Today I watched the Birds of Prey trailer.
Kinda wish I hadn't.
Well... this will be an ultimate breakdown, and believe me, when you screen cap this stuff you realise how much time is spent yet again on Harley as opposed to the rest of the motley crew.
Also how much everyone slags the Birds of Prey TV show when this looks to be in the same vein.
Hardly Quinn walks down a neon street asking someone if they know what a harlequin is.
She goes on to explain in a weird, drunken voice that 'a harlequin's role is to serve, they're nothing without a master.' Actually, harlequins were more like advisers to royalty and were the only ones who could basically tell the king he was a frickin' gobshite without losing their head over it.
Cut to Huntress in a old looking church for like a split second.
Back to Hardly Quinn in a bar after she got drunk and fell into a pile of sequins and diamontes.
She's talking to the race swapped Black Canary... who is apparently a smoker? Um, lady - your lungs? The ones you need to screm? Alright, good luck scremin' loud with laryngitis.
Hardly tells Canary; 'No one gives two shits who we are beyond that.' Ah, this is some meta reference that no-one cares who the Birds are because Hardly is taking all their screen time.
WB/DC logos in that miserable half pink half blue dye job that would otherwise get you dropped from beauty school.
Hardly cuts her pigtails... slightly? I guess this is character development in her mind.
'The Joker and I... broke up.' Cut to a terrible drawing of the Joker as seen in his original comic form being stabbed and slashed. Ironic that his image is damaged, yet his tattoo is mysteriously absent. Hmm.
Hardly throws more knives at it and it turns out she's a pretty bad shot.
Cut to Gotham apparently half on fire and what could be Montoya sashaying towards the flames.
Only a split second mind. Who cares what new catastrophe has befallen Gotham now because HARDLY HAS BOYFRIEND TWUBBLES!
'Need a new start but as it turns out I wasn't the only gal in Gotham looking for emancipation.'
This voice over comes over a really emo looking Canary gripping a mic like it's a prize winning hand job, then she is apparently singing and causing martini's to wobble...or.... shake, even?
James Bond is shook.
That's actually a terrible premise for a regular act, I mean, booze is a bar's bread and butter. Don't mess with that or you're out on your keister, no matter how good you sing.
Montoya struts through the station carrying the universal cardboard box that screams of 'you just got fired' while other cops all clap, but don't look at her?
Huntress holds a bow caster while wearing an uncomfortably heavy looking and bug like helmet. Also baring her abdomen while riding a motorbike. Um, yeah.... not the best idea.
Hardly pulls a really weird face while wearing her trash bag confetti outfit. Huntress seems to be behind her from the previous shot. Hardly looks like she's about to box someone but in the sad Youtuber-style of it.
Black Mask sans Mask walks up to three dangling chumps in a warehouse. 'Spectacular news!' he declares, which manages to garner more enthusiasm and cheer in those two words than I've ever seen him show in the comics.
Hardly joygasms over a random hyena in a cage.
Back to Maskless Black Mask who does the throat slicey hand gesture before one of his goons approaches an upside down girl with a knife. Goon has cut marks on hand - possibly Zsasz.
Hardly runs through a market - realising that she needs to go home and get more money to then buy every single item so she can cut it up and wear it all at once.
'Ms. Quinn, she belongs to me.' Buddy - you can keep her! Black Mask talks to some bleached blonde idiot.
Hardly eats licorice with her hyena in an attempt to upstage the 'live action' Lady and the Tramp.
Hardly stands in front of Cassandra in a warehouse, dripping wet and looking like someone asked her what her motivation is before saying 'who are you guys?' to some random bikers. They shoot at her, and the girls run away awkwardly.
Some lady looks horrified with a gun - is this Montoya? Huntress kicks a mafia table during dinner because they didn't invite her. Black Mask looks out of the window from Daredevil's apartment.
Hardly is captured and tied to a chair in that same stupid club with the weird hand eyes and a bunch of goons pull guns on her. 'Here's the deal Quinn.' Black Mask has an emotional breakdown in his bedroom because he regrets painting his walls so artistically.
Hardly grins at the camera - not sure if she's meant to have blood in her mouth or if it's just her usual sloppy make-up. She looks drunker than she did at the start of the trailer, and it's 51 seconds in.
Someone sighs, someone else yells 'You need me!'
Hardly lets her head fall forward and when she looks up she's ripping off Marilyn Monroe because of course she is. Heaven forbid anyone have an original idea in Hollywood. Now we're gonna have tweenage girls calling this look iconic and not even realising where it came from initially.
She does some stupid dance number full of jazz hands. That hideous tattoo on her chest is still there.
'hees awfta awl hof uhs neow' drawls Hardly, while we see her wearing a rip off of Freddie Mercury's jester leotard, holding a mallet while Black Canary does her best to contain her mini-bra in her flimsy shirt. Hardly raises her mallet while Cassandra bears her gang colours and two other people are also there.
Upside down POV looking at possible Zsasz. Hardly flops over a couch with a comically huge dart in her neck.
'None of us are walkin' outta here...' says the voice-over while the gaggle of idiots... actually walk out of either a well lit sewer or a tunnel of love. Not the most well thought out edit ever.
Hardly LEADS the gang while everyone else just follows the headliner act, afraid she might cut them from the film if she feels threatened.
A split second after this frame, something hits the roof and they all scream and prepare to fight. Honestly can't tell if Black Canary is a squealer or if she's about to Sindel their foes.
Motorbike ride. Car ride.
'....unless we work together.' Hardly begging for friends, knowing she can't do a solo movie without anyone else for her to outshine/sideline. Also, is she supposed to be in the clock tower. Ugh.
More Monroe-knock off scene followed by Harley holding onto the back of a car and being pulled along her roller skates.
Huntress, Montoya and Canary stand in front of a window that has a bat-person shape hole in it.
Huntress looks like she's seriously re-thinking her contract, Montoya is hilariously short, possibly scanning the floor for a box to stand on and Canary appears to be resigned to being the half naked POC of the film.
'With you?'
Hardly and Cassandra... well... Cassandra is there but hidden in the background - run through the aisle of a supermarket laughing.
Hardly stand before the four other bit parters and gestures like a game show girl.
'You gotta be kidding me.' Hey, that's what I thought too when I saw Hardly had stolen Ace Ventura's pants!
Flash back to girls, flash back to Hardly jumping in her Ventura knock-offs before landing on some idiot's leg. Not sure if the three girls in the booth behind her are the bit parters or not.
Close up on idiot screaming in pain.
Looking down through a skylight - Hardly leading the girls into an old Joker hide-out?
'Isn't this fun? It's just like a sleepover. OH! We should order pizza. Make Cosmos.' Hardly prattles before Canary politely tells her to shut her face.
Hardly presses a bell before the camera pans out to her best attempt at a disguise then she shoots what looks like a cop?
Slow motion on Hardly pulling a bizarre, exaggerated sad face and waving her fingers around.
She then pushes open a door and marches in - possibly at the police station still? - and says 'I'm the one they should be scared of!'
She might be taking to her co-workers her, this may not actually be in the script.
She yells BOO then headbutts the camera. She hides under a flimsy ass table while her house explodes. More Monroe background dancers. 'Not you!'
Someone in a hotel gets shot and/or shot at?
'Not Mister J'
Hardly punches a pillow, then break dance fights in a massive puddle. Then she humps a pole because of course she does. She laughs in a car. 'Because I'm Harley frickin' Quinn!'
She looks happily at the hyena. She points a gun at someone. She does a break dance move while apparently wearing the same style hot pants from Suicide Squad. Well, they said this movie was very low budget. She slides down a candy striped slide. She appears
in someone's rear mirror, like that other horror movie. Canary sings while Black Mask - still no mask, walks in front rudely.
She dodges a bullet shot at the rear windscreen. Black Mask turns around in front of Canary
singing and says 'Whoo! Who's having a good time?'
Hardly jumps onto the back of a moving vehicle, Huntress possibly riding alongside?
'Get ready, ladies' She kicks a goon off the open back car. Have always said they're a bad idea.
Canary spin kicks someone then
looks at them falling. Hardly jump
kicks someone. Huntress wrecks up some idiot's farm.
Hardly then spends the next few seconds of the trailer walking away from an exploding Ace Chemicals while the names of people who may or may not appear in the movie flick up.
Roll title card and it's stupidly long subtitle.
Cassandra says 'Ohh, you're that psycho chick.' Hardly is driving and says 'You never call a woman chick. I'll accept broad, lady, woman and on occasion, bitch!'
Cassandra at first appears to be concerned about the car following them, but then focuses on this speech and repeats 'Bitch?' like Hardly's saying something unique and amazing. 'What are you talking about?'
Uh... it's pretty clear you chowderhead. It's probably the only thing I can agree with Hardly on.
Hardly lights an ACME dynamite stick and gives it to Cassandra. 'Toss that for me, will ya?'
She does and blows the trailing car up.
AAaaaaaaaand that's about it. It's two minutes long, and again all we see is Harley. You know, it's one thing to do an elseworld's kind of thing and put these characters in a different setting (otherwise Cassandra Cain being mentioned by name is completely ridiculous, Oracle I can understand because of the whole New52ish direction these movies try to take, but still.... BATGIRL IS MISSING.)
The whole team movie again has not worked well for DC and here they are again with their expanded but not fleshed out universe.
If they really wanted a Harley Quinn vehicle - why include the Birds of Prey? Why not just have new characters that Harley can interact with (and over act around, natch)
All the comments on the trailer and the reaction videos are the same - decrying Harley taking over the BOP and the other half saying 'well her name's in the title, it's just marketing!'
However... the feedback that came from the teaser trailer was 'why is it just Harley Quinn, where are the actual Birds and their costumes?' So, given the time that's passed, why was this not rectified?
What I'm really concerned about (apart from the Birds apparently not getting to do anything in their own movie) is that this Harley - from what we can see in the trailer - does seem more like the real Harley Quinn.. but then again the trailers for Suicide Squad looked great and look what we got out of that.
Also, the lack of characterisation in this universe means that we probably won't get to see the ultimate breakdown of the Harley/Joker relationship. How did they go from lovesick puppies to nothing in this movie? Again, Youtube comments go on about the tumultuous track record from the comics... BUT THIS ISN'T THE COMICS. We shouldn't have to be prior fans of these characters or have to have read their entire comic run to understand what's happening in the movie. A casual viewer should be able to know what's going on and why. This is exactly what the New52 did - started fresh but not really so you still had to have known what happened before, which defeats the point of rebooting the universe.
Then, the other part of this issue is that we're expected to go from Suicide Squad Harley - the one who apparently revels in the thought of someone killing their partner and kids and steals like, handbags and stuff to be this new person that is sympathetic to kids in danger and someone that everyone else is supposed to fear? Plus they seem to have neatly wrapped up her Suicide Squad arc for some reason? Though I'm sure Waller is glad to be rid of her TBH.
Maybe the movie will be alright, but as a long time fan of Birds of Prey, I'm not going to pretend that it's okay to finally bring these loved characters to the big screen... and have their movie taken over by a heartbroken wanna-be teenager who does all the stunts, wears all the costumes, does all the dialogue and voice over and has the back story while the namesake characters do nothing apart from show up in a brief panning shot or quick flash.
The costuming is also quite shite - Harley is one messy problem all by herself but Black Canary and Huntress.. gone from kick ass and memorable to bland. Montoya doesn't seem to be well represented at all and I would rather have seen her in a joint venture with Huntress or with Batwoman.
Then there's what passes for Cassandra Cain.... YIKES. Gone is the ultimate ninja warrior with communication issues and complicated backstory who rises from a dark assassin background to stand beside the Bat family.... but it's cool.... we have some random little girl who goes around saying 'heeeeeyyyyy you're dat syko chik....huuuuhhh?'
All the racial diversity in this film and it's appears to be going the same way as Suicide Squad where they're all just token characters. Heck, you could probably have a stunt double switch races and people probably wouldn't even notice because there isn't a character there to begin with.
Oh, and the other comments I noticed were people saying that this Harley should have been in the standalone Joker movie, as if that made any sense whatsoever. Like, ugh, can you imagine trying to portray this dark, twisted tale of an elseworlds type Joker and then this random tart just shows up and tries to be funny in it? Goodbye Oscar!
\
Kinda wish I hadn't.
Well... this will be an ultimate breakdown, and believe me, when you screen cap this stuff you realise how much time is spent yet again on Harley as opposed to the rest of the motley crew.
Also how much everyone slags the Birds of Prey TV show when this looks to be in the same vein.
Hardly Quinn walks down a neon street asking someone if they know what a harlequin is.
She goes on to explain in a weird, drunken voice that 'a harlequin's role is to serve, they're nothing without a master.' Actually, harlequins were more like advisers to royalty and were the only ones who could basically tell the king he was a frickin' gobshite without losing their head over it.
Cut to Huntress in a old looking church for like a split second.
Back to Hardly Quinn in a bar after she got drunk and fell into a pile of sequins and diamontes.
She's talking to the race swapped Black Canary... who is apparently a smoker? Um, lady - your lungs? The ones you need to screm? Alright, good luck scremin' loud with laryngitis.
 |
| "Gurl, don't even try to talk to me, you a mess." |
Hardly tells Canary; 'No one gives two shits who we are beyond that.' Ah, this is some meta reference that no-one cares who the Birds are because Hardly is taking all their screen time.
WB/DC logos in that miserable half pink half blue dye job that would otherwise get you dropped from beauty school.
Hardly cuts her pigtails... slightly? I guess this is character development in her mind.
 |
| "Sometimes I cut myself.. but I'm not splitting hairs over it." |
'The Joker and I... broke up.' Cut to a terrible drawing of the Joker as seen in his original comic form being stabbed and slashed. Ironic that his image is damaged, yet his tattoo is mysteriously absent. Hmm.
 |
| "Screw you for leaving me out of your great movie, Pheonix!" |
Hardly throws more knives at it and it turns out she's a pretty bad shot.
Cut to Gotham apparently half on fire and what could be Montoya sashaying towards the flames.
Only a split second mind. Who cares what new catastrophe has befallen Gotham now because HARDLY HAS BOYFRIEND TWUBBLES!
'Need a new start but as it turns out I wasn't the only gal in Gotham looking for emancipation.'
 |
| **Black Canary intensifies** |
This voice over comes over a really emo looking Canary gripping a mic like it's a prize winning hand job, then she is apparently singing and causing martini's to wobble...or.... shake, even?
 |
| "No, Mr Bond. I expect you to shake!" |
That's actually a terrible premise for a regular act, I mean, booze is a bar's bread and butter. Don't mess with that or you're out on your keister, no matter how good you sing.
Montoya struts through the station carrying the universal cardboard box that screams of 'you just got fired' while other cops all clap, but don't look at her?
Huntress holds a bow caster while wearing an uncomfortably heavy looking and bug like helmet. Also baring her abdomen while riding a motorbike. Um, yeah.... not the best idea.
 |
| Cleanest alley in all of Gotham, right here! |
Hardly pulls a really weird face while wearing her trash bag confetti outfit. Huntress seems to be behind her from the previous shot. Hardly looks like she's about to box someone but in the sad Youtuber-style of it.
Black Mask sans Mask walks up to three dangling chumps in a warehouse. 'Spectacular news!' he declares, which manages to garner more enthusiasm and cheer in those two words than I've ever seen him show in the comics.
Back to Maskless Black Mask who does the throat slicey hand gesture before one of his goons approaches an upside down girl with a knife. Goon has cut marks on hand - possibly Zsasz.
Hardly runs through a market - realising that she needs to go home and get more money to then buy every single item so she can cut it up and wear it all at once.
'Ms. Quinn, she belongs to me.' Buddy - you can keep her! Black Mask talks to some bleached blonde idiot.
Hardly eats licorice with her hyena in an attempt to upstage the 'live action' Lady and the Tramp.
Hardly stands in front of Cassandra in a warehouse, dripping wet and looking like someone asked her what her motivation is before saying 'who are you guys?' to some random bikers. They shoot at her, and the girls run away awkwardly. |
| Is this Montoya? Her bystanders don't seem as shocked as she is. |
Some lady looks horrified with a gun - is this Montoya? Huntress kicks a mafia table during dinner because they didn't invite her. Black Mask looks out of the window from Daredevil's apartment.
Hardly is captured and tied to a chair in that same stupid club with the weird hand eyes and a bunch of goons pull guns on her. 'Here's the deal Quinn.' Black Mask has an emotional breakdown in his bedroom because he regrets painting his walls so artistically.
Hardly grins at the camera - not sure if she's meant to have blood in her mouth or if it's just her usual sloppy make-up. She looks drunker than she did at the start of the trailer, and it's 51 seconds in.
Someone sighs, someone else yells 'You need me!'
Hardly lets her head fall forward and when she looks up she's ripping off Marilyn Monroe because of course she is. Heaven forbid anyone have an original idea in Hollywood. Now we're gonna have tweenage girls calling this look iconic and not even realising where it came from initially.
She does some stupid dance number full of jazz hands. That hideous tattoo on her chest is still there.
'hees awfta awl hof uhs neow' drawls Hardly, while we see her wearing a rip off of Freddie Mercury's jester leotard, holding a mallet while Black Canary does her best to contain her mini-bra in her flimsy shirt. Hardly raises her mallet while Cassandra bears her gang colours and two other people are also there.
Upside down POV looking at possible Zsasz. Hardly flops over a couch with a comically huge dart in her neck.'None of us are walkin' outta here...' says the voice-over while the gaggle of idiots... actually walk out of either a well lit sewer or a tunnel of love. Not the most well thought out edit ever.
Hardly LEADS the gang while everyone else just follows the headliner act, afraid she might cut them from the film if she feels threatened.
A split second after this frame, something hits the roof and they all scream and prepare to fight. Honestly can't tell if Black Canary is a squealer or if she's about to Sindel their foes.
Motorbike ride. Car ride.
 |
| 'Hey, I belong here, right?.... Guys?' |
'....unless we work together.' Hardly begging for friends, knowing she can't do a solo movie without anyone else for her to outshine/sideline. Also, is she supposed to be in the clock tower. Ugh.
 |
| Gentlemen prefer original movies |
More Monroe-knock off scene followed by Harley holding onto the back of a car and being pulled along her roller skates.
Huntress looks like she's seriously re-thinking her contract, Montoya is hilariously short, possibly scanning the floor for a box to stand on and Canary appears to be resigned to being the half naked POC of the film.
 |
| 'Just gotta buy something in a huge box, then I can hide this little person altogether!' |
'With you?'
Hardly and Cassandra... well... Cassandra is there but hidden in the background - run through the aisle of a supermarket laughing.
 |
| '....a lifetime supply of Hot Topic merchandise!' |
Hardly stand before the four other bit parters and gestures like a game show girl.
'You gotta be kidding me.' Hey, that's what I thought too when I saw Hardly had stolen Ace Ventura's pants!
Flash back to girls, flash back to Hardly jumping in her Ventura knock-offs before landing on some idiot's leg. Not sure if the three girls in the booth behind her are the bit parters or not.
Close up on idiot screaming in pain.
Looking down through a skylight - Hardly leading the girls into an old Joker hide-out?
'Isn't this fun? It's just like a sleepover. OH! We should order pizza. Make Cosmos.' Hardly prattles before Canary politely tells her to shut her face.
Hardly presses a bell before the camera pans out to her best attempt at a disguise then she shoots what looks like a cop?
Slow motion on Hardly pulling a bizarre, exaggerated sad face and waving her fingers around.
She then pushes open a door and marches in - possibly at the police station still? - and says 'I'm the one they should be scared of!'
She might be taking to her co-workers her, this may not actually be in the script.
She yells BOO then headbutts the camera. She hides under a flimsy ass table while her house explodes. More Monroe background dancers. 'Not you!'Someone in a hotel gets shot and/or shot at?
'Not Mister J'
Hardly punches a pillow, then break dance fights in a massive puddle. Then she humps a pole because of course she does. She laughs in a car. 'Because I'm Harley frickin' Quinn!'
She looks happily at the hyena. She points a gun at someone. She does a break dance move while apparently wearing the same style hot pants from Suicide Squad. Well, they said this movie was very low budget. She slides down a candy striped slide. She appears 
in someone's rear mirror, like that other horror movie. Canary sings while Black Mask - still no mask, walks in front rudely.
She dodges a bullet shot at the rear windscreen. Black Mask turns around in front of Canary
singing and says 'Whoo! Who's having a good time?' 
Hardly jumps onto the back of a moving vehicle, Huntress possibly riding alongside?'Get ready, ladies' She kicks a goon off the open back car. Have always said they're a bad idea.
Canary spin kicks someone then 
looks at them falling. Hardly jump kicks someone. Huntress wrecks up some idiot's farm.
Hardly then spends the next few seconds of the trailer walking away from an exploding Ace Chemicals while the names of people who may or may not appear in the movie flick up.
Roll title card and it's stupidly long subtitle.
Cassandra says 'Ohh, you're that psycho chick.' Hardly is driving and says 'You never call a woman chick. I'll accept broad, lady, woman and on occasion, bitch!'
Cassandra at first appears to be concerned about the car following them, but then focuses on this speech and repeats 'Bitch?' like Hardly's saying something unique and amazing. 'What are you talking about?'
Uh... it's pretty clear you chowderhead. It's probably the only thing I can agree with Hardly on.
Hardly lights an ACME dynamite stick and gives it to Cassandra. 'Toss that for me, will ya?'
She does and blows the trailing car up.
The Short End of the Jester Schtick
AAaaaaaaaand that's about it. It's two minutes long, and again all we see is Harley. You know, it's one thing to do an elseworld's kind of thing and put these characters in a different setting (otherwise Cassandra Cain being mentioned by name is completely ridiculous, Oracle I can understand because of the whole New52ish direction these movies try to take, but still.... BATGIRL IS MISSING.)
The whole team movie again has not worked well for DC and here they are again with their expanded but not fleshed out universe.
If they really wanted a Harley Quinn vehicle - why include the Birds of Prey? Why not just have new characters that Harley can interact with (and over act around, natch)
All the comments on the trailer and the reaction videos are the same - decrying Harley taking over the BOP and the other half saying 'well her name's in the title, it's just marketing!'
However... the feedback that came from the teaser trailer was 'why is it just Harley Quinn, where are the actual Birds and their costumes?' So, given the time that's passed, why was this not rectified?
What I'm really concerned about (apart from the Birds apparently not getting to do anything in their own movie) is that this Harley - from what we can see in the trailer - does seem more like the real Harley Quinn.. but then again the trailers for Suicide Squad looked great and look what we got out of that.
Also, the lack of characterisation in this universe means that we probably won't get to see the ultimate breakdown of the Harley/Joker relationship. How did they go from lovesick puppies to nothing in this movie? Again, Youtube comments go on about the tumultuous track record from the comics... BUT THIS ISN'T THE COMICS. We shouldn't have to be prior fans of these characters or have to have read their entire comic run to understand what's happening in the movie. A casual viewer should be able to know what's going on and why. This is exactly what the New52 did - started fresh but not really so you still had to have known what happened before, which defeats the point of rebooting the universe.
Then, the other part of this issue is that we're expected to go from Suicide Squad Harley - the one who apparently revels in the thought of someone killing their partner and kids and steals like, handbags and stuff to be this new person that is sympathetic to kids in danger and someone that everyone else is supposed to fear? Plus they seem to have neatly wrapped up her Suicide Squad arc for some reason? Though I'm sure Waller is glad to be rid of her TBH.
Maybe the movie will be alright, but as a long time fan of Birds of Prey, I'm not going to pretend that it's okay to finally bring these loved characters to the big screen... and have their movie taken over by a heartbroken wanna-be teenager who does all the stunts, wears all the costumes, does all the dialogue and voice over and has the back story while the namesake characters do nothing apart from show up in a brief panning shot or quick flash.
The costuming is also quite shite - Harley is one messy problem all by herself but Black Canary and Huntress.. gone from kick ass and memorable to bland. Montoya doesn't seem to be well represented at all and I would rather have seen her in a joint venture with Huntress or with Batwoman.
Then there's what passes for Cassandra Cain.... YIKES. Gone is the ultimate ninja warrior with communication issues and complicated backstory who rises from a dark assassin background to stand beside the Bat family.... but it's cool.... we have some random little girl who goes around saying 'heeeeeyyyyy you're dat syko chik....huuuuhhh?'
All the racial diversity in this film and it's appears to be going the same way as Suicide Squad where they're all just token characters. Heck, you could probably have a stunt double switch races and people probably wouldn't even notice because there isn't a character there to begin with.
Oh, and the other comments I noticed were people saying that this Harley should have been in the standalone Joker movie, as if that made any sense whatsoever. Like, ugh, can you imagine trying to portray this dark, twisted tale of an elseworlds type Joker and then this random tart just shows up and tries to be funny in it? Goodbye Oscar!
\
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