DC Universe: Batman #89

Straight up, not a fan of the cover!

The concept is fine but the character design doesn't grab me. Penguin and Riddler look about right but Joker is like the skinny jeans version of himself.

Harley - ooh where to start? Right - face bandaid? Gross. Could be a racing stripe but you're either playing derby or you're not, and she's not so it's a plaster until further notice. Looks as if she's wearing a quarterback's armour with the flimsiest shirt underneath. Crazy skinny to the point where's it's distracting and you wonder why she had her arms surgically replaced with that of as young child's. Are these arms going to snap the moment she lifts that mallet? Her shorts look like a Warner Brother's cartoon ran headlong into her butt and saw stars so hard it left an imprint of their delusion - the only thing missing is the tweeting birds. How are her tatty thigh highs even staying up? The only part I really approve of is the sturdy boots. 

Then there is Catwoman - fine I guess, if you like vinyl chafing in your armpits. 

Anyway, comic opens with some hospital staff discussing how everyone's basically doomed because of dust and Joker toxins. I mean, this is a great point. Coincidence this issue came out when it did? Curious now if the vast majority of anti-maskers during COVID19 would wear a mask if they lived anywhere near the Joker or if they would continue their protest, albeit with big, new smiles?

The hospital chit chat gets cut short when Penguin gets unceremoniously dumped in their lap with a stab wound. Speaking of extreme Americano, Batman fights a dude in stars and stripes. It does not end well for stars and stripes man. 

I would like to point out that I haven't read the issues proceeding this so not 100% on what's going on, but I am going to question why if all of these people are in Gotham - why is it only raining in the cemetery? I would also question why the ER of Gotham's Mercy Hospital was so quiet and clean but eh. 

Right, so Harley is back in Gotham and is helping Selina take out a bunch of Joker... gas.. robot things?

I probably should read the preceding issues. Oh well. 

DC Universe: Harley Quinn #64

 

The first thing that drew my attention on this cover was the tiny top banner with classic Harley shoving current Harley. It's cute, and in character. I don't know how I didn't look at the main picture first because YE GADS what on Earth is that? Did the nineties comic scene throw up again? I mean, it's not that baaaad... I guess but it also... doesn't make sense? 

Why is her arm a box? Is her hair made out of pom-poms? I was confused about her foot being a demented roller blade but then I realised that's meant to be her arm, not the box... her foot is that faux Japanese mask and cybergoth fluffies. So... what IS the box doing there? Is it part of her outfit, or is it the background? What's the other thing floating around her? Where are her eyeballs? Is this the revenge of Suicide Squad New52? Her pigtails trailing so long and being around all these mechanical parts makes me hella anxious too. 

Moving on with the comic itself - Harley is still reading her own comic book to escape the realities of her mom's hospital trip and-OH okay, inside is another picture from the cover and as it turns out, the star and box (diamond?) are SHOULDER PADS. 

.....Eh, still more in true to her origins than what she has been seen wearing, even if she's got a reject Dazzler from the future/Jem and the Holo-hell no's/Ziggy Star-Don't feel to her.  

Still weird though. 

Side note, I don't know a thing about Year of the Villain so if everyone's gonna be in these extreme cosplayer gladiator outfits I - well, actually I'm in two minds about reading it. 

DC Universe Harley Quinn #63

July 2019
Writer: Sam Humphries
Art: Otto Schmidt
Cover: Guillem March
"Death becomes Harley"

The final trials of Harley Quinn have begun…and the stakes have never been higher! Will Harley succeed in becoming the Angel of Retribution? Or will she fall short, only to suffer the same fate as all those before her?
Plus, a mysterious new comic by M. Clatterbuck appears…in which Lex Luthor makes Harley an exciting offer!
This cover is advertising the tie in for the "year of the villain" event, which is fine I guess, but I mean... going with a cross eyed Harley isn't the image I would have chosen. Plus, I thought the series was pushing the agenda that Harley is no longer a villain? Eh, who can keep up anymore? Especially when she either has hyenas or doesn't or only does when it's convenient like when she needs to sass an anthropomorphic personification of death.

The variant cover artist is Frank Cho who I have criticised before for being
kinda stuck in his ways. Here he's gone a bit different and done an oil painting.. or two. Which, yeah is hard and does take some skill but also.. I don't know if I like these. The first one is okay - but then he changed it to the final cover of just Harley doing her Maggot-Miley impersonation, which then apparently got super pasty white for production and now looks worse. I reckon he should have stuck with the peace sign/Vogue-ing one.





This issue opens with some random hero guy called The Coney Champion - who has sworn to take down Harley for her reign of terror - getting absolutely nerfed by Death. And not the fun Death, like Discworld, but some lazy skeleton who just throws this dude into a truck and kills him.
Which probably the worst part about is not the laziness, not the new character introduced and killed off because he posed a slight threat to Harley, the fact that it had nothing really to do with the story but probably the fact that this guy driving said truck appears to have vehicular manslaughtered before.. and assumes he's at fault even though this other guy hit the SIDE of his truck. What the heck sort of intro is this?

DC Universe Harley Quinn #62

Alright, this one I've been putting off for a while because just reading this comic exhausted me. More on that later.

Anyway, first cover is fine I guess, but the Enchantress' face is scarier than I think the artist intended. Plus, is Harley offended at being called an idiot or is she so far removed from being a jester now that she has no idea what 'fool' means in context?

Cho's cover is a lot better than normal - actually fits the comic's theme and does a good job. It's still weird seeing Harley in the classic costume but not wearing her domino mask. It's like leaving the house not wearing shoes or something. Weird. Doable depending on where you're going, but still like... weird. Also Catwoman's helmet straps dangling seem like an unusual liability for her.

So - why am I exhausted?

Well....

This is page one. 

Did we not get rid of this million speech bubbles bull crap already? And for good reason? 

I'm not the kind of person to baulk at reading - I love reading, and I read fast. I read comics, novels of fiction and non, magazines, blogs, newspapers, flyers, cereal boxes, the really small fine print you get in contracts, HELL - I'm that person that actually reads the pamphlets that come with medication! 

So it's not just the sheer amount of words that are a problem, it's the obnoxious way it's shoved in our faces, complete with randomly sized and differently coloured key points so you don't fall asleep reading the damn thing. 

So, to break it down - Harley - talking to us via the fourth wall - recaps the WHOLE last issue again. She does this while literally being burnt at the stake because PRIORITIES, clearly. Then the whole thing is supposed to be her 'testimony' to Tina, trying to prove she's not crazy. Harley's supposed to be smarter than this, like PhD smart, yet she can't take a second to read the room? She KNOWS people here don't understand her, yet she makes no effort, even when her life and the life of Catwoman is on the line, to pretend to be normal and speak clearly?

Would you talk the same to the CEO of your company as you would to a toddler? How about an astrophysicist versus a grade schooler? An English literature professor against an immigrant who knows only basic translations? Your best friend or your worst enemy?

NO. 

Wonder Woman: Agent of Peace #1

Commitment to Chaos

During a run-in with a villainous crime syndicate, Wonder Woman learns about a hit list whose biggest target is a familiar name – Harley Quinn! Can the Champion of Paradise Island track down the Clown Princess of Crime before it’s too late?

Writers: Conner/Palmiotti
Artist: Miranda

Colours: Hi-Fi

April 2020

There's not a lot of variation in these two covers, Wonder Woman looking "off-screen" at whatever threat she's countering. Harley Quinn acting tough behind her, and in BOTH covers manages to make direct eye contact with the reader. I'm not the biggest fan of Conner's artwork.. but good gravy it looks like something from the Louvre next to the horrible body shapes and contortions that the variant gives us. What happened to variant Diana's shoulder and stomach?? Why are variant Harley's boobs looming like visions of doom from the future.... larger than life and certainly larger than her head! 

I first became aware of this comic from the Wonder Woman fan page on Facebook, and the majority of comments were "Why is Harley here? She's way over-saturated" which  is true, she really is. Combined with the fact that both the former writers and artist hail from the Harley Quinn solo series, there is not a doubt in my mind that Wonder Woman is going to get sidelined in her own series. 

The last time these two got involved it was like a really weird fan fiction where not only was Wonder Woman sidelined, but she was really out of character for the sake of having her team up with the Brooklyn Babbler. 

Well, I'm wearing my Wonder Woman shirt.. let's see if this issue is at least better than that time. 

Opening on Wonder Woman wandering through some city - we get some exposition about buildings collapsing randomly followed by some real estate fraud but it doesn't say where she is. I haven't kept up as late with the current Wonder Woman but she used to be based around Washington DC either for her museum or Dept. of Metahuman affairs, New York for her embassy or Boston for her agency.. 

I guess we're in generic USA City. Wonder Woman looks a bit like a strung out supermodel and because it wouldn't be a Conner/Palmiotti book without it, there's obligatory scenes of both gushing fan girls and authoritarian-stereotypical tough guys for the heroine to beat up. 

Justice League vs Suicide Squad #2

Cover shows us the new team teased at the end of issue one.
They all seem like lesser known people with Lobo planted right and centre to garner some interest.


Variants aren't that exciting. Oh wait, talk about your versus battles, it's my favourite Harley Quinn solo team versus the my loathed Harley Quinn solo team!
Isn't it funny how both of them do the same thing but one is just instinctively more crap?

Both cover sequences take place in the same empty void apparently. Did the industry run out of background artists?

So, Conner has Enchantress striking a ditzy pose, she's upset and looking like she gotta pee but has to stop Ballerina Superman from bro-fisting her first. Her feet are clearly on the floor but there's no floor there, and it's not exactly Superman's style to freakin' plow drive opponents into the ground unless they're like Doomsday or something. In fact, knowing his weakness to magic, why would he engage in close quarters combat instead of trying to take her out from a distance with like freeze breath or something? Only compliment I can really give this cover is that Enchantress' outfit looks okay.

The Dodson's take has Enchantress at least looking like she's about to strike at Superman, she looks controlled and calm, Superman on the other hand looks cautious, like he's not sure about engaging this magic user. Dodson's do capes so much better... they actually look like real fabric, interacting with the wind in this featureless void..... I like that Enchantress has occult symbols appearing with her magic. Only critique would be that Superman's either really bendy or he's missing a leg.

Right, so the actual comic. Turns out, Waller has a perfect view of the money shot here on this random island. I think there are only like, five characters with their feet on the ground here.
They're all actually fighting and have all paired off.

Also Waller has injured her best pointing finger somehow.

Perspective... that ain't it, Chief. 

Harley Quinn & Poison Ivy #1

Here it is.

Honestly I wasn't sure what to expect from this comic because the previous taglines were all "Harley and Ivy explore their relationship post Sanctuary" - which can mean a lot of things but my first thought was "pleasedon'tbelikethepalmiottoconnerharleyivyrelationshippleasepleaseplease" because there is no faster buzzkill than my two of my favourite fictional criminals sitting around calling each other pet names, talking about feelings and scheduling spa dates.

Also, the first promo didn't grab my eye.. I wasn't keen on Ivy's 'green variant of female titan' look, and the angle for Harley wasn't especially flattering, and I wasn't excited about the predictable antagonist... although I did like the direct approach of it by having them dance around a map literally between their destinations. The cover they used appeals to me so much more.. although I question why it matters to watch the road when everything's on fire but that's just me.

As you may have guessed, there are quite a few variants so we'll go through them at the end so as not to take up the entire review.


So, what's it all about, really?

Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy are taking their show on the road in this new miniseries! They’ll have to evade villains and heroes alike while they explore their relationship and unpack their time and experiences at Sanctuary. Set after the events of HEROES IN CRISIS and smack in the middle of “Year of the Villain,” it’s a journey across the DC Universe that will change their friendship forever... if they live that long!

"Pushing Daisies"

Sept 2019

Writer: Jody Houser

Pencils: Adriana Melo

Inks: Mark Morales
Colours: Hi-Fi

Cover: Mikel Janin

Okay... so it's a mini-series capitalising off the name of a prior popular series smack bang in the middle of two events? Wow, I'm cynical. Let's check it out. 

DC Universe: Harley Quinn #60

Holy crap, this issue only has one cover that I can tell! I don't
actually know what to do with myself..
There is so much confusion in my life right now and I honestly don't know what's real or not. Is up down, and vice versa? Is there a spoon? Is the world actually flat but not as bad ass as Discworld?

No, wait, I lied. Or rather, I was misled. There is a second cover where a fancy Harley contemplates killing a bat. I don't see why you would go to the trouble of dressing up like that and then keeping your normal hair style. Right? Keep it period appropriate.



Ohhhh... I see what happened here.... Harley's variant got kicked off of the digital copy I had to make room for Shazam! movie advertising. I still haven't seen that yet. Oh well. The ordinary cover's fine.. I guess. Nothing to write home about, it's not even a good parody of an overblown action movie because I'm sure I've seen at least ten other covers in her solo series just like this. Plus we're back with another speech bubble "pun". Like, it's too generic and so far over into 'Not Trying Land' ... why should we care?
Also Harley's ribs are visible through and over her tube top. That's... probably not good.

In fact, this whole issue is an up and down mixed bag of something. It constantly brings in a cool concept with the benefit of nice art, but then keeps dragging itself down with the terminal stupid and a bad case of the 'whatever, this is good enough to churn out an issue with'.

Starting off with a alien/horror movie setting jumping on from the ten seconds we saw of S.T.A.R. labs Coney freakin' Island last time. She's freaking out saying she's trapped and being hunted.. everything's dark and she's alone. This is good, it's a great set up and it makes you wonder how she got in this situation. It makes you wonder what she's going to encounter. It makes you wonder if this is real because Harley's being unusually sombre.

Then you realise that she's probably only in this situation so her fancy alien ray guns can match her stupid hair colour.

Then you get told this is what she's doing and why she's in this mess.

"Hi, it's me, Harley! Trying to be Deadpool by breaking that fourth wall! LOL!! Totally changed since the old stupid classic version of me but I'm still doing crimes! For my mom! Who has cancer! Haven't mentioned that in a while! You know my mom has cancer. Cancer mom!
Yeah, remember how she's already being treated by competent doctors? And how she tells me not to do anything stupid?? Lulz here I am breaking in to find some random magical cure I just invented in my head because there's no proof such a thing exists in this place! Or even if this building existed prior to today! So random!@! Rawr!!"

Heroes in Crisis #3

Well, I just read the Harley Quinn Christmas issue and boy am I struggling with it. Just... not ready to process that mess just yet. Time for some therapy! Let's head on back to the sanctuary....

This first cover looks cool and the second cover isn't the best but it does recall that awesome moment when Wonder Woman killed Maxwell Lord for being an absolute dick.

..... What? I'm on Wonder Woman's side. A dilemma that would have caused several other characters to drag out the decision was solved in a snap of his jerk neck. Something Batman could probably learn from to be honest. And we all know it wasn't a decision she made easily or wanted to do, but it was the only way to protect thousands from a mind - controlled, violent Superman.


Now feedback on this series so far has been a bit mixed, I've seen a lot of negative remarks about Harley Quinn being over powered - more on that later! - and concerns about delving into superhero psychology. Now sure, no-one wants to see their favourite heroes comatose out of anxieties but you can't also deny that the work they do would lead to some major anxieties.

So far I'm tentatively enjoying the series, especially with scenes like this.

Here's three heroes in varying degrees of stays in the Sanctuary. Lagoon Boy has been here the longest - he has physical reactions he doesn't expect and can't control - he tries to brag about being master of the lagoon but it's overshadowed by his nervousness.

Next is Wally West. He's only been here a few weeks so he's still full of brags about being the fastest man alive... even though there's like ten fastest men alive (not counting the women) and I picture all of these fast, fast men whispering to themselves that they're the fastest, just so they can sleep at night. It does enforce one thing though - keeping a speedster in one place for two and a half weeks is a feat.

Last is Booster Gold. Now, he's known for his ego even though he's more of a B-lister generally speaking, so his speech isn't out of place. It does provide a comparison to the others though.





Or does it?

DC Universe Harley Quinn #54

The main cover isn't horrible.. but it does kinda defeat the purpose of the last issue being spent on ruining Harley's faux-Youtube career. Variant cover.. yeah, it's nice but apart from making me think they ran out of time to finish the colouring in, it gets me rolling my eyes at the 'pumpkin spice' mallet.

I live in Australia, where the only pumpkin flavoured things are our pumpkins, pumpkin scones, pumpkin soup and so forth. One time, I saw a pumpkin spice body spray and in the more American themed coffee shops they do a random pumpkin flavoured thing but it's not very big here. Still, you get the memes about everything being pumpkin-this or pumpkin-that that the mallet being named pumpkin spice is kinda cringey.



Anyway, back to this comic about people (apparently everyone everywhere including Martian G-D Manhunter!! Is it THAT boring in the Watchtower???) watching online videos.
Yep. Groundbreaking stuff alright.

Minor Disaster switched Harley's delete and upload video, so now Harley is ugly-crying in an alley being filmed by said Minor Disaster.

Told ya. 

Harley gets mad, and forgets to use English correctly.

"Ain't nobody with a loser name like Minor Disaster can bring me down low!" she yells, defiant of the fact that she just used a double negative and also that she has an appropriate villain name and has just called the kettle black.

Then she gets super mad about being called a lame Joker rip-off, but I mean you can't deny that, especially if you're keeping the skin bleach.