Suicide Squad New52 #12

Now here I have another issue where I previously reviewed it on my other blog, so again I'll copy the parts over where I thought I was absolutely hilarious or on the mark in highlighted areas and then I'll add revisions from my today-self in the normal script.

Oct 2012

THE TRAITOR UNMASKED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHO IT IS!

Yes, well, we’ll see. Imitation Waller looks surprised, but that’s probably because a) her cleavage isn’t showing and b) she’s just seen how much screen time she’s getting this issue.

If you bothered to read the last issue you would know that the Suicide Squad landed in a poorly written episode of Scooby Doo and now cannibals are going to eat them for some reason.

Honestly, they wouldn’t be my first choice. I’m sure pickings are slim in the ancient-Mayan comic world but I would like to credit these guys some brains. Would you eat a shark man, a pasty wannabe clown, a dude who likens himself to a spider (eww) or the other guy who’s like, on fire half of the time? Then again, shark is a delicacy and they can save on the costs because the other guy’s a BBQ, mate!

Ermhagawd, despite being upside down we can totally see on top of this stone pillar while we have a thrilling debate on whether or not King Shark has le secret powers.

I had a secret power once. Telepathy. Oh, sure, some sceptics say I just stapled a note to my forehead but when people looked at me – they knew that it wasn’t safe to go back in the water.
I became a hero! Well, I would have been.. except I don’t live near the beach so the folks in range of my powers didn’t need rescuing. But, like all psychic powers – it’s the thought that counts. Ha!

Pew! Pew! Like, Waller to the rescue! No, wait! It’s Basilisk! No, wait! It’s the man with the scarf that has a life of it’s own – Captain Boomerang!

Well damn, this review is perfect so far - I won't have to change a thing! 

Hmm. On second thought, I'd prefer to rant and rave so maybe I will. 

The front cover of this comic always made me think it was Waller staring into a bloody abyss. I know it's someone pulling a mask off, but a bit stylised so it kinda makes me think of the whole rockabilly/punk bouffant hair thing that someone's just tugging off their head. 

Nothing wrong with that, and it's rude for Waller to be so shocked about it let alone pointing a gun at this poor trendsetter. 

Okay then, now that's out of the way let's backtrack. 

The thing that bugged me most about this comic was Deadshot...... again. 

His tone is just... whiny Valley boy and it's like someone poorly scripted some really bad exposition into this comic. I get that they're in a weird place.. but when you have your character point it out like this it just seems like it .. really, really exacerbates the situation because it takes you right out of the story.  Then you sit there with a comic in your hands, evaluating your life choices and thinking what the hell am I reading?

Then Deadshot gets right pissed that people are talking about King Shark and not him. So, this is two issues in a row where Deadshot has asked Harley something along the lines of 'who cares' in relation to King Shark and his overall well being. Well Deadshot, people LIKE King Shark because he's not a whiny little jerk. 

The Squad then thinks that Waller has found them but then they assume it's Basilisk and then it turns out to be Captain Boomerang. The big give away that it wasn't Waller would be that Waller herself wasn't standing over them telling them how much they all suck stinky donkey balls. 

There's some scenes of the last Mayans alive being killed horrifically (historians and other academics weep openly) and the artist showcasing how much Harley's redesign sucks page to page. 

I mean, these two panels are on the same page and she's already lost her teary drizzle, and her eye thingies have changed colour a bit. That's not even going into how stupid her ruffle collar looks from a certain angle either!

Anyway, back to our story (ha) the ugly characters are chucked in an electrified paddy wagon (gotta get me one of those) while Harley (who is not her usual pretty self but still the prettiest thing we’ve got to work with, apart from the scarf) rides up front with Boomie on his quad bike. Turns out he’s not really with Basilisk. Which is a relief, because, you know, I was so, so worried.

Actually, I forgot where they left him but it’s the same thing, really. Deep down.

Somehow the other uglies are off the electro-cart before Harley, Boomie and Tin Can Man though. There are super imposed Basilisk people worshipping some ugly dude named Regulus who looks like Loki from Avengers, but with a Ra's al Ghul twang of paedophile face.

Who also questions himself in the third person. 

There's a few more pages here with Regulus giving the squad a personalised tour of his Salada Crackers concentration camp but to be honest, I glazed over trying to read  them because it reads very disjointedly and it's kinda boring. 

Her guantlets do that colour change thing again. 

They each get their own personal beat down from him, Black Spider figures out he's using hypnosis. King Shark wants to know what kind of doctor Iceberg is but Regulus cuts him off in favour of walking on Deadshot's freshly healed face. Regulus orders them to be taken to their cosy concentration cottages. Will we ever hear about Iceberg's tragic backstory?!

More pain for Deadshot, and some weird dialogue about smelling like a sheila?
Excuuse me? Is that a vagina joke? A vagina joke wrapped in terrible Aussie-ness? Or do Boomerang and Deadshot have a thing against the womens? I think they do! Boomerang even tells the Tin Man to buy him a bottle of the cheap stuff later! Cheap stuff? I assume he means deodorant but now it could be anything! Liquor, lube, cologne for their first man-date.... Gah!

That’s a match in shipping hell! Excuse me while I go gouge out my eyes.


Basically... despite the fact that they are literally a sneaky squad of sunsabeetches and Deadshot has usually been given his own side agendas that the other members don't know about.. like using Voltaic as a patsy for the stadium incident, 'giving' Captain Boomerang to the Basilisks... 

Then there's the ever present fact that he always bemoans.. and that is that Waller doesn't tell him everything. 

Here he just assumes Captain Boomerang is playing it straight and Deadshot is all cut up about it, calling him a fake, a phony, and calling him out on not returning his calls the morning after.
Awww, Deadshot thinks Waller only 'trusts' him? Oh no, honey. No, you the whipping boy. 

Preach, Boomerang. 

Harley vanished during the fight scene. Even the other uglies are helpful enough to stand in a corner so that Black Spider can blow them release their bonds.
Of course, King Shark might just be peeing in the corner, I don't know.

Totally blowing. 

There she is – running down the hall like a lunatic with bad athletics. You go, girl! Keep this up and they’ll forget you even had a history in obligatory female criminal gymnastics!

Erhmagawd, Black Spider is totally the traitor! Are we sure this time? Who cares? Let’s get this stupid arc over with already! 

Harley turns around for no reason, fades into the background literally and then has an over dramatic reaction to whatever the funk Deadshot is doing now. 

Was that the Hokey Pokey?

Or the 'conveniently not brainwashed main stars' slide?

Now they’re back to back and against the world. *Inspirational action movie music* Man, I wish my legs were the EXACT SAME SIZE FROM THIGH TO ANKLE. 

What the fuzz is going on with Harley? *Flippant remark about the Joker face incident* *Canned laughter* *Cut scene*

Oh, here’s Amanda Waller.
She’s gone to visit her grandma. What big guns you have..

Why is there a tree in front of the garage? Why is the car not parked on the driveway? Why is grandma’s house surrounded by a force field?

Wait, is that the REAL Amanda Waller in the chair! Holy Heck! Also I don’t remember what the whole side story with the Waller actually having a life is, but man, if a covert ops person can’t look directly ahead of them when trying to find someone.. well it’s no wonder this comic is the way it is.

The Short End of the Jester Schtick

All in all this isn't actually a bad issue. It is still a big bug a bear with me how the artist just gives no funks about continuity. It's especially apparent in scenes like this where we lose Harley, then El Diablo gets completely replaced with Iceberg. Black Spider might be up in the air doing ninja stuff but who knows? More than likely we've lost him too.

There was the whole scene with Regulus twisting Harley's arm and all of her team mates are literally teleporting around the page. If you can't draw an ensemble comic.. just get someone else in and you can draw filler. 

Right, now as questionable as some of the things coming out of Boomerang's mouth are, I did enjoy having him back. He's a staple of Suicide Squad and his frenemy relationship with Deadshot is a lot better than the one they've tried to force with Harley Quinn.

Same as before though... if you don't know what an Australian is.. please don't just write bullshit jibberish and assume it'll be fine.

Wotta Comedian!

Harley: You know what this means?

Iceberg: What, Harley?

Harley: The U.S. Embassy is right, Iceberg... Mexico IS a dangerous place for Americans!

Captain Boomerang: But tempus fugit (time flies). These pooch screwers are sitting around waiting for me to kick their arse. The most powerful of his crew are with him right now chanting some new-age crap.