The first thing that drew my attention on this cover was the tiny top banner with classic Harley shoving current Harley. It's cute, and in character. I don't know how I didn't look at the main picture first because YE GADS what on Earth is that? Did the nineties comic scene throw up again? I mean, it's not that baaaad... I guess but it also... doesn't make sense?
Why is her arm a box? Is her hair made out of pom-poms? I was confused about her foot being a demented roller blade but then I realised that's meant to be her arm, not the box... her foot is that faux Japanese mask and cybergoth fluffies. So... what IS the box doing there? Is it part of her outfit, or is it the background? What's the other thing floating around her? Where are her eyeballs? Is this the revenge of Suicide Squad New52? Her pigtails trailing so long and being around all these mechanical parts makes me hella anxious too.
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Moving on with the comic itself - Harley is still reading her own comic book to escape the realities of her mom's hospital trip and-OH okay, inside is another picture from the cover and as it turns out, the star and box (diamond?) are SHOULDER PADS.
.....Eh, still more in true to her origins than what she has been seen wearing, even if she's got a reject Dazzler from the future/Jem and the Holo-hell no's/Ziggy Star-Don't feel to her.
Still weird though.
Side note, I don't know a thing about Year of the Villain so if everyone's gonna be in these extreme cosplayer gladiator outfits I - well, actually I'm in two minds about reading it.
Also not sure why they've done classic Harley here - I mean, apart from her speech being mangled to death I'm not complaining, she looks great. I'm guessing it's to separate comic Harley from real Harley or something, but the artist's style really makes cartoon style classic Harley pop!
Harley declines Lex's offer, to which he gets mad and says no one declines - but then that means it's not really an "offer", is it? She then spends the next few pages darting through alternate story lines - she visits Gotham but clothing has been outlawed by Bane. Apex Lex appears again with a new offer - he would murder the Joker and give Harley his head to display. Again, Harley declines.
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| ....And Harley took the joke right outta my mouth! |
By now, Harley's annoying family has arrived - the ones that nearly killed everyone in the Christmas special? Imagine going to see your mother on what could very well be her deathbed and spending your time with her either climbing the walls or poking around on her monitors. Barry - by all means a lazy jerk in his original form has slightly redeemed himself here by at least interacting with his family in some way. Harley's dad doesn't parent his unruly sons and displays something that could be emotion but I'm distracted because he looks like a sad, run down version of Colonel Sanders.
Our next comic based adventure is a spy version of Lois and Clark, I guess.. super seventies blaxploitation Harley shows up looking like she stole Beyonce's outfit from Austin Powers 3. There's a weird bit where she kisses Clark and Lois gets jealous and there's singing the praises of being closer to God the curlier your hair is.
I mean, is that a thing? My hair's naturally curly but so heavy the weight drags it down. Does that make me holy or no? My grandparents always joked that curly hair was from eating your bread crusts - something I debunked for myself when I didn't eat them until my late 20's.
ANYWHO Apex Lex again turns up and decides it's a good idea to tell Harley he browsed through her internet history and can now precisely target her innermost desires. Somethings make sense - pink camo Sailor Moon outfit, whatever a Luigi centaur is - I would also like one... but then he goes on about a pizza with no cheese or sauce, just beef on the left side?
That must be a comic Harley thing and not a real Harley thing because I don't have enough digits on me to count how many times Harley has either eaten or craved pizza dripping with a zillion toppings or some other greasy tidbit. She runs off, Clark gets shot and the damage to his secret agent outfit reveals his super suit for those who didn't get the Lois/Clark thing or the Justice League reference.
Harley next appears in a Scooby Doo parody featuring several other DC characters, most of them from Justice Leagues light or dark. I feel like everyone here is used really well, even if it's a one page gag but MAN was Zatanna's dialogue cringe. Not even for the fourth wall break or for insulting the reader, but I feel like there have been too many of these jokes at her backwards expense before to make this funny. You know, like when Superman references leaping things in a bound or comparing himself to birds or planes etc. It is funny to have Harley confuse this parody for one of the Hanna Barbera cross overs though.
Naturally, Apex Lex shows up to ruin this scene too so Harley screams hard enough to shatter the fourth wall and we see the hospital room again, which is disturbingly full.
I'm gonna go ahead and guess a few of these guests aren't hospital authorised - and that Harley and co are flaunting guest numbers and... health rules. The dialogue though - I mean, is Catwoman offering an in-universe fictional character alcohol that she's not even holding? Is Ivy sitting by silently while an under aged jerk hits on her? With a CUT rose? Barry doing the obligatory "I'm slightly out the main stream but whoa now, this is tooo weird for me" shtick. Is Coach really taking this time to bitch about the flowers someone got for the coma patient? And also thinks sunflowers are more expensive than roses??? Did someone seriously think Harley's mom would appreciate that they went and specifically got the rotting beaver carcass for her?
Also.. why did Ivy call her salty? Harley was reading the comic book aloud since before everyone got there, I'm sure everyone got clued in on what was happening when they arrived, Harley was using the reading time to calm herself down about her mother and people were just having their own non-related conversations over the top of her in a small hospital room. I'd be cranky too, more so if someone alleged to my "saltiness". Kinda like Ivy was gas lighting Harley for having emotions about this - I do not like it.
Meredith MacGuffin-Buck alone encourages Harley to keep reading because she's getting to the good part. Ah yes, some wholesome, non-self promoting work from the in universe author/artist there.
Well our next imagined scenario is a DC themed talk show where Apex Lex is a 'guest' and the topic turns to Harley being the only comic holding out on joining. I'm unclear as to whether it's Apex Lex that gets up from the couch and approaches the dummy Harley or if the dummy Harley is some sort of robot but whatever. Somehow there's teleportation involved somewhere.
Point is, Apex Lex should have realised the real Harley was in drag, dressed as one of the dudes who made this issue, even though it's already established that someone in Harley's 'real' life drew and wrote this issue so if they didn't want Lex to realise, well he's not going to and even if he could have suspected he would have needed to know what the creator looked like to...
.......What sort of Inception level bullshite is going on here?!
Harley takes out her pent up rage on Apex Lex in a glorious rampage of OTT cartoon violence. She only stops when he tells her he can save her mom. Real Harley stops, alone in her wakefulness and questioning reality before getting caught by the "to be continued" cop out. Although the drama continues as she gets one last visitor in her already overcrowded room.
The Short End of the Jester Shtick
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| Heh heh...'tridents'. Gold! |
Well honey, it ain't never stopped you till now! You enjoy walking that fine line between good guy and bad guy and all the advantages of either side. All your mom ever did was criticise your classic outfit, ignore your current fashion nightmares and constantly praise you no matter what you did wrong. So pull the other one Harley, just tell us you're sad because it's your mom and all that but don't try and tell us it's because she's some great moral compass.
Side note, I find having a room crammed full of people annoying, and not just because someone like Catwoman for example is happy sleeping on the floor, or J-DC hasn't got anything else better to do and Harley's family is full of jerks etc. Maybe this is the COVID19 situation talking but I recently gave birth and was only allowed one visitor besides my husband - and that was only for an hour. And I'm lucky! Some people haven't even been able to have their partner with them for the birth! I don't know, it just seems like another thing Harley gets to do because no one dares enforce hospital rules on her etc etc. Anyway, my money is on Harley either dreaming that Death does house calls or her Macguffin-Buck is a jerk and wrote a tragic ending.
Wotta Comedian!
Apex Lex: Gorilla City Technology, fuelled by yellow Lantern power, and a drop of Lobo's blood! Also, there's Wi-Fi.
Harley: ...Really? THIS is th' big universe-spannin' event? You goin' door to door hawkin' trinkets and toys?
Harley: "Year of the..." Ya know it's already August, right? There's only four months left--
Apex Lex: I said... ALL VILLAINS!
Barry: I thought Lex Luthor was like rich an' whatever. So why's he dressed like a tragic magician?
"Andi"/Lois: They've taken down every intelligence agency, every secret society and twelve K-pop supergroups!
"Andi"/Lois: Clark, don't say our secret agent names like they have quotes around them. It's so obvious!
"Chaz"/Clark: I don't say it like that, Lois. I mean, "Andi."
"Andi"/Lois: SEE?! You did it again!
"Chaz"/Clark: No, I didn't --
Harley/Agent Lacey Underthings: Aw nuts, c'mon! Can I pleeeease join yer story line? Mine got hijacked by anudder one a' dem cross over events. Ya know, th' ones everyone complains about but everyone still buys!
Sam "The Hammer" Humphries: Year of the Villain - blockbuster or bomb? It's been on the stands for all of five minutes, plenty of time for the internet to render a verdict!
Sam "The Hammer" Humphries: Lex, thanks for threatening our lives to get on the show.
Apex Lex: Thank you for caving to my demands, Hammer.
Death: If it's any consolation... ...you did everything you could. But no one can escape death, Harley... ....that only happens in comic books.
Fact Check
Looks like a flight from Florida to New York is about 2 hours and 30 minutes. A long time to be stuck in place on a small chair maybe but in the scheme of things, nothing bad enough to excuse Harley's shitty brothers from being douchebags and her father for not knocking them out or, y'know, parenting.
Learn Languages with Harley!
Chonies - From Mexican Spanish, "Chonis" comes this slang derivative from calzones which essentially means underpants. So Harley is really asking where is everyone's clothes AND underpants - which means either;
A) She doesn't believe underpants qualify as clothes
B) She wonders why if everyone took off their clothes, why they also got rid of their unders or
C) She is pointing out that a lot of the caped folks wear their underwear on the outside.
Whaddidya Call Me?!
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