Splat! Promotional Comic: Suicide Blonde - The Suicide Squad prequel

2016
Writer: Tony Bedard
Pencils: Tom Derenick
Inks: Juan Albarran

So here's a review of a promotional comic that DC did alongside Splat!. Splat! is a hair dye brand. Seems like a match made in heaven given Harley's recent.. infatuation with.. changing her hair colour every five minutes. I recall Splat! advertisements in some of my older comics so they've probably been close to the superhero and pop culture scene for a while.

Let's have a look.

Urrrrggggghhh. First page is a full spread of Harley Quinn in her cell at Belle Reve. Do you remember the trailers for Suicide Squad, and the scenes in the movie where she does her little acrobatic act half naked before she gets all Miley Cyrus with licking things, then she head butts her cell because she's frustrated about her sleeping conditions? Well here's more of that! And still no-one questioning why she's essentially making a noose in her cell and giving herself dodgy prison tatts.

Waller comes past and she forces Harley to reminisce on being outside, in the fresh air and sunlight... so, money on the table, I'm shocked didn't include Harley receiving sunburn harder than any given ginger. Oh, my apologies she said nightlife.

I first looked at this and I was like.. what the hell is this? Then I remembered, Suicide Squad Harley Quinn and Joker are #relationshipgoals! Yeah! The one thing I wish my relationships had more of are stereotypical conversations about the girl not being ready fast enough while the girl imagines how a red drape would work on her as a dress. Then the boy can stand around and front about being so gangsta while constantly checking his watch. Yes... relationship goals. Sure..

See, that's the thing about the whole 'gangsta' Joker - he has to have a moll and be seen on the social scene instead of being the classic villain we know that just goes out and does crime that he's planned out meticulously or perhaps made up on the fly because he thought of something funny...
he wouldn't really care if Harley was there or not.

I mean, what is this relationship? Is it equal footing? Does he actually love her? Does he feel obligated to keep her around for some reason? It's just so vague compared to the original relationship. Even Harley is way different, she seems so calculating in this comic but in the movie she's the dumbest, most annoying hanger-on that serves no purpose.

Oh, turns out that the trashed hotel room isn't theirs, it's some hostage guy. Apparently he's some gang dude who caused a turf drama that we've probably seen done a million times before, and better to boot, on any gang based movie, comic or TV show. To be fair, the comic has like maybe 7 pages when you cut out all the covers and things, but still.

Remember that red shapeless drape Harley appears to have just found in the room? Well, turns out it's a black and red dress now with diamonds on it. Harley's spiky bracelets are probably going to destroy it anyway.

Speaking of destroying stuff - Harley kills Joker's kill boner by asking him to make a truce with the other dude. It skips to them driving around and then going to a club named... ugh. Named Splat. Of course it is. I suppose if they're paying for the comic...

What follows is just... bizarre.


First of all, the bouncer introduces them as Gotham's newest power couple, like they're actual celebrities instead of wanted inmates.
They act shocked that everyone in the crowd has dyed hair. I'm shocked they can see anything at all. What the hell sort of club is this? Plus, Joker and Harley - they didn't invent hair dye... they abuse the privilege. Then they yell at the nearest couple... who can hear them fine. Again, what kind of club is this? The one's I've been to are either too noisy, dimly lit, strobe-lighty or smoky to see or hear ANYONE clearly.

Honestly, the slang joke did win this comic some favour. 

Then we have this scene..

I don't know what I hate most.

Is it:

1. The further abuse of language and grammar?
2. Harley Quinn calling the Joker "doll" 
3. The OTT fan gushing about Harley and Joker...
4. ..the fact that that doesn't really establish what their role is in Gotham city exactly...
   Are they out and out known criminals? Are they seen as just club owners to these people? Is there any history with Arkham? Where is this in the overall timeframe??
5.  That I don't understand if Harley is meant to be some raging bisexual with no boundaries or if she's just attracted to anything that even vaguely resembles the Joker in some way
6. That I'm reminded that amongst Joker's useless collection of tattoos.. that he has that ridiculous star near his temple
7. That no-one's even complimented the random's perfect Smylex grins
8. That once leaving their presence, the random's are still super excited they met their idol but also peeing their pants in fear. So.. does that mean they know about Joker being violent or is it just.. I mean.. what... I.... aaargh!

EVERYONE'S A WINNER!! 

Sure, there's not so subtle promotion going on in the backgrounds or when we're told how everyone's creating their own style - presumably using Splat! products. Which is fine. We know it's a promotional comic going into it, but they're not beating us over the head or breaking any fourth walls so it's fine. 

Cut back to Harley still in her gross prison panties talking with Waller about signing up with Suicide Squad. Which might be another dot point under #4 earlier.. Both Harley and Joker seem extremely sane here. It's revealed that Harley's 'truce' idea was just them leaving the hostage guy dead with a note stabbed in his chest. Boy, by the way they talked immediately after that happened in the comic, I was hoping it would be something more.... unique and interesting. 

It's just used to show how hardcore Harley is, apparently. 

Then..... we get this at the end of the comic. 

Advertisements for the very first Harley Quinn solo after the New 52. 

It's... it's not even the Suicide Squad.
It's not even her newer Rebirth timeline collections where she actually has hair like the movie..

It's not even when she was IN a relationship of any kind with Joker..







I will savour the tears of the people who are really keen on the Harley/Joker relationship as portrayed in the Suicide Squad, wanting to read more about the Suicide Squad and then get tricked into buying these shitty comics in which Harley is separated from Joker and written like fan fiction gone wrong.

The Short End of the Jester Schtick

Yeah... not worth buying any hair product.

The art's okay.. for what it is. The problems with the scenario aren't really Splat's fault, but I do question their thought process about wanting to be tied into this hot mess of a failed comic book movie.

Go and see the Suicide Blonde movie. In no way perfect, but better than this Suicide Blonde.

Wotta Comedian!

Joker: I hear you're an art enthusiast. Genuine Monet hanging in your office, right? I tend to favour abstract stuff, myself. Wanna see your brains in the style of Jackson Pollock?

Harley: Lady, I trust you about as far as I can throw you. Scratch that --I could throw you farther than ya think.