Countdown 51-40

Now that we've been going back into the Detective Comics showing Harley hanging out with Holly at the Amazon shelters, it's high time we went back and had a look at Countdown. Countdown was another multi-comic event spanning 52 weeks but good luck finding a good synopsis for that amongst the hits you'll get for the New 52 comics.

Back in the day, I pretty much just collected the issues that Harley Quinn appeared in, comprehensive storyline be damned! I ended up buying the trades though because I thought the story was pretty cool and there were some interesting things going on, and for once the holy DC Trinity wasn't hogging all the spotlight. Which is kind of the point of the 52 Countdown... but anyway.

May 2007 - April 2008
AKA Countdown to Final Crisis

Synopsis:

The Great Disaster has occurred, and all hell breaks loose as all the story lines in COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS come to a climax, threatening Darkseid and Jimmy Olsen and Mary Marvel and the future of their Earth!

So we'll dip our toes in, running through the series but mostly looking at Harley Quinn's involvement because... well, it's a Harley Quinn blog you nitwit. Get with the program. I'll do a couple of issues per post. 

This one opens with Darkseid discussing depressing world views with Desaad and playing chess with  himself, figures of DC characters and apparently no rules. Fun analogy or sneaky advertising for merchandise? You decide! 

The first chess piece he moves is Duela Dent - AKA The Joker's Daughter. Her story was a big part of what I found interesting about this series and another reason why I was so disappointed with what the actual New 52 chose to do with her character. 

Here she is, appearing in 'flames' and honing in on her target, a young celebrity. After jumping out the window amidst explosions she tells Tracey to call her manager in order to fund Duela with some nonsequential greens or else she might just drop Tracey as they parachute over the city. 

Duela is cool, collected and slightly sassy. Jason Todd/Red Hood shoots a hole in her parachute and she has no hesitations about dropping Tracey to lighten the load but at least she does it politely. 

Naturally Jason stops her and saves Tracey. They get into a discussion about who belongs where in the grand scheme of things and how cool foreshadowing is, then Duela name drops some people before running off. 

Meanwhile we pop into the hospital where a powerless Mary Batson nee Marvel is leaving. She finds out Billy Batson has paid her medical costs and left her a note saying not to find him, which I guess is like a health care one night stand, so she's a little cut. 

Heatwave is regretting not installing a peep hole in his door but lets Trickster in anyway. He suspects the pretzels are booby trapped so he destroys them but it was in fact the beer. So now there's no beer and no pretzels. Not a good start to a party. Plus Heatwave's pants are ruined!

Suspicions between Flash villains and Flash former villains slash frenemies don't help either but the Pied Piper looks pretty wicked and he waits for the right time to make his entrance, knowing that he didn't want to be labelled the 'annoying first guest'. 

Jason follows Duela's screams to find her being attacked by some weird space guy who eventually shoots her and says he's doing it for the good of the universes. It's especially painful to read this now, given what DC does to her later on in their own universe but hey, the New 52 was painful all round. 

The whole 'Daddy's lil Monster' shirt would make more sense for this version

The killer speeds off into space and consults a wall full of other weird space dudes and gals asking for answers and he decides to hunt down Ray Palmer because of vague reasons provided by random (dead?) people. Great start to the week. 

Last Laugh 

Issue 50 begins with a dark alley and Jimmy Olsen breaking into a locked door courtesy of an orbiting Superman. 

For some reason he's decided to track down someone who enjoys hanging out in dank basements, fighting high-tech ninjas and long walks on the beach. Has Jimmy found his hetero-life mate? A kindred spirit? One that doesn't always chill out looking down at our planet for kicks... actually, that's a pretty nicely rendered planet with all the lights and stuff. Maybe Superman's onto something. 

Anyway, Jimmy is hunting Red Hood because.. well he explains later he's investigating Duela's murder but I thought he was a photographer? Maybe being a photographer for the Daily Planet pays diddly-squat and he's branching out into scooping up scoops when he can. 

But only when Superman's on Jimmy-sitting duty. 

Red Hood tells Jimmy to go and see the Joker to get answers on Duela's death which is weird because Joker's in Arkham Asylum. Not that that's ever stopped him from killing people before, but it wasn't in his style, she's not his daughter and who on earth thinks seeing the Joker for a straight answer is a) plausible and b) a good idea?

In other news, Mary Marvel is seeing Madame Xanadu to try to find a Freddie Freeman but all Xanadu wants to do is helpfully recap Mary's story thus far which ticks Mary off to no end and causes her to become snarky and resentful to Madam Xanadu's extremely vague fortune telling. 

She tells Mary to avoid Gotham City - which is good advice for just about anyone I think - and Mary tells Xanadu that she's been as clear as mud and thanks for nothing, witch. 

Batman meanwhile is fighting Karate Kid and has just lost his belt. Fortunately his bat pants stay up and Black Lightning appears in the Batcave of all places and helps Batman cheat to win. 

The Flash Rogue's party is going off. Trickster and Pied Piper don't sit down, perhaps not willing to get anywhere near the floozy covered in scabs that's clutching Heatwave. Weather Wizard looks like he's just up and OD'd while the two floozys near him look more like ominous assassins than hired booty calls. 

Mirror Master appears out of a mirror and sneakily snorts some of Heatwave's cocaine. Hey, if your only power is doing things with mirrors you might as well be able to get down like it's the eighties. 

Mirror Master explains that everyone's been invited to a gathering held by Inertia and Captain Cold but that he has trust issues with Piper and Trickster. 

He tells them to come along because if they don't, the Rogues will hunt them down and kill them. 

Jimmy makes his way to Arkham Asylum - did his blue friend give him a lift or what? Pretty fast. Anyway, look at this - it's something resembling security!

No one accompanies him to the Joker's cell. Is it that they trust Jimmy, or more that they really don't want to go near the Joker at all? 

I like these panels here because it shows Jokers range and how you never really know where you stand with him on his dance through manipulating the humans he comes into contact with. 

Jimmy starts off afraid looking, then sort of smirks about Joker's daughter being dead - seemingly thinking he has gained the upper hand even though as Joker reveals (after leading Jimmy on) that he really doesn't have a daughter. 

Jimmy is so dejected that he when he leaves he goes to call Lois straight away and fails to notice a massive, hulking Killer Croc busting out of his restraints and subduing the only guard assigned to him? Come on, they didn't even sedate him or secure his tail... what sort of shenanigans is Arkham pulling now?? 

Jimmy's escape gets a bit more embellished when this issue starts off with Jimmy talking to Lois already when Killer Croc then escapes and eats the solo guard he had while before Killer Croc was about to discover how many chomps it take to get to the centre of a Tootsie Olsen (hint: 1) before Jimmy had even dialled her number. 

Jimmy becomes some sort of elongated plastic man and somehow survives. He leaves the Asylum in one piece but both Killer Croc and Jimmy will be doing some long pondering about the effects of hallucinogenic drugs. 

The monitors then have a meeting about why the relatively small scale crook Duela was murdered in a way normally reserved for the heavy hitters. The offendee defends himself by saying she wasn't supposed to be there anyway. The next item on their agenda is why all these red bastards look the same and if that's technically racist/speciest. 

Well they've got their next targets sorted. 

Meanwhile on the JLA Satellite... which I always call the Watchtower.. when did that change? Technically, it's both I guess. Anyway, they've imprisoned Karate Kid/Trident and given him a change of clothes too. He's tight lipped about why he came back in time. 

Out at sea, Piper and Trickster try to prove they're loyal to the rogues by hypnotising a man into wiring his fortune into Mirror Master's account, then throwing himself overboard. Trickster then rigs the boat to explode once they leave it. 

Trickster notices that Piper used his flute to make the man swim back to shore, and when he 'transfers' the stolen funds to his own account, they actually go to a charity.. briefly. No transfer ever clears that fast into my bank, let me tell you. 

Trickster uses this to gain a little bit of leverage over Piper and more than a little bit in his own bank account. 

Mary arrives in Gotham and is immediately chased by thugs. Look man, this is but one reason Xanadu told you to keep out of Guano Town. She runs into an abandoned building. Luckily for her Black Adam (who is totally creeping around there) overhears a racist slur from the thugs and kills everyone. 

Black Adam refrains from brutally murdering Mary Marvel but it seems like he wants to. He clearly sees his powers as a curse but Mary is oblivious to all that, going on and on about how he's fine because he HAS powers. It's like if an extremely superficial teenage girl heard that a friend died while driving and putting make-up on at the same time. Black Adam's like "This is horrible! A nightmare even!" while Mary's all like "Yeah, but she looked pretty so that's all that matters!" 

As it turns out it was Perry who threw Jimmy a reporter bone and transported him to Gotham and he's now upset there's no story at all. Wow, slow news week in Metropolis, huh? Why don't you get him to write about how smoking cigars in a place of employment is illegal and so is drinking during working hours. Or, if you like doppelgangers so much you could have him interview the guy Peter Parker takes photos for because you're basically the same person. 

Anyway, Jimmy gets to try out some more random, short lived but useful super powers like enhanced speed for example when something weird happens in Metropolis. The weird thing is that news happened and Jimmy beat Lois to the scene. That and Perry was so concerned about the fire outside that he almost sets his own dingy office aflame after he spits out his cigar. 

More like Great Caeser's Toast, amiright?

Get your Sundollar Coffee while you're fleeing!

Jimmy alerts Superman because it's unlikely that Clark's super abilities would let him know that Metropolis was basically the scene for a post apocalyptic movie. 

Still on the subject of Duela's death - Donna Troy heads a funeral for her. Her fellow Teen Titans turn up for a quick cameo then immediately turn around and leave her standing there alone in grief. 

Titans Together! Yeah! .....No? No? Oh, okay then. 

Then Jason Todd rocks up and has a heart to heart with her about living on borrowed time, dying and being resurrected, not belonging in this timeline, Donna's mystery history and the power of foreshadowing in a comic book medium.

Karate Kid talks to some dude named Thom about how Thom basically stole his outfit from Donna Troy and that his funny turn was based on some Starro thing on his neck but he's cool now. Sounds like any bitten guy in a zombie movie but whatever. 

Back in Metropolis, Jimmy realises that one of the New Gods by the name of Lightray has fallen from the sky into a very painful looking pose. Superman then appears and he's all "Hey dudes, did I miss anything exciting? Why's it so grim around here? LOL!"

He tries to intercept a mysterious figure hanging around from where Lightray fell but fails so he does a U-turn and heads back to Jimmy. Jimmy is enveloped in a big ball of light but is totally fine. Superman resorts to YELLING IN CAPITALS ABOUT GODS DYING like this issue hasn't hammered this in as a plot point enough yet. 

In the background the monitors talk about how the Flashes basically fucked all the timelines up and ruined Harley Quinn for the rest of us. 

Everyone else is shocked, confused or at least intrigued but here's Superman smiling like a dork for no reason.

Not gonna lie - this cover is a love/hate thing. I love the composition, I like the colours and the expression of power. Her hair looks amazing. What I hate is that it brings all the attention to her chest - which is a a decent size when you compare it to her non-existent waist and if you try to look elsewhere all you can see is her tiny ass skirt which is just grazing her tiny ass... um, ass. 

Then I'm like, how old is Mary supposed to be again? Why is this comic making me feel like a dirty old man???

Ahhh that's better, there's some naked dude on the next page. Equality in ass, that's my motto!

Wait, that's Jimmy Frickin' Olsen hallucinating about joining the wall of weirdos! And he's not naked, he's wearing some skintight glowing suit! That's not exactly equality, but I am glad I didn't have to see Jimmy naked. 

Holly Robinson - Catwoman's former protege is seen on the lam.. you can tell because the first thing she does is don sunglasses, a trucker hat and a scarf. Then she hangs around newsstands. Making reactions. Wearing a cat shirt. 

How not to be incognito

Then she gets hit up by some pimp at a train station in broad daylight in the middle of Metropolis. Not sure if he's written in just to draw attention to the fact that she's down on her luck, has a whip sticking out of her luggage (again - see how NOT to be incognito) or to be kicked in the face. 

So, Holly snaps here and throws her phone down instead of calling someone. Maybe she has no impulse control and knows she'll give in to weakness if she keeps the phone but hell, couldn't she keep the phone and just destroy the SIM card? She only has five contacts (unless she found TWO unlucky people in this world called Karon) and she clearly can't afford to buy another phone!

Over in Gotham - yeah, still not sure why either of these Shazam characters are in Gotham but anyway - Black Adam has had it with both repeating himself and Little Miss Misses the Point.

"Desperate..empty. Alone. And with a freaking weird face!"

To get rid of her and solve his own conflict, he gives her his power which gives her a new costume and immediate understanding/coolness with situation until she reverts back to her first personality going 'wait, whaaaaaa?'. Black Adam is given a creepy ass line about how she's grown when presumably she's only aged a couple of seconds. Teth-Adam must subscribe - like a lot of young Emo kids - to the view that just dressing in black makes you seem more worldly and awesome, and not like some girl with a face that is just really... really unsettling and a black half-gimp suit. 

The Monitors hold a conference to argue about the "how many people they have to murder/"but is it really murder though" conflict. 

Spoiler alert - the guy on the right is totally gonna betray him. Or was it the guy behind that guy? Damn, these clone races are so hard to deal with. How does anyone even know who they're talking to???? Anyway, one of these guys is like "let's just kill everyone" and wins the crowd over entirely. 

The Rogues have their party which proves that if you pay strippers enough they won't care that you're a super villain at all. Trickster and Pied Piper have a little heart to heart about why they've gone back to crime after supposedly reforming. Trickster basically hates his desk job at the FBI - basically the opposite of what he is as a rogue and as he points out, their criminal exploits hardly ever succeed enough for them to be taken seriously as Rogues. Pied Piper is a little more hesitant to reveal his reason but it boils down to not having anyone left to hang around with during rough times. 

Their tentative friendship and euphemism dodging conversations are actually engaging, you want to know more about these bit part criminals as they navigate the weird world they live in. Ah, the days when DC comics actually had some character development. 

Then the comic blunders on into the next tie-in, AMAZONS ATTACK! which leaves us with some strangely expressionless warriors walking around with what looks like some kind of Minotaur, giant and also some sort of Godzilla-horse? I don't know what it is but hey I'm down for some of that destroying Washington D.C. instead of the usual boring terrorists or aliens.  

Did.. did someone literally just throw Ultraman past X-Box Guy?

Basically because Mary didn't listen to someone who can see the future, she gets tainted powers, starts one of the many horrible storms they get in Gotham, figures out why she was warned away from the city in the first place and then gets into a fight with a demon made from babies. 

I feel a bit better about Mary's age now I know she can quip about an eerie eighties song on the fly. 

She witnesses the demon incinerate the women who conjured it.. who I assume had miscarried because the demon is apparently a harvester of stillborn souls.. but miscarriage and stillborn aren't exactly interchangeable things.. Look, I know this is Gotham but damn this is lax even for them. How the eff did all these preggo ladies climb up to the roof without anyone noticing they were missing? ESPECIALLY if they've just miscarried OR suffered a stillborn child. Are these women acting on their own behalf or were they suckered into doing this somehow.. 

This issue is very limited on answers to anything, let alone explaining what this floating rock business is but we have had several flashbacks to Jimmy's weird powers or Mary and Black Adam's conversations.. weird. 

The Rogues have moved out into a more civilian establishment, and get into a very topical and well put argument about the relationship of power between customers and employees. 

Pied Piper is growing on me, you guys. Mirror Master gets rowdy and starts a brawl and the other Rogues start a bet over who would win. See, this is great and partly why I loved the Secret Six so much. These guys are shitty characters but they're written like actual people. Men who like to dick around with their mates while drinking. None of the over posed, expositioney drama you normally get. 

Plus they're hilarious!

Meanwhile Jimmy had a nice chat to Lois about his dreams and about Clark being on the front lines.. which is fine and all but damn has Lois the Unstoppable Reporter and 24/7 Business Woman mellowed or what? Usually it's her investigating or being on the front lines not the photographer... 

Anyway, he goes to Suicide Slum because that''s a place in Metropolis that you can hang out at even at an uncomfortable hour and the street number is 666. Man, I feel like with those details it should have been Jimmy walking into the messed up hospital seance. 

Oh cool it's some Superman villain called Sleez that I've never heard of but I'm sure he'll introduce himself even though Jimmy seems to know who he is. He references Happyland but I don't know about the shenanigans he got up to with Jimmy and Lois. Probably over-priced souvenirs and greasy take away food. Then the building falls down cryptically and Holly - outside for some reason - saves a homeless guy from certain death. Instead of moving out the way of the falling debris they instead hold their pose and talk about poop. 

Donna Troy assumes we've all defected over to the side that actually read Amazons Attack in it's entirety because she's tsk tsking Jason over him coming crawling back but the last time we saw him in this comic event was when they were both in the graveyard. He wants to continue the conversation they were having but Donna's like no way man, this is totally a war zone! and Jason's all like Are you sure, because you're just sitting near Lincoln's feet like it's lunchtime. 

Damn you, Big Brother reruns!

Conveniently, the Monitor watchdogs have already dispatched their anomaly fixer.. who takes Amazonian warrior powerhouse Donna out in one hit but takes several smacks to down Batman trained gymnast Jason... Um? I assume she hit Donna harder but why is the Forerunner playing with her prey? The Monitors just hyped her as the ultimate quick fix but damn, Duela got taken out with a gun in a few minutes. Wouldn't this World of Warcraft cosplayer attract more attention the way she takes time to slowly murder the "anomalies?" 

Dramatic? Yes. Well thought out? No. 

The Forerunner's upset that Donna and Jason don't prove much of a threat but this changes once Donna smacks her upside the head from behind. Considering Forerunner hit Donna from behind first, she couldn't complain anyway. Donna throws her ass like a skipping stone across some water and into another (formerly iconic) American landmark.. but it was for New Jersey so I'm sure people won't mind. Donna has cut her knuckles though and wonders what the Forerunner was made of.

I know the answer to that. Weird robes, hippie beads and elf ears, that's what little Forerunners are made of.

Meanwhile Jimmy is walking down the street monologuing some exposition. Oh no, wait, he's talking into a tape recorder.. so technically he's not monologuing or spouting exposition... but only barely.

At least people like me can find out more about who the hell Sleez was. Turns out he was a New God - insanely powerful aliens (think anyone from Apokolips or New Genesis like Darkseid, Big Barda, Granny Goodness and... Sleez... who presumably used his powers for sleazy acts. Or subtlety. One of those two.)

Jimmy forgets what he's saying is eventually going into the newspapers and talks about his crazy new found and short lived powers. The man Holly saved from death watches on as Jimmy mumbles to himself about finding out how to activate his power when Holly shows up again and tells him to risk death elsewhere.

The bad thing about coming back to comics after a few years is that today's popular culture and it's tendency to turn everything into memes has the power to either ruin or enhance some things.
So when I see this..all I can think of is not a powerful threat from across the stars playing with her food..I only hear and think of Awolnation's "Run"

Forerunner is not a human being, but IS capable of doing terrible things. 

So naturally there's a super beatdown (albeit with a cool song running through my head) and then Forerunner says... so.. yeah Forerunner.. okay, do you remember how she came in from nowhere and sucker punched both Donna and Jason from behind? Yeah, well, she says to Donna - who at that point was shooting at her with a gun - that weaker species always choose weapons that kill from a distance, there's no honour in that. But you know, sneak attacks - soooo honourable.

Forerunner starts bragging about how bad ass she is when the Monitor henceforth known as Bob appears and tells her to stop, but she don't wanna. Ahh, great. Now I've got Queen stuck in my head.
Bob basically tasers Forerunner physically and then tasers her feelings by telling her (that her people) should never have been bred as a race, the Monitors don't trust her and she's basically an attack dog who needs to know her place. Another Monitor even calls her a tool. Luckily she didn't hear that. I mean, ouch, man.

Back on the Justice League satellite, they've picked up another straggler from another tie in I never bothered to read - this time it's Dream Girl. They are still talking about how they don't know why they're here. Boy, change the record already.

The homeless guy tries to help Holly out - she's reluctant to accept charity but goes along with Athena... who suddenly appears in Suicide fucking Slum.
So, not sure why the old fella didn't mention this after the first time he met Holly but whatever. How did Athena keep her toga robes so clean during her walk though Metropolis' version of Gotham City??

Forerunner basically tears her hair.. thingy... out and runs off in shame while Bob kidnaps Donna and Jason. It's okay though, there's someone else creeping up on Forerunner - so her story is probably going to end in sunshine and daisies and... actually, this is DC. It's gonna get worse.

There's been more action happening between these issues because suddenly we're back with Mary Marvel and her teleporting somewhere. That's interesting enough, so I don't know why they chose to open with this really.. really... unfortunate upskirt shot.

As well as being kinda creepy, it also looks like she farted something extreme. Shazam, indeed!

Yeahh.... um. Anyway, her face looks decent in that last panel but boy were they experimenting with some crazy angles in this comic and never stopped to think if it was a good idea. So here she is with Billy - who has decided to crash in the Rock of Eternity (I don't read any Shazam titles so I don't even get what this is really) and make it his bachelor pad. I guess that's okay, seeing as how he's Captain Marvel and also Shazam and also the Rock of Eternity.

You might wanna watch the hand there buddy...

Captain Huge Perv Hands here..

Mary has some crazy, over dramatic flow of expressions in the space of a few panels. Is she really that shocked? Is she making up for being in a coma? Does she watch a lot of Youtube reaction videos? Or reality shows? Soaps? Who knows.

Anyway, she's got a lot to take in. Basically, Shazam died, Billy is currently Shazam, and Freddy is on a quest to become Shazam... basically, the only one who's not being Shazam'd is Mary.

She's pissed. There's enough sexism in DC without excluding Mary from complete Shazam-ness!

She wants to know where she fits into all of this and that's when Cap drops a huge bombshell... she's here for an intervention.











Another few panels of really... really... unfortunate perspectives. I get it, you want to be different, you wanna push the boundaries, test your skills, show more than the average, stock standard comic book dialogue poses..

But why.. I mean.. WHAT happened to their faces? Why is Mary's body so distorted? I don't even understand what they're doing. I mean, they keep moving around and reacting to things but it seems like a very complicated dance without much point.

Anyway, Cap Shazam/the dude formerly known as Billy/Rock Dude basically tells Mary that her fights are stupid and her outfit sucks. She's like screw you, Black Adam shared his powers because I asked him nicely! Shazam guy is shocked, shocked and appalled! About as much as I am that Black Adam did this without his knowledge, but he of the all seeing eye can tune in on Mary's fight with the messed up baby monster. I suppose, Black Adam doesn't wear mini skirts, so Shazam guy wasn't looking in his direction.

Mary defends herself by saying that she was alone, powerless and had been in a coma for like, ages. Shazam Guy's like - well, maybe you weren't meant to get your powers back and you should move on with your life? Like every movie punk that has to get money and goes for the dangerous heist instead of the stable, secure job - Mary says "nah" and runs off.

Meanwhile, someone else is having a bad case of the reaction faces.. it's Forerunner!

Cripes, this issue's had so many heart to hearts, I feel like I'm in an after-school special!

Anyway, Monarch, ooooh sorry, THE Monarch offers Forerunner a job after she fails to defeat him with her own projectile spikey things. But Forerunner, aren't projectiles for the weak?! Hypocrite.
THE Monarch explains how the Monitors are basically giant douche bags and have kept the Forerunners underfoot so they can control them, because they ultimately fear them.

Forerunner thinks he's lying at first, but then agrees to go with him pretty quickly. Then again, Mary and her Marvel buddies have basically hogged the whole issue so they ran out room I guess.

Next on the quickie list is Jimmy.

He's walking around provoking some generic thugs. I don't know if this is a really busy time or if all the cars are broken down but there's some lady in a bathrobe just standing in traffic. Is that shorthand for mental illness or just unclear art?

Basically he discovered his powers pop out when his life is in peril. Doesn't save him from being decked and almost losing his money but he does shoot out some thorny projectiles - did he borrow those from Forerunner? - and the thugs beat it instead of beating him. I'm actually pretty sure one of the thugs had an Illuminati necklace... but not sure if I can confirm it.

The art gets weirder... in one scene everyone's talking to each other but they're all looking up and waving their fists like they're cursing at Superman.... or that bird that keeps pooping on their cars.

Jimmy's secondary power is super pimp hand

There's another bit where Jimmy kicks the kneecap of Illuminati thug, who for some reason is much lower than him. Did Jimmy jump? Was the thug going to sit back down? What?

Jimmy wonders why he didn't ask Superman to be there for him just in case.. but then that would defeat the purpose wouldn't it? He'd just save you and you'd never get to check your powers out.

In the nicer part of town where it appears to be almost dawn, Holly has lost her jacket but found a friend in Athena. They walk back to the shelter she runs before Holly even thinks to ask what's going on. Damn, Mary really did take up all the time in this comic, didn't she?? Athena shows off her sweet bird taming skills and her hall of super posed women in togas and then we're off to the next part of the story.

Keystone City, that is. Trickster and Pied Piper are on the run because the Rogues killed the Flash. Well, A Flash. There were probably too many speedsters anyway, running rampant about the city. (Haha, see what I did there?) They're freaking out because they were there but they didn't actually have a hand in killing him. They decide to go deep underground to avoid the heat, but fail to realise they're being tailed. Probably because they're yelling loudly in an alley but hey.

Then we get to continue reading about the douchelord Monitors.

At least the majority of us have different faces!

As you might have guessed, this issue opens on the funeral for Bart - former Impulse, former Kid Flash and finally... former Flash.

I have to hand it to Dini - he's a great writer. This could be the first superhero funeral that hasn't made me roll my eyes. True, I'm familiar with Bart and his character development I've followed from his Impulse days so maybe I feel more for his character than I would another in his place.. but this isn't just sanctimonious grief from everyone else, you really get a sense of their pain from the loss of a genuinely likeable kid. The whole town is literally in a funk.

Speaking of funk, the two rogue.. um, rogues.. have taken it upon themselves to attend the funeral in the shiftiest disguises ever. They'd probably be fine, but they draw attention to themselves by using their villain names, being the kind of jerks who wear baseball caps/hoodies to funerals and running down the aisle. Speaking of, they run past Jay Garrick. Yeah, that guy. Are we supposed to believe that this Flash - who we just saw giving a speech about how he considered Bart to be like a son to him - is sitting so far back from the stage that he can notice the rogues running from the nosebleed section?
I'll chalk that one up to Palmiotti's partial writing credit. Ugh.

They also chose an excellent time to run - when Wonder Girl takes the podium and starts freestyling about how she'd kill the punks who killed Bart and then bathe in their intestinal juices.
That's the comic equivalent of "whoever smelt it, dealt it" with the dealer backing out of the room at high speed.

Deadshot and Multiplex make a cameo in taking down the rogue rogues in the carpark. A stadium filled with heroes and not one of them comes outside after several gunshots. Hmm.

Next, we see THE Monarch and Forerunner vacationing on The Bleed. I wouldn't name my space domain after something I do on the monthly... and if I did I'd sure as hell give it a more intimidating name. Forerunner is unimpressed, and unleashes her harshest zinger.

Meanwhile, Holly is enjoying the services that Athena is offering, which apparently include tiger striped marble columns and specially shaded green tea. Oh, and everyone's favourite reformed jester.

Aaaaand Holly ruins both her relaxing tea and the pristine spa waters at the same time. Let's hope no one drops her from a great height in this issue because I do NOT have much faith in her reflexes.

Bob is rushing Donna and Jason out of the funeral and they are not having it. Donna flies off carrying both lunk heads and satisfyingly whacks their skulls together. Jason wants to recruit other heroes to help but Bob says they only need to find Ray Palmer or else they're all bollocksed.
Jimmy decides to be serious about his own powers and step up to the plate.

I think THE Monarch shows Forerunner some other forerunner being assigned to kill the OTHER forerunners.. wow, that sounds weird. Anyway she vows revenge.. which I thought she was doing regardless?

The the Monitors blabber on about the shenanigans that happened when Sue Dibny was killed, when Wonder Woman snapped Maxwell Lord's neck after he killed Blue Beetle and mind shagged Superman, Batman making Brother Eye, Zatanna doing the mind wiping dance on more than just Dr. Light...like... exposition spouting marathons....

Coming in at number 42 and counting, looking like a coprophiliac's wet dream is Riddler and a really sissy looking Mary Marvel. She knows she can fly, right? Okay, just checking.
I wonder if Dini's conditions for writing this whole thing were just to be able to keep using his reformed versions of Harley and Riddler.

We open on a horrific flashback/dream of the Flash's fiery demise, questioning Trickster for letting the Rogues do this to him but then it turns out he was knocked out after being attacked by Deadshot and Multiplex. They arrest him for the death of Bart Allen, but not his murder. Interesting.

Also, Deadshot and his multiplyin' minions appear to have dressed these rogue Rogues in their action gear instead of the civilian outfits they were wearing. Well, that's just gosh darned sweet of them. One could argue that the Rogues dressed in layers but still... that still means Deadshot was taking off both of their clothes. Hmm.

Speaking of clothes... holy hell Mary Marvel, can you stop it with your extreme angles and overdone upskirts? This is getting ridiculous now. Poor Riddler. He's being accused of a crime by just being at the scene and threatened with violence by a grumpy emo girl, but possibly the worst thing he has to deal with tonight has just got to be that face.

Has she turned the tables and BECOME Pedo-Bear??

She descends upon Riddler ass first with this really weird smirk.. then takes him for a midnight flight. I sort of feel like any Bat presence should be felt. I mean, Mary doesn't even belong in Gotham she's from... actually I don't really know or care where she's from, but it's like if Green Arrow started doing all the heavy lifting in Metropolis and forgot about Star City for some reason. I know she was talking about finding her own way, but let's face it - even Batman isn't generally happy to see other Bats/newcomers in his domain. Not that he's ever really happy, but you know.

The emphasis of this issue seems to be "once a criminal always a criminal" and boy are they hammering it. We have the violent goth attacking Riddler because she hasn't kept up with her Gotham criminal lore. Holly judges Harley - even though Harley is reformed and has a job, while Holly hasn't had the shiniest history (depending which one you're reading, she's been a child prostitute, a murderer, a violent vigilante and a thieving criminal.) then there's the Rogues - who broke their own criminal code about not murdering Flashes and are looked down upon by other blatantly murdering criminals.

I get it, Holly's waiting for the rug to be pulled out from her, she doesn't believe anywhere is safe but still. She's still a judgey mc judgeface though.

Meanwhile, Bob, Donna and Jason end up at some random's house. I don't know these characters apart from Ryan Choi, but even then not very well. Anyway, ones's a creeper and one's really apathetic about everything. Ryan kindly takes our heroes out of the room in a very classy dance move.

Now cha-cha real smooth!

Now as it turns out Batman was totally creeping on Riddler and Mary - about to kill dey asses if it wasn't for Karate Kid somehow getting out of the space kindergarten and shyly asking to be Batman's sidekick. Batman shuts him down but we see his grin - he's like yeeeeaaaah Batman still got it!

Clayface appeared and basically absorbed both Riddler and Mary because Batman dropped the ball here. Luckily, Mary gets pissed enough to make a tantrum cyclone that appears to be composed entirely of uncomfortable poses and weirdly shaped breasts. Riddler offers some sage advice.

Now apparently Lois Lane no longer does ANYTHING at the Daily Planet but wander around and make comments about everyone else's hobbies. This is... so far out of character for her. Did.. did someone mind wipe HER as some sort of sordid plot twist? 

Pied Piper and Trickster are in a little jam here, but Trickster, true to his name has one more surprise left. Maybe that's why they stripped them down, to remove all of his booby traps. Ah but you failed to check his teeth, Deadshot, you fool!

Then Tricker and Pied Piper leap out the door of what they thought was the door to a van but turns out to be an aeroplane because of course it is. Tricker acknowledges their fate with an understated "oh."

The Monitor's school history lesson come around to Infinite Crisis and similar events and...

Oh yeah. I vaguely remember that giant wall thing with the randoms now. I guess the giant hands grabbing planets like a kid with pie sort of distracted me. I mean, imagine going about your daily life when some giant hand just reaches into your planet and decides whether you're a keeper or a goner.. and it's not even God, it's just some angry alternate Luthor. 

As much as I like this cover, I feel like it fits in well with today's expectation that if something dramatic happens that you should immediately take a selfie, stream it or vlog it. I mean, look at that direct eye contact! Guess it beats looking down in this case. 

Luckily (and unseen in the cover) Pied Piper was able to grab a nondescript bag which just happens to contain all of their confiscated items... like Piper's flute or Trickster's air compression floaty shoes. 

Anyway, they survive and land in Gotham Harbour.. which is like an oxymoron, isn't it?

Jimmy has made record time making his Action Man costume, which is doubly impressive with all the work he's putting in at Daily Planet. Honestly, Lois and Clark just sit there bitching about the broken aircon while the MVP is wearing his costume under his business suit in a heatwave. 

Plus there's not many other chairs at desks, so there's a lot less hands on deck. 

Meanwhile, Mary sits on a building and contemplates how hard the cement is. Oh, no, hang on. Life and having powers. That's what she's on about. She's worried about how she tore Clayface to bits. Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much. If he wanted to keep his form he shouldn't have attacked you. Plus, everyone else is doing it.

Oh, I do love me a good evil face though. So does some weird creep spying on her with a purple rock thing. It's getting so's a girls not safe anymore!

At least she wasn't in the tub or on the shitter.






Now when we left them last time, Donna, Jason and Bob were being Honey, I shrunk the heroes!'d by Ryan Choi in an attempt to enter the Palmerverse. Wait, is this part of the plot or are they trying to sneak into a nightclub? Whatever they're doing, aware that they could die horribly and looking like a Lego piece they butter the hell out of Ryan  to make sure he doesn't strand them in Tiny Town. Ryan is the every-man hero, he's so relateable. He's like "Aww shucks guys, you can just buy me some doughnuts. Wait, I'm selling myself short... make it a whole box. Yeah! Any calories I intake while small should STAY small! Genius!!"

Moving onto more important topics - they have to name Bob.

I've been calling him Bob for a while, but to be fair it suits him more than Monitor.

Now back to Harley and Holly in the..

Wait. I thought they were in the Metropolis branch. Did they move again without telling me? Does the Gotham City shelter look the same as the Metropolis one? Why does Holly talk about a train to Metropolis if they're in Metropolis? Didn't Harley say she was the assistant director?

Oh, and the President's plane was taken down by Amazon and Amazon affiliates.

The, uh, warriors.. not the online shopping thing.

Harley stomps outside to attack a rather sudden but well prepared mob and Holly takes this opportunity to call her every name for stupid under the sun. Yeah, taking on a mob single-handedly is kind of dumb but you know, I think it shows how devoted Harley is once she's attached to something - whether it's the Sirens, Joker or the Athenian Shelter of which she's an assistant director but also a member.







After all, we've seen her cut and run when it's not as important to her heart, like the Secret Six for example. Anyway - I went and skimmed through a few Amazon Attack issues to get my bearings.. it tells us that one shelter has been fire bombed already. Harley initially mentioned they had locations in Metropolis, Gotham, Keystone, New York at least, with plans for more.

Now we're over at the Fortress of Solitude with Karate Kid and his random team.. only he's not allowed to go through the portal back to his time. But he does get ONE friend, who used to be three friends, in exchange for the four or five he sent INTO the portal. Hey, that was a clever observation about Triplicate Girl, who is now going by Una. Boy, if her other selves weren't Dos and Tres I am going to be ticked off.

This must be like, their favourite TV show or something because it's the only thing these guys talk about around the water cooler.

Alrght, my last issue to run through then I'm done with this post. Damn, longest countdown ever!
Now, the title here is "Atomic Warfare!" but what they really meant to call it was "Atomic Planet of the Apes -pleasedontsueus."

They have an obligatory fight before Jason realises he's kind of the smart jerk around here so he threatens to shiv the leader unless they play nice.
Meanwhile the rogue Rogues find some scrap of sanctuary in Penguin's Iceberg Lounge. He puts them in the wine cellar which is dangerous because he could stand to lose a lot of wine either by  drunk Rogues or super villain fight - and also Oracle has eyes on the wine cellar.

She tells the Renee Montoya Question to nail the bastards which is confusing because at least two of these four characters are gay or bisexual but I assume she means "arrest their asses to the wall" not "do the pantless dance" with them. Look, you never know. I'm sure it gets lonely in the Clocktower and Oracle has cameras literally everywhere - I'm just sayin'.

This is where the multiple spin offs and side stories get annoying - because I don't know what happened to the Rogues that actually did the Flash killing. Are they already in jail? On the lam? Are these two just an easier, softer target? Like in some cop shows where they don't care if they got the wrong perp as long as it's an arrest in their books then it always backfires when the actual bad guys show up.

Pied Piper and Trickster are in no way going to get a listen in, everyone here is too emotionally invested in the Flash to see anything else.

Except for Penguin. Penguin's got him a Bat-dart set. 

Anyway - turns out Mister Action - AKA Jimmy Olsen - has been forcing Lois to actually do some work.

Look at this, she's outside and everyth - oh well maybe the air con's not fixed yet. 

So Mister Action has been saving people from assholes who gang up on a newstand guy. Looks like he's got the powers down but he's gotta put some work into his Clark Kent-esque excuses for being late.

Mary Marvel has taken her evil exploits to new levels - sneaking onto a cruise liner and assuming her outfit passes for evening wear. Bitch, your entire outfit needs to be removed before you can grab something with your bare hand! Then she lounges around at a Zatanna show and fantasises about killing some drunk jerk. To be fair, he is a dick but still, she went from "Oh Zatanna's magic show is pretty cool" to "let's throw this guy down from the clouds and people can just assume he tripped over the balcony" in about five seconds I mean dayamn.

Confirmed to be in Metropolis still, Holly come across Harley refusing to accept a single mother and young son looking for somewhere safe to stay. She's pissed. Harley defends it as the rules Athena set down. Holly says that she will speak to Athena about it, which shocks Harley so much that her hair turns black.

It kinda bugs me that in this issue of Detective Comics  Harley had a much more ceremonial looking stola but she's fine to meet and grey applicants in what's essentially a cheap bathrobe that everyone else wears? Also the kid seems to have lost a teddy bear at some stage.

Almost as impressive as Darkseid showing a tender side then losing two guards. We see him excuse Desaad but we never see the guards leave. They just... vanish.

Ooh, new fan theory.. Darkseid is moonlighting as Thanos!






The Monitors have been taking all my trash talk to heart so they have brought forth some characters who actually have unique faces and shit, but they get all the weird universes.

Would it have killed them to use a Wonder Woman example here?

The Short End of the Jester Schtick

Alright, well this wraps up my first Countdown rundown. I get that the Monitors are a big part in explaining the story thus far and hinting at what's to come but to be honest, if they were going to go all out in that regard, I feel like there should have been a little more help from the editor as to what we should be reading and in what order. 

You know all those times I bitched about the stupid one on the New 52 Suicide Squad run? Yeah, see, this is where we need a person like that. Oh, the Flash is dead? When? Here we go: read this comic. What? Wonder Girl be tossing down planes and shit? Right - I read THIS one. What happened to Shazam and who the funk are these people? Karate Kid and Starro??? 

Stuff like that. 

Maybe there was a guide when these first came out but it sucks going back into it years later and not having one. 

Anyway, I like that Countdown's focus is more on the B, C and D-listers than the All Stars of the DC Universe. Although, in all honesty there was way too much repetitiveness with Mary Marvel's story and it felt like while it certainly hammered the point home that she was lonely, misguided and troubled - it kept showing the same thing without it going anywhere new. 

Wotta Comedian!

Duela Dent: Blame it on genetics. You know what they say, like Joker like daughter!

Jason Todd: You're not the clown's real daughter.

Duela Dent: And you're not the Bat's real son. Zing!

Anti-Monitor: This world is not yours. Your presence in it is not tolerated. The penalty is death.

Jason Todd: To each his own. I'm not too tolerant of gun-wielding crazies myself. 

Heatwave: Never fails. First guest at a party is always the most annoying. 

Heatwave: You both flip-flop more than a Massachusetts senator. 

Arkham Inmate: What do 4D beings look like? Could they be inches away from our 3D world ready to eat our chocolate cake?

Jimmy Olsen: I... Um.... hope not. 

Joker: Let me see the watch, Jimbo. Get Superman on the line. Nurse Ratchett won't let me watch the world series!

Karate Kid: "Red Arrow"? Red? Is originality not in vogue in this time period?

Red Arrow: Oh, because Karate Kid is completely unheard of. Hey, do me a favour, would ya? Wax off. 

Mirror Master: Och, ye perfect wee bastard! What'd ye do to my money?!

Pied Piper: I took it! You owe me for killing my parents!

Mirror Master: ........ Fair enough. 

Karate Kid: I don't like it when villains I've never heard of from a time I don't belong in use me for purposes no-one can figure out. Makes me nuts. 

Trickster:Figured you'd be out here. Not much to trip your trigger in there...
Pied Piper: On the contrary, Trickster. Watching those meatheads go into spasms over women they've paid to like them is highly entertaining. 

Trickster: I guess you could say I wanna have my cake and eat it, too. Uh, so to speak. 
Pied Piper: That's not a euphemism, Trickster. Not a gay one, anyway. Don't worry, you're safe. 

Mary Marvel: Interesting. Five pregnant women on the roof of a hospital praying in pentagram formation beneath a floating rock while singing Echo and the Bunnymen's 'Killing Moon'...I'd say that qualifies as the wrong hands. 

Trickster: Sure, I'll take Piper at two-to-one. All you got to do to take down McColloch is break a mirror.
Weather Wizard: Yeah, but that's seven year's bad luck. 

Jimmy Olsen: So just tell me what you know because I've already played Q and A with a psychotic clown... I don't need to do it again with a Yoda impersonator. 

Jason Todd: And they say D.C.'s a dull town. I've never seen so many hot, pissed-off women in one place before. 

Donna Troy: Oh, I intend to give you an old-school beat-down. I'm just saying, on top of it all, that you're full of crap.

Thom: Then until we're sure your mission isn't something along the lines of "kill Sarah Conner", I suggest you relax and enjoy the view.

Trickster: I tell you what, it's a grave new day for the Rogues, buddy.... ...we've gone from kitschy super villain club to cold-blooded killers just like that.

Athena: There's a locker room in the back with terrycloth robes and--
Holly: Hidden spy cams that stream video to pervs on the internet?
Athena: I was going to say slippers.

Robin: This would be the pattern that defined our friendship. I kept underestimating Bart, and he kept proving me wrong, but never once did he say. "I told you so".

Flash: Anyway, if for some reason I should get killed in the Flash tradition of saving the universe from some crisis or kicking Darkseid's butt... I don't want you to forget how much fun I had being alive or how lucky I am to have you guys as my friends. And make sure someone tells Wally, if he can't be here to see this, that it's okay. I mean, he's a huge butthead but he was also a great teacher and it's not his fault that bad things happen.

Riddler: About your new look, Mary, I have to say... not really a big fan. A little too goth for my tastes.
Mary: Hey, there's something I don't need. Fashion tips from a clown in a green derby.

Marty: *sigh* I love a woman who dresses in star clusters.

Deadshot: Sure, we'll split you up. Why wouldn't we unshackle you for a brief moment and give you the opportunity to free yourself from incarceration?

Pied Piper: Seriously. Nice work. 
Trickster: How is any of this my fault?!
Pied Pier: Hello?! Did you not just launch us out of a plane at 32,000 feet?!

Lois: I blame Lexcorp. All his factories, melting the polar ice caps and stuff...
Clark: Come on, Lois... everyone knows Global Warming is just a myth...
Lois: Oh, SO glad I married a comedian. 

Holly: Mob mentality. As predictable as the 1:15 to Metropolis. 

Holly: You little nitwit, take a breath and listen to me...!
Harley: Let me go let me go let me go let me--
Holly: D'you really think you can convince them we're peaceful, or anything else, by beating the crap out of them?
Harley: Maybe.
Holly: This. Isn't. Helping!

Donna: Uh... This is sort of the LAST thing I expected to find in a sub-atomic universe.
Ryan: I've yet to find something I WAS expecting. 

Penguin: Is everyone having a good time? Splendid, splendid! 'Cause if you're not, I'll have to kill you! 

Newsstand Guy: Oh, one more thing -- he called himself Mister Action!
Lois: So it's true -- all the good names are taken. 

Parademon: One false move, spy, and I'll squash you like a --
Forager: Don't say it!