DC Universe Harley Quinn #54

The main cover isn't horrible.. but it does kinda defeat the purpose of the last issue being spent on ruining Harley's faux-Youtube career. Variant cover.. yeah, it's nice but apart from making me think they ran out of time to finish the colouring in, it gets me rolling my eyes at the 'pumpkin spice' mallet.

I live in Australia, where the only pumpkin flavoured things are our pumpkins, pumpkin scones, pumpkin soup and so forth. One time, I saw a pumpkin spice body spray and in the more American themed coffee shops they do a random pumpkin flavoured thing but it's not very big here. Still, you get the memes about everything being pumpkin-this or pumpkin-that that the mallet being named pumpkin spice is kinda cringey.



Anyway, back to this comic about people (apparently everyone everywhere including Martian G-D Manhunter!! Is it THAT boring in the Watchtower???) watching online videos.
Yep. Groundbreaking stuff alright.

Minor Disaster switched Harley's delete and upload video, so now Harley is ugly-crying in an alley being filmed by said Minor Disaster.

Told ya. 

Harley gets mad, and forgets to use English correctly.

"Ain't nobody with a loser name like Minor Disaster can bring me down low!" she yells, defiant of the fact that she just used a double negative and also that she has an appropriate villain name and has just called the kettle black.

Then she gets super mad about being called a lame Joker rip-off, but I mean you can't deny that, especially if you're keeping the skin bleach.

Back at Harley's home (does Coach live there too?) they have an argument seeing who can use the most colourful language.

Told ya so. 

It also raises some questions. Harley has just had a shower, as you can see by her mould green towel that's only a fraction darker than her skin. She appears to have wiped off her runny mascara. So... why does she still have the other eye make-up on? IS it make-up? Are they permanent bruises? What the funk?


Side note, oh look, it's one of those helpful editors again. See two issues back for an explanation! Well that's great. Only it's not really relevant because Coach tells you about it, and it was TWO ISSUES AGO. At the rate these comics come out, it was only last month! Do they think we're stupid and useless??

Oh good, time for a sulk. How old is Harley supposed to be again? About as old as Harley's mom doing her "Be your best self!" routine! *ba-boom TISH!*












Harley sends Tina to get her a buttload of weapons because some younger girl has humiliated her on the internet. Obviously she can't win, so she resorts of ultra-violence to come out on top. Yet the next panel neither Tina nor Harley have any of these weapons. They're stalking Minor Disaster (how? We never find out) who is meeting up with her dad, Major Disaster. His powers are bad haircuts, flight, exposition and a same-sex crush on Guy Gardner.

Speaking of bad haircuts, Harley says Penny has one when her hair is just normal length, purple tresses. Ouch.

Takes a bad haircut to know one, hey?

Predictably, Harley gets sad at seeing Major Disaster being a Major Butthead to Penny, so she skips being mad and moves to confused, because the internet is full of stupid people.

He hates her laugh, but they appear to have the same accent..

Remember to include all stereotypes in your reaction vids!

Wow, I want to punch the first reactor in the face. The other two are kinda understandable but good gravy, the pretentious overthinker who regurgitates the 'broke the internet' hullabaloo does nothing but tick me off and remind me that it's never good things that break the internet (allegedly) it's always weird Hardly Quinn things and Kartrashians. Ugh.

Also, can Coach not find a real job? I feel like she had potential and the drive to get out there but for some reason hung around Harley and now she's one of those people that quit their real jobs to manage their kid's social media accounts. It's weird.

So no weapons, Harley just filmed Penny's heartbreak in an attempt to turn the world against her. Could be worse, she could have done one of those fake apology videos like everyone else does.

Minor Disaster tries to take out her emotions on the Disaster Dial but causes an earthquake/whirlpool somehow. I mean, her name is MINOR disaster.. and so far all she's caused is diarrhoea, garbage mountains, banana peel shenanigans and mixing up phone buttons. I get it's meant to be a throw back to last issue when she WANTED to cause a catastrophe but yeah okay, whatever.

This next part is great - they show us this space station bit that's supposed to be so lol random but it's ruined when one of the astronauts looks out the window, sees this..

and expositions this crap about specifically Coney Island being in danger.

"Something is wrong with Coney Island -- it's floating away from the mainland! Right into that whirlpool! The whole island is going to drown! Coney Island just broke away from Brooklyn completely!

Well that's pretty good eyesight to a) enhance the view from that far away without using any equipment and b) see through what looks like a cyclone and c) refer to it as specifically Coney Island and not say, New York. Forget breeding monkeys, NASA is clearly doing something with eyes and exposition! Considering Harley expositions over the resolution, I don't know why they didn't just use her again instead of bringing in these weird ass astronauts.

You know what else is weird? Harley seeing Penny on a roof a few metres away and yelling at her, telling her she'll break the forth wall when she kicks her ass but then skips over how they come to be a metre apart in the next panel.

Then Harley tries to have a heart to heart with her. I mean, time and place man! Time and place! You're in the middle of a disaster but you gotta whip out your cell phone? Come on!

Clearly overhearing someone having an argument in a public place and referring to it later is so far fetched that one just has to show the video graphic evidence in order to be believed.

Then the story dissolves into a random people helping Tina because they saw her on the internet with a random celebrity so she must be alright. So how come every New York based disaster movie I've ever seen shows everyone running away instead of helping?


Ugh, now Harley refers to not being a good swimmer again. Is this a reference to the canon destroying Suicide Squad movie? Because it sucks!

Anyway, Minor Disaster creates another disaster, a volcano which somehow cancels out the whirlpool thing instead of creating yet another ecological problem considering how it's nearer to Coney than the whirlpool is and it's spitting out liquid hot magma. So the skies go back to perfect, someone lost a luxury yacht and it's very unclear if the ferris wheel is structurally sound or not.

So Tina's a hero, Minor Disaster is now possibly Minor Miracle, or possibly still a villain, either way she disowns her dad and breaks her phone so again, unclear.
Then we timeskip two whole months for some reason. I wish we didn't, because it's apparently just Harley in a hideous elf costume ripping off Lobo's catchphrases again and mashing all the holidays together.

And oh no, here's the true disaster, it's family visiting for Christmas. Even Harley's mom, who visits even though she lives at Harley's house. Or so it seemed. So unclear.

She looks like a failed elfish astronaut. 

Also I don't know any of these people. The only canon Quinzel family is from Gotham City Sirens, not this bunch of randoms.
And who the hell rocks up at someone's home unannounced? That's the best way to guarantee sleeping on the freakin' floor!

The Short End of the Jester Schtick

So this issue had a lot of plot holes but somehow still came off as a coherent story - plus it brought Harley's lame YouTube career to a grinding halt so that's worth a few points!

The story itself was pretty predictable - Harley feeling bad for Penny, Tina not being ostracised, Harley leaving the business of small small small screens - but it wasn't as corny as you thought it would be. I liked that they didn't go the route of Harley beating a teenage girl to death with a variety of melee weapons because she couldn't grow as a character enough to handle 'defeat' any other way.

Looking at you, old writers, ya shite bags.

Wotta Comedian!

Harley: She better not upload that video, too!
*later*
Harley: Well, she uploaded the video!

Major Disaster: First you chase Guy Gardner away--
Minor Disaster: But Guy Gardner wasn't even here --

Harley: I dunno, Tina. This ain't funny anymore. Let's go eat hot dogs about it. 

Astronaut 1: Houston, we have a problem. We've tried everything!
Ground Control: Did you try - -
Astronaut 1: Yes, we played D'Angelo and everything! They're just not into each other!
Ground Control: Well, we paid a billion dollars to find out what happens when monkeys mate in space, so you gotta make some magic happen!
Astronaut 1: Hey, if you wanna fly up here and simulate primate foreplay, be my guest! 

Harley: Tina! Go save the hot dogs! I'll save the donuts!
Tina: No, Harley you protect the people, I'm going to save the island!
Harley: Right! Just like I said!