corpse and the Harley bomb instead of doing what Deadshot does.... and SHOOT AT THINGS. Core part of his character, people!

3) Judging distance. While standing near a wall, Black Manta is hit with acid from a ways away. Then Black Manta kicks fiend child up close into another wall. Black Manta is seen staggering in pain further away and then in an eye blink the devil tween is all up in his grill, getting happy with the stab? Turns out he was right next to Harley the whole time? Who, by the way is hit with acid on the chin and holds her eyes in agony instead. Next, no damage from acid is seen and Harley attempts to hold her ridiculous boobs up and expands her vocabulary from 'aaaaaaah!' to 'noooo!'. 

4) Side note: even addled by Venom/Caveman drugs, why would Harley not expect the squirting flower? Also, her lack of damage might be tied up in her previous immunity to Joker death traps/gas etc but who even knows if it's canon or not anymore? It could have been made clearer. 

 The next battle between Kidstroke and Deadshot is a lot better. I'll admit I skipped most of the dialogue the first time around because it was so 'blah blah blah you're old, I'm new and improved, I'm totally not going to di--aaaaccghkhkhjkfdvguhh....' 

Predictable. I didn't have to read it. I actually felt kind of sorry for the douchebag clone. They took his eye out for authenticity? Harsh, man. Also, kind of redundant. Weird. Anyway, Deadshot was epic in the end but I wasn't too emotional over his death/black out scene. You know he'll be back in some way, shape or form.

Pros:

• Deadshot being more like the Deadshot we knew and loved.
• Art being decent when not horrifying or distance-challenged
• Good theory of weaponised Suicide Squad members
• New 52 Harley Quinn being killed off
• Amanda Waller leading and not just threatening

Cons:

• The horror of Harley Quinn
• The raising of too many questions
• The lack lustre gun play
• The terrible distance judging (no, cannot get over that!)
• Nothing really tying this story to anything else, eg the White House cover, Harley Quinn's proposed adventures looking like this and being alive...

Considering this *is* the Suicide Squad and I have some kind words to say about it, I'm impressed already. That, or desensitised. At the heart of it all, I just wish I could go back to having comics as a hobby I could enjoy instead of beating my head against the wall of continuity and wailing like Venom-Quinn.