Countdown 39-30

Back into a long shitepost about Countdown again! 

Here's Una and Karate Kid flying around Metropolis and dreaming about some sweet B&E. 

Wait, what? They're going to break into Oracle's Metropolis hideout? Goooood Luuuucccck...

Speaking of hideouts, Pied Piper and Trickster and finding a change in their circumstances. Penguin treats them to some fancy wine and some nice chow. Trickster accepts it gladly but Piper has some reservations. Trickster mocks Piper for his negative view on things but sure enough, Penguin has the Suicide Squad ready and waiting  to take out the rogue Rogues. 

Meanwhile, Donna Troy and Jason Todd and flying through the sub-quantum something or other when Jason makes the mistake of asking how much weirder stuff can get. 

Yeah, that's like an unwritten rule in comics, or even life. Just... don't. 

Now we've mentioned weird, we have to mention Jimmy Olsen. Oops, I mean Mr. Action. He thwarts a mugger and gets a smooch, then some aspirations into a team dynamic one week into his solo crime fighting career.

Maybe instead of dreaming big, Mr. Action could have stretched his way into Gotham to help Penguin save his expensive wine cellar because things are NOT going well over there.

Trickster hilariously yells about being rat catchers while running through the Iceberg Lounge - referring to the Pied Piper and his rat affinity, while also working double to embarrass Penguin.

The Suicide Squad get shown up, and hard, despite Deadshot's best attempts. Through a combination of boomerangs and forgetting about the electro chain tying them together, Trickster and Piper barely scrape their way out of there. 

Talking about scrapes - man, how good am I tying these things together? - we meet up with Harley and Holly back over at the Athenian shelter, scraping away at the patriarchy and dodging rioting mobs. Last time, Holly saw Harley rejecting a single mother's application for refuge and she is now digging for answers about this. 

Yeah, Athena will see you now.. ABOUT THAT BURN!

Seriously, Holly. I love this scene. She's hauling herself up from the bottom of society and has been doing it rough - I don't blame her for asking for good reasons why they're putting someone vulnerable right back down the ladder. However, she's really judgey and stuck up when she goes about it, especially to someone who is clearly working on their own past and faults. I like how Harley doesn't go off on a tangent about it (something I clearly have trouble with!) but instead delivers a snappy retort and leaves with a cheeky grin on her face.

Holly goes in more politely with 'Athena' and ultimately ends up back where she was - no real answers - but now with a ticket to a self esteem workshop.

DC Universe Harley Quinn #56

Okay.. I feel like we have already had a cover like this with Harley recently. Or maybe two if you count the 'We are Robin' "parody" in that. Then it's got the obligatory 'who let the somethings out' asked perhaps un-ironically. Probably wouldn't be too bad but.. the cats.... don't look like cats.

They kinda look like stuffed animals with some poor sod's false eyeballs. Clearly they ran out of poses for said pussy posse and they sneakily amended them slightly with different colours, hid them in the background... maybe moved a limb or two. I just can't get past Harley's freakishly tiny hands. .....urrgh.

Second cover is okay.. makes me wish it was 'who let the hyenas out' because that would be a lot more funny and then maybe, just maybe I could get past that time DC killed Bud and Lou horrifically.* Wait... where's the other hyena? Gasp!!!


So we open up on Harley staggering down the street for some reason. Is this to do with Christmas? Who knows? Anyway she gets some horrible Pepto-Bismol laced hot dog because apparently to be American is to eat partial meat substances with the antidote at the same time. Then it's back to the office! By which we mean her home? So why did she leave in the first place? Who knows..?

Now here's the part I have a problem with. She has...gained a cat allergy! *comedic shenanigans ensue* I know it's not impossible.. why, my best friend recently started reacting to her cat and they've had that furry bastard for like a decade! Harley doesn't act like this is a recent development though.. although she sure didn't mention it when she used to have that whole spare floor filled with dogs, cats, birds and a metric tonne of their poop!

Well it's relevant because she now has to evict some tenant's cats. As we all know, I skipped a good load of these comics because I couldn't stand the bastardising last 'creative' team. So.... who the heck is this guy? Was he in the comics recently? Why does he have to get rid of his cats (who appear to be talented) when Harley herself got to have the aforementioned poop-level filled with dogs that literally ate humans... when she had that poop catapult shooting crap over the city she 'loved' so much.. how she had chickens, puppies and rotting beavers in her apartment...

What a hypocrite!!

Birds of Prey Episode 5: Sins of the Mother

After all this talk of the Bird of Prey movie that at this point just seems to be a vehicle for Maggots instead of the story we deserve about the ACTUAL Birds of Prey, I just felt like watching something where even an alternate version of Harley Quinn is better than the mainstream garbage. 

Not pictured: Hollywood bimbos stinking up everything

So let's get into Episode 5 of Birds of Prey: Sins of the Mother.

Ahhh my CGI p0rn... how I have missed you.

Where was I? Oh right.. the inventively named New Gotham Station is our first stop, and also our first bad train pun on my behalf. But... who is this strange lady?

Well I'm guessing she's someone's mother from the title. I knew I should have gone to Detective School. Damn! A wasted opportunity!!!

Anyway, blonde lady glares at the city then puts on some dramatic sunglasses. After yelling "YEEEAAAAAH!" stalks off into the throng of unwashed masses wandering around the set. Immediately, a thug appears from stage right and makes a phone call. Like... was he just staring at her the whole time. He's not exactly inconspicuous. He makes a call from a bright sunny exterior into some musty, dusty, afternoon type lit room full of weapons and some dude in a suit.

Turns out our new lady friend has a price on her head. Musty Man (Fitz?) tries to tell some other guy about the new development but Sitting Down Clown only wants to instruct him on correct breathing techniques or something.

Pictured: My face when people try to get me into yoga

DC Universe Harley Quinn #55

*Sucks in breath* H'ooookay. Christmas issue. Here we go.

Right... standard comic character harasses Santa in a Christmas themed outfit. Well, she added baubles to her collar... like that wouldn't be impractical, itchy and awkward. Like her weird pom pom laces! That's nearly it's own death trap! Apart from that it's just her ordinary roller derby outfit. I really feel like this suit just doesn't get washed enough on a daily basis. Still, it's better than her weird Christmas rocket suit elf thing. Let's hope that monstrosity doesn't come back! Plus, this cover hurts me seeing things like 'plush toys for the hyenas that DC killed off horrifically' and the 'good old jester costume that my mom trashed a few issues back' on her Christmas list. Plus, how short AND wide is Santa's chair? All the better to hold your tiny hands up my dear. Other cover is basically Harley spray painting a snowman. It's okay, but I would have thought it would be a nice excuse to draw her nostalgic Christmas outfit instead of her wearing uggs and a scarf if it's soooo cold, right?

I like her jacket though, and how the interior quilt looking pleat is like diamonds.. I still don't get why she's got stars on her boobs like pasties, how do you screw up a deck of cards theme like you did her colours? You've got most of it in your logo, mate!

Ohh... yay... the space elf from Christmas hell costume.... it's made a reappearance.... whyyyyyy

Just like the weird Timms art and the zillion and one speech bubbles. This is going to be more painfully awkward than that time Rudolph asked Harley for his nose back.

Suicide Squad New52 #20

Hello, Harley people!

This blog is going to be about, well, Suicide Squad #20. Duh, pay attention. Now, I did a review of this one aaaaaages ago, so here's a link if you'd like to read it in full. Otherwise, there'll be snippets of what I thought were apt or witty thoughts about it. These'll be in a different colour to the rest of the body, so if my paragraphing doesn't make sense... Y'know. Well, that's my excuse anyway.

It's important to note that from this issue and moving forward, the series had a new writer in Ales Kot. As you'd know from previous reviews, I had a few issues with Adam Glass' writing for this series. I'm not entirely blaming him for this dank ass series but he definitely had a major hand in it.
So, it's been a while. Was Kot any better? Let's find out.

July 2013
"Discipline and Punishment Pt 1 of 2"
Writer: Ales Kot
Artist: Patrick Zircher
Colours: Jason Keith

Y'know, I used to review these all the time before it became way too hard - it's a whole new level trying to type something when your arms keep getting thrown up in the air and my typist left because she thought I was swearing at her when I read this stuff. However, now there's a new brain-head doing the series I thought I'd give it another go.


The cover art here shows some wannabe flesh, a sad little skeleton still holding on to the freaking grenade. There are times in life where it pays to drop the ball. Or pear shaped object with a pin.
Around Skeletor is little photos of the Squad, in case we forget who they are. For a 'secret' team, there sure is a lot of this photo stuff going on. That's a problem for another day. Me? I can't get past Hardly Quinn's ugly piggy nose and the fact that Deadshot looks like a scrapped plan for a robot in a third rate sci-fi show.

Now as well as a new writer, we also have some new characters. We met the Unknown Soldier last issue but there's also new inmates (or inmates we didn't previously have the budget to see) as well as Waller's new minion. Waller is going all out, as she also has a plan to break in the current Squad because it took about 20 issues for her to realise that this Squad is useless.

Heroes in Crisis #3

Well, I just read the Harley Quinn Christmas issue and boy am I struggling with it. Just... not ready to process that mess just yet. Time for some therapy! Let's head on back to the sanctuary....

This first cover looks cool and the second cover isn't the best but it does recall that awesome moment when Wonder Woman killed Maxwell Lord for being an absolute dick.

..... What? I'm on Wonder Woman's side. A dilemma that would have caused several other characters to drag out the decision was solved in a snap of his jerk neck. Something Batman could probably learn from to be honest. And we all know it wasn't a decision she made easily or wanted to do, but it was the only way to protect thousands from a mind - controlled, violent Superman.


Now feedback on this series so far has been a bit mixed, I've seen a lot of negative remarks about Harley Quinn being over powered - more on that later! - and concerns about delving into superhero psychology. Now sure, no-one wants to see their favourite heroes comatose out of anxieties but you can't also deny that the work they do would lead to some major anxieties.

So far I'm tentatively enjoying the series, especially with scenes like this.

Here's three heroes in varying degrees of stays in the Sanctuary. Lagoon Boy has been here the longest - he has physical reactions he doesn't expect and can't control - he tries to brag about being master of the lagoon but it's overshadowed by his nervousness.

Next is Wally West. He's only been here a few weeks so he's still full of brags about being the fastest man alive... even though there's like ten fastest men alive (not counting the women) and I picture all of these fast, fast men whispering to themselves that they're the fastest, just so they can sleep at night. It does enforce one thing though - keeping a speedster in one place for two and a half weeks is a feat.

Last is Booster Gold. Now, he's known for his ego even though he's more of a B-lister generally speaking, so his speech isn't out of place. It does provide a comparison to the others though.





Or does it?

DC Universe Harley Quinn #54

The main cover isn't horrible.. but it does kinda defeat the purpose of the last issue being spent on ruining Harley's faux-Youtube career. Variant cover.. yeah, it's nice but apart from making me think they ran out of time to finish the colouring in, it gets me rolling my eyes at the 'pumpkin spice' mallet.

I live in Australia, where the only pumpkin flavoured things are our pumpkins, pumpkin scones, pumpkin soup and so forth. One time, I saw a pumpkin spice body spray and in the more American themed coffee shops they do a random pumpkin flavoured thing but it's not very big here. Still, you get the memes about everything being pumpkin-this or pumpkin-that that the mallet being named pumpkin spice is kinda cringey.



Anyway, back to this comic about people (apparently everyone everywhere including Martian G-D Manhunter!! Is it THAT boring in the Watchtower???) watching online videos.
Yep. Groundbreaking stuff alright.

Minor Disaster switched Harley's delete and upload video, so now Harley is ugly-crying in an alley being filmed by said Minor Disaster.

Told ya. 

Harley gets mad, and forgets to use English correctly.

"Ain't nobody with a loser name like Minor Disaster can bring me down low!" she yells, defiant of the fact that she just used a double negative and also that she has an appropriate villain name and has just called the kettle black.

Then she gets super mad about being called a lame Joker rip-off, but I mean you can't deny that, especially if you're keeping the skin bleach.