Harley and Ivy meet Betty and Veronica #6

Okay - I'll come clean. I totally forgot about this issue. This comic isn't terrible, per se (it's just got questionable perspective and the Freaky Friday thing is a bit over done) but it doesn't make much of an impression either.

So... here we are.

Now I do like the first cover with Ivy and Betty.. Veronica is a bit hit and miss but oh Harley. We get it. You like baseball bats and ridiculous jackets you can't wear properly.
Plus.. 'Riverdale Sucks' ?

Uh, yeah.. creative. You had a massive splash panel - pride of place, even - on the cover and youuuu wasted it with your petty crimes and cheap eye make-up. You could have at least sprayed a pun on the wall! The second cover is a bit.. interesting.

Everyone is so pointy, skinny and angular with weird feet and elbows that it took me a while to realise that the strange thing is supposed to be what they're DOING, not what they look like. I just can't see Ivy going ahead with another stupid, reckless idea like Harley trying to fly with bat arm decorations, and looking so calm at that too.


Now for those playing at home - the big question is... what's the best way to incapacitate these four women? Is it...





A) Loosely tying them back to back with a cell phone in one of their pockets?

B) Loosely tying one's arms behind her back and hoisting her up above the others in a huge pipe so she can wriggle free and wash off the de-powering defoliant in the convenient lake beneath her?

C) Vaguely and probably loosely tying one to some port-a-potties with a chainsaw within reach of herself and the two numbskulls tied back to back.. and within kicking distance of the idiot in the pipeline?

Or.......... D) All of the above?

Yeah - players at home, if you picked D) - you're right! You also kinda cheated because the pictures were there.. but seeing as how D) is also the wrong answer, we'll let this one even itself out.

Good gravy, did these bad guys go to the Scooby Doo School of Dodgy Villains or what?



So here we are in this week's Scooby Doo Wannabe Parade. The writers try to iron out any plot holes in having Veronica ask why they aren't calling for help when all their friend's are a few steps away. Ivy replies 'Because if we cause a stampede, we all go boom!' which I can't help thinking was a line written for Harley. Besides, surely the girls would have enough sense to call for Archie or someone vaguely useful who would have the sense NOT to panic the crowd. Then again, we've seen so little of Archie I may have misjudged his character entirely. Is he even in this comic?

Anyway, Ivy is shown to have no wiggle room in this pipe at the end of last issue and the beginning of this one, but when she gets a close up, suddenly she's got room for a human centipede party. Harley kicks the ridiculously convenient chainsaw at Ivy's pipe and Ivy comically - well, I think it's meant to be hilarious but I don't think we needed a whole page dedicated to how many rocks Ivy hit on the way down in the pipe she is clearly jammed shoulder to shoulder in.

After the defoliant is washed of, Ivy gets her powers back and is able to create a giant tree that conveniently cuts all ropes and vanishes all port-a-potties away. Archie and Jughead then appear to find out what the noise was, but I'm not sure they ever really find out because they keep facing away from what they're looking at but what do I know. I'm still trying to figure out why our starlet quartet are holding hands (except for Betty. Betty prefers to grab Veronica by the pussy. Make Riverdale Great again!)

Speaking of speaking of, where're this "Uh, boss?" speech bubble coming from? The speaker is BEHIND Larry the Lamprey who is MILES behind the scene. That's not how you comic! The henchman should have had a rectangular text box above Archie... ah, ferget it.






Let's move onto the next scene and it's..

Wow. That's... that's not good.

I get the girls teleporting, we spent too much time with Ivy and her shenanigans to deal with a few steps being drawn but why is the crowd saying "Let's get 'em!" while running the opposite way?

Why does everyone look like they've forgotten how to stand up?

Why are Betty and Ivy standing so gung ho, like they're making a stand?
Also I think Sweetwater Swamp is missing.... I'm sure that'll be addressed with clear and concise wording and art.

Orrrrr we could just get this random collection of images. Does Ivy have reason to believe the bombs are hidden in plain sight and that's why she needs everyone off the floor? Or is she moving them all away to safety? Did she drug them with pheromones? Is Larry actually addressing the girls or doing a villain monologue? Where did Reggie even come from? Why is his hat so big? Why does Betty care about him now? I don't think his concussion can be reversed. What's the explanation behind the super Butlers? Did Alfred come this whole way just to show off his sweet wheels? Why does Reggie pass out alongside KFC man? I mean, obviously there's the whole untreated head trauma but it makes it seem like Alfred mentioning the Joker's name was what shocked him. And what's the Colonel's excuse? Also, Reggies hat has shrunk and I demand an explanation!


Surprise, I don't get one. Instead I get a glossed over explanation about how the SuperFlora just sensed where the bombs were and harnessed the Piranha Plants from Super Mario. Then there's just a montage of baseball nostalgia but with bombs. Then Larry whips out a shotgun but then teleports into a car to shoot the girls when they're... right there? Harley does some gymnastic stuff and then Ivy - being really OP right now just destroys their car.

Some vague indication of lights means the police are here, but if Harley hadn't pointed it out I wouldn't have know. she's literally pointing into a void that appears to be eating the indication that there are sirens involved.

Harley and Ivy teleport away but then feel like dicks so they come back but it's later revealed that Ivy made plant clones of them to go in their stead to the cop shop. And shit, they left some poor old lady stuck in the planty vine thing. What the heck?!

Anyway, there are a couple of pages left to wrap everything up so Colonel hands over custody of the swamp to the Riverdale Preservation Society.. who appear to have been absent until now. We get quick glimpses of the ditzy looking Josie and the Pussycats, Sabrina and her actual pussycat getting sassy and butlers getting crunk. Then we get to see Reggie being chased and threatened by Moose, kicked out of a possible safe haven and no one gives a ripe?

Oh but the safe haven is closed because it's vitally important that Harley and Jughead have a face stuffing competition. 

I don't know what this obsession with making Harley Quinn an absolute colon nightmare is all about while keeping her rail thin.

The Short End of the Jester Schtick

Well, if I can say one thing about Harley - why can no one make her dialogue palatable anymore?
I mean, we're finally free of the Palmiotti/Conner nightmare so she talks more like an actual human being but still.. if I had a penny for every time Harley used some plant based nickname like Horticulture Houdini or Beanstalk Baby.... Well, I'd be richer than I am but probably still annoyed.

The art here when done right is gorgeous - the cars for example are very well done and so are the scenes where we first see the gathering at the swamp. I'm still not a massive fan of the girl's faces.. especially the close ups with the weird eyelashes. My main issue with it is that it's not very clear at times and that's a massive shame because the artist has real potential.

Storywise it was basically Scooby Doo. Or maybe Archie. I don't know, I don't read Archie. I think this cross over was to help promote the Riverdale show but man I've heard that show is as whack as it is dark. Anyway, I would have hated this comic, and in particular the ending if it wasn't for Jughead.

Jughead - you marathon eating bastard, I hope you never change.

Wotta Comedian! 

Archie: --where'd you get a milkshake?
Jughead: Oh, I always carry a spare.

Reggie: Ow! My head! I wonder if the real Joker has days like this?
Alfred: Yes. Yes he does.

Veronica: Oooh! I feel so blue-collar!

Jughead: Don't forget his trusty sidekick.
Harley: An' yer superhero code name is....?
Jughead: I'm thinking... Burger King!
Harley: It's been done.
Jughead: What? Seriously?!