Harley Quinn: fake news and rant about Screenrant

 So - spoiler alert - ScreenRant isn't exactly the headquarters of factual information but they do a lot of clickbait and are allllways at the top of any search for general pop culturey stuff, which I know because I make an effort to avoid clicking on their articles. Today though, they got me. 

I was curious about the tattoo on Harley's back so I read this article by a Thomas Bacon (1/9/2020) in which he states it says property of no-one, which is a throwback to her 'property of Joker' jacket from the first Suicide Squad movie. While I wish we could see this relationship actually play out on the silver screen, Mr. Bacon portrays these tattoos like they're a full relationship run-down and all we need to know. 

But attentive viewers will have noticed a subtle change in Harley Quinn; specifically, her tattoos. Most of these were supposed to have been made by Harley herself, while she was languishing in prison, bored out of her mind. But there are a couple of exceptions, ones in places even the uber-flexible Harley couldn't reach. And all of these conveyed a sense of ownership, suggesting the Joker had branded Harley. One on Harley Quinn's back literally identifies her as "property of Joker." It's easy to miss, but this has actually changed in the behind-the-scenes footage from The Suicide Squad, suggesting Harley has had someone paid to alter the tat. It now reads, "property of no one.
It's a subtle detail, but a great visual way of reminding viewers of Harley's character arc. It suggests Harley Quinn is following the same journey she did in the comics, where she learns to define herself as an individual rather than by her relationships. While she no doubt won't stay single - Birds of Prey subtly set up the romance between Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy - she will never again allow herself to be drawn into the kind of unhealthy, obsessive and abusive relationship she had with the Joker.
All this means Harley Quinn is more than a Joker abuse victim. Rather, she is recovering from her time with the Clown Prince of Crime, getting on with her life, and in so doing presenting a brilliant example to viewers. Superhero franchises rarely explore this theme, tending to show healthy relationships and present idealised views of love and romance. But Harley Quinn is far more real, meaning she has one of the best arcs in the DCEU to date. This tattoo confirms that arc will continue in James Gunn's The Suicide Squad.

I was curious about the 'subtly set up romance' thing because if there's one thing DC doesn't do well in it's films it's.... ok, well, one thing among many is that they ain't subtle. 

The link is in the paragraph if you wish to read it yourself but be warned, it's nothing to do with the movie Birds of Prey.

DC Universe Harley Quinn #63

July 2019
Writer: Sam Humphries
Art: Otto Schmidt
Cover: Guillem March
"Death becomes Harley"

The final trials of Harley Quinn have begun…and the stakes have never been higher! Will Harley succeed in becoming the Angel of Retribution? Or will she fall short, only to suffer the same fate as all those before her?
Plus, a mysterious new comic by M. Clatterbuck appears…in which Lex Luthor makes Harley an exciting offer!
This cover is advertising the tie in for the "year of the villain" event, which is fine I guess, but I mean... going with a cross eyed Harley isn't the image I would have chosen. Plus, I thought the series was pushing the agenda that Harley is no longer a villain? Eh, who can keep up anymore? Especially when she either has hyenas or doesn't or only does when it's convenient like when she needs to sass an anthropomorphic personification of death.

The variant cover artist is Frank Cho who I have criticised before for being
kinda stuck in his ways. Here he's gone a bit different and done an oil painting.. or two. Which, yeah is hard and does take some skill but also.. I don't know if I like these. The first one is okay - but then he changed it to the final cover of just Harley doing her Maggot-Miley impersonation, which then apparently got super pasty white for production and now looks worse. I reckon he should have stuck with the peace sign/Vogue-ing one.





This issue opens with some random hero guy called The Coney Champion - who has sworn to take down Harley for her reign of terror - getting absolutely nerfed by Death. And not the fun Death, like Discworld, but some lazy skeleton who just throws this dude into a truck and kills him.
Which probably the worst part about is not the laziness, not the new character introduced and killed off because he posed a slight threat to Harley, the fact that it had nothing really to do with the story but probably the fact that this guy driving said truck appears to have vehicular manslaughtered before.. and assumes he's at fault even though this other guy hit the SIDE of his truck. What the heck sort of intro is this?

Harley Quinn And The Birds Of Prey

You can probably guess that I've put off reviewing this one for as long as I can.

April 2020

The creative team that transformed Harley Quinn forever returns to shake up her world once more-and this time, the gloves are off! Harley Quinn has avoided Gotham City ever since she broke up with The Joker and found a home, and a kind of family, in Coney Island. But when she gets an offer she can’t refuse, she has no choice but to slip back into the city as quietly as she can, hoping to be gone before anyone-especially her ex-learns she’s been there. But for Harley, “as quietly as she can” is plenty loud…and before she can say “Holee bounty hunters, Batman,” The Joker’s sicced every super-villain in the city on her pretty ombré head-and the only team tough enough (or crazy enough) to come to her defense is the Birds of Prey! The foul-mouthed, no-holds-barred sequel to one of DC’s raciest runs is here! Get on board early, before we come to our senses!

So, the team that messed up Harley Quinn for iterations to come decided to break their 'Harley Quinn retirement' now that there's more media focus on her than usual, they can smell the dinero from a mile away.. and in doing so are going to schlock out their usual off brand catch phrases, show how absolutely annoying their Harley is, and forget that she's been seen in and out of Gotham several times during their run.

Going from that blurb, this is meant to be a direct sequel to the recent movie I guess?

The cover already made me lose what little hope I had. Here are five women of diverse nationalities who all have the exact same face and body type.  The characters in the movie (if you can call it that) were already so distanced from their comic counterparts, but here while they look a bit more like the characters they're meant to be - we still get to tell them apart by their accessories. 

LOL Montoya has doughnuts, she must be a cop! Ha, Cassandra is such a little cat burglar, look at her hoodie with cat ears and how she's stolen Huntress' arrows! 

Also.. are the Birds in Coney Island because otherwise what's with this backdrop of Harley's hotel full of her extended roster of bit-parters if she's supposed to be in Gotham? 

The only thing I LIKE about this cover is the can that says "Oh, happy spray!" but come on, that's not exactly original either, is it?

Birds of Prey: Sirens of Justice #1

Not content with her own comic empire, a successful Gotham City Sirens run and a miserable attempt to encroach on the Birds of Prey universe via cinematic vomit, DC has decided to combine all three of these elements to make this Birds of Prey: Sirens of Justice - The inclusion of one Harley Quinn.

Sigh.

At least going from the cover art and the involvement of one Gail Simone, this should be better than that hideous movie-comic tie-in we had before.

Fight or Flight
May 2020
Writer: Simone
Cover: Lupacchino and McCaig
Interiors art: Miranda

As much as this cover is actually visually appealing - I'm a bit concerned that Harley is basically wearing as knock off version of Canary's outfit. Remember that old design guideline where it was basically law for any TV show/movie/comic etc that had more than one female, that they all had to wear a different style top etc? Anime fans would be familiar with uniformed school girls having extremely varied socks - same kinda thing.

They even go as far as to include fishnets on Harley's get up though - like.. a blonde wearing fingerless gloves, jacket, booty shorts with the same belt, fishnets and then the matching mid-calf black boots? COME ON. That job's been taken already!

I really wish they had taken a page from some of the other outfits Harley has worn, like Arkham City, Assault on Arkham, Gotham City Garage, Joker TPB, Injustice and even the rare Suicide Squad where she has pants and a functional looking outfit..


The interior art is  very much a step below the cover. I'm not really a fan of Miranda's art. At least here there is a bit more to differentiate Harley and Canary, although I stand by my previous comments about Harley needing a better outfit because she looks ridiculously out of place compared to the people she's with, to the extend someone could have poorly photo-shopped her in.
The background work is very nice though, so points for that.

Happy about Simone being back in the saddle - her dialogue between the Birds seems natural and fits their respective personalities, plus her Harley sounds less like an inbred hick and more like someone who genuinely has a bit of an accent/dialect.

My first issue with this first issue though is that it opens on "Later. Ten blocks away and thirty stories up..." which could work for the intrigue aspect but it just happens way too often in comics. Like, flitting between then and now is fine, but didn't we used to just have the comic open and THEN have the later/earlier sequence pop up? This reeks of Conner/Palmiotti. Ugh.

Next issue is immediate.
Harley Quinn is making all the decisions for a team she's not even in and everyone else just goes with it, while making vague comments about her mental capacity.

Wonder Woman: Agent of Peace #1

Commitment to Chaos

During a run-in with a villainous crime syndicate, Wonder Woman learns about a hit list whose biggest target is a familiar name – Harley Quinn! Can the Champion of Paradise Island track down the Clown Princess of Crime before it’s too late?

Writers: Conner/Palmiotti
Artist: Miranda

Colours: Hi-Fi

April 2020

There's not a lot of variation in these two covers, Wonder Woman looking "off-screen" at whatever threat she's countering. Harley Quinn acting tough behind her, and in BOTH covers manages to make direct eye contact with the reader. I'm not the biggest fan of Conner's artwork.. but good gravy it looks like something from the Louvre next to the horrible body shapes and contortions that the variant gives us. What happened to variant Diana's shoulder and stomach?? Why are variant Harley's boobs looming like visions of doom from the future.... larger than life and certainly larger than her head! 

I first became aware of this comic from the Wonder Woman fan page on Facebook, and the majority of comments were "Why is Harley here? She's way over-saturated" which  is true, she really is. Combined with the fact that both the former writers and artist hail from the Harley Quinn solo series, there is not a doubt in my mind that Wonder Woman is going to get sidelined in her own series. 

The last time these two got involved it was like a really weird fan fiction where not only was Wonder Woman sidelined, but she was really out of character for the sake of having her team up with the Brooklyn Babbler. 

Well, I'm wearing my Wonder Woman shirt.. let's see if this issue is at least better than that time. 

Opening on Wonder Woman wandering through some city - we get some exposition about buildings collapsing randomly followed by some real estate fraud but it doesn't say where she is. I haven't kept up as late with the current Wonder Woman but she used to be based around Washington DC either for her museum or Dept. of Metahuman affairs, New York for her embassy or Boston for her agency.. 

I guess we're in generic USA City. Wonder Woman looks a bit like a strung out supermodel and because it wouldn't be a Conner/Palmiotti book without it, there's obligatory scenes of both gushing fan girls and authoritarian-stereotypical tough guys for the heroine to beat up. 

DC Universe Harley Quinn #59

Sooo... emancipated Harley wears a belt saying Puddin's Harley. That's totally cool, I guess. Apart from that, I like the details in her hands, the shadow effect is nice.. but it loses points for Harley's mother being shoe-horned in there when you know it's never going to change her high opinion of her angelic daughter. Some points back because Nathan couldn't give a shit. Does she even still have that stupid dog?

And no, not this time, crazy weeaboo style cover! This one is not as appealing as the last one. Your tubular body with melon boobs offends me and I don't understand what's happening in the background.

Getya tongue outta yer teeth unless you legitimately have food stuck in there!!



The first page is a bit jarring - Harley is dreaming about passing the trials and being a cosmic badass...while jumping over a crowd of well moisturised hands but the way she goes about it is just so vain!

"Brooklyn's favourite daughter, Harley Quinn...."

"I look so cool and hot!"

"Listen ta them, they love me!" 

This bugs me. (tee hee) But seriously, when has Harley faced any real opposition for being who she is? Let's face it, everyone gives her a pass, everyone apparently adores her, and she's never had to go through any cosmic shite to get to this point.
Still..... here we are apparently.

Watching an extreme close-up of Harley's eyeball like it's a horror movie, listening to her say she fell asleep on the comfy couch when she's clearly in a bed, then she goes to her en suite. So she's in her bedroom. Then oh no, she's got a bug head when she looks in the mirror!

Flashback to a day ago, where Harley is again swarmed by her adoring Legions, merely for standing on a stage about to be dunked. People even have the same foam gloves that Miley Cyrus tainted back in the day. So... this is for charity.. but I assume people have paid money for these, money that is probably going into Harley's pocket as we haven't heard otherwise.

So is her more recent fame based off her short lived faux-youTube series, that time she ran for Mayor or when she had her goon squad of stereotypes that tried to help the city but normally ended up making things worse. It's still really unclear if people realise she's that Harley Quinn that hung out with the Joker and what not.. every now and then someone says to her "grr grr you're a criminal grr grr" and Harley just goes "No, I've changed. Hmph!" and struts out to waves of applause from the general populace of Coney Island who just don't care about all the crap she's brought to their city since Harley "left her life of crime behind."

* montage of all the people Harley has killed or dismembered, the time she kept throwing her animal's excrement over the town, when she maimed people because she wanted to win a sports game, where she wreaked her SJW-type justice against people but in a way that was too extreme, every time she jumped at a chance to make her own life better but had dire consequences for other citizens (think Little Black Books, etc) and all the times she caused property damage*

DC Universe Harley Quinn #57

Alright, getting back into this. I've put it off for so long, I began to lose sense of self, sense of time, sense of smell... boy, it was pretty harsh. I don't even remember what happened in the last issue... unless it was that Christmas one, in which case it can go die in a fire because it sucked harder than any other made for TV Christmas special.

Right.. first cover, Harley looking guilty, covered in blood and her one redeemable tattoo from Suicide Squad - about to be attacked by Batman. Oh, sorry. HUNTED. HUNTED by Batman. I feel attacked is better, because how much hunting would it take to track down some gal covered in blood, standing over the corpse and holding the smoking gun as it were, when there is nothing else in this cover universe apart from Harley, Batman and the corpse? Second/variant cover is just Harley doing some random 'hey I have a gun! 'Murica!' pose and doesn't include Batman at all. Which means either the artist can't draw Batman, couldn't think of a good cover that made use of Batman or this cover was just a generic one someone pumped out that could have been put on any issue.

Both covers look okay though, I guess. Especially compared to the interior art.

I mean - in a nutshell - this is why I can't stand Timms.
This whole page.

First up the SUPER splash page with elongated Harley... and her obligatory thousand of speech bubbles exposition dump or waxing lyrical about some star or something while feeling so sorry for herself. Is she supposed to be praying or wishing on a star?

 Then, two smaller panels. One with her sort of looking around at something that we have no idea is there - there are no visual clues or sound effects to cause her to look around - and the second small panel I feel is redundant, it should have been included in the first small panel (along with a valid reason for her to butcher the English language) because she's basically doing the same thing - she hasn't even turned her head.

If I'd drawn this same page - I would have had maybe two larger panels instead of the splash. One with Harley talking to herself, not some stupid star - about how tough she's finding it and that she needs a break/isn't sure what to do etc. The second panel could be a continuance of this, but in the background - maybe we see something like a shooting star. This catches Harley's eye and prompts her to (in a long, single frame at the bottom) turn around and go "whoa, what was that?" which would lead up to her seeing what it was on the next page.

Or, if they were going to stick to their stupid star light star bright stuff because of what happens in the issue, why not show a shooting star in the sky behind her on that large splash?

I mean, it's not rocket science.

They can't even get her colours right, still. Sigh. 

DC Universe Harley Quinn #56

Okay.. I feel like we have already had a cover like this with Harley recently. Or maybe two if you count the 'We are Robin' "parody" in that. Then it's got the obligatory 'who let the somethings out' asked perhaps un-ironically. Probably wouldn't be too bad but.. the cats.... don't look like cats.

They kinda look like stuffed animals with some poor sod's false eyeballs. Clearly they ran out of poses for said pussy posse and they sneakily amended them slightly with different colours, hid them in the background... maybe moved a limb or two. I just can't get past Harley's freakishly tiny hands. .....urrgh.

Second cover is okay.. makes me wish it was 'who let the hyenas out' because that would be a lot more funny and then maybe, just maybe I could get past that time DC killed Bud and Lou horrifically.* Wait... where's the other hyena? Gasp!!!


So we open up on Harley staggering down the street for some reason. Is this to do with Christmas? Who knows? Anyway she gets some horrible Pepto-Bismol laced hot dog because apparently to be American is to eat partial meat substances with the antidote at the same time. Then it's back to the office! By which we mean her home? So why did she leave in the first place? Who knows..?

Now here's the part I have a problem with. She has...gained a cat allergy! *comedic shenanigans ensue* I know it's not impossible.. why, my best friend recently started reacting to her cat and they've had that furry bastard for like a decade! Harley doesn't act like this is a recent development though.. although she sure didn't mention it when she used to have that whole spare floor filled with dogs, cats, birds and a metric tonne of their poop!

Well it's relevant because she now has to evict some tenant's cats. As we all know, I skipped a good load of these comics because I couldn't stand the bastardising last 'creative' team. So.... who the heck is this guy? Was he in the comics recently? Why does he have to get rid of his cats (who appear to be talented) when Harley herself got to have the aforementioned poop-level filled with dogs that literally ate humans... when she had that poop catapult shooting crap over the city she 'loved' so much.. how she had chickens, puppies and rotting beavers in her apartment...

What a hypocrite!!

DC Universe Harley Quinn #55

*Sucks in breath* H'ooookay. Christmas issue. Here we go.

Right... standard comic character harasses Santa in a Christmas themed outfit. Well, she added baubles to her collar... like that wouldn't be impractical, itchy and awkward. Like her weird pom pom laces! That's nearly it's own death trap! Apart from that it's just her ordinary roller derby outfit. I really feel like this suit just doesn't get washed enough on a daily basis. Still, it's better than her weird Christmas rocket suit elf thing. Let's hope that monstrosity doesn't come back! Plus, this cover hurts me seeing things like 'plush toys for the hyenas that DC killed off horrifically' and the 'good old jester costume that my mom trashed a few issues back' on her Christmas list. Plus, how short AND wide is Santa's chair? All the better to hold your tiny hands up my dear. Other cover is basically Harley spray painting a snowman. It's okay, but I would have thought it would be a nice excuse to draw her nostalgic Christmas outfit instead of her wearing uggs and a scarf if it's soooo cold, right?

I like her jacket though, and how the interior quilt looking pleat is like diamonds.. I still don't get why she's got stars on her boobs like pasties, how do you screw up a deck of cards theme like you did her colours? You've got most of it in your logo, mate!

Ohh... yay... the space elf from Christmas hell costume.... it's made a reappearance.... whyyyyyy

Just like the weird Timms art and the zillion and one speech bubbles. This is going to be more painfully awkward than that time Rudolph asked Harley for his nose back.

Suicide Squad New52 #20

Hello, Harley people!

This blog is going to be about, well, Suicide Squad #20. Duh, pay attention. Now, I did a review of this one aaaaaages ago, so here's a link if you'd like to read it in full. Otherwise, there'll be snippets of what I thought were apt or witty thoughts about it. These'll be in a different colour to the rest of the body, so if my paragraphing doesn't make sense... Y'know. Well, that's my excuse anyway.

It's important to note that from this issue and moving forward, the series had a new writer in Ales Kot. As you'd know from previous reviews, I had a few issues with Adam Glass' writing for this series. I'm not entirely blaming him for this dank ass series but he definitely had a major hand in it.
So, it's been a while. Was Kot any better? Let's find out.

July 2013
"Discipline and Punishment Pt 1 of 2"
Writer: Ales Kot
Artist: Patrick Zircher
Colours: Jason Keith

Y'know, I used to review these all the time before it became way too hard - it's a whole new level trying to type something when your arms keep getting thrown up in the air and my typist left because she thought I was swearing at her when I read this stuff. However, now there's a new brain-head doing the series I thought I'd give it another go.


The cover art here shows some wannabe flesh, a sad little skeleton still holding on to the freaking grenade. There are times in life where it pays to drop the ball. Or pear shaped object with a pin.
Around Skeletor is little photos of the Squad, in case we forget who they are. For a 'secret' team, there sure is a lot of this photo stuff going on. That's a problem for another day. Me? I can't get past Hardly Quinn's ugly piggy nose and the fact that Deadshot looks like a scrapped plan for a robot in a third rate sci-fi show.

Now as well as a new writer, we also have some new characters. We met the Unknown Soldier last issue but there's also new inmates (or inmates we didn't previously have the budget to see) as well as Waller's new minion. Waller is going all out, as she also has a plan to break in the current Squad because it took about 20 issues for her to realise that this Squad is useless.

DC Universe Harley Quinn #53

Well again with the serial comic posting.. I feel like every time I'm on here I'm looking at these instead of reviewing anything else Harley Related. This issue though..

I was actually enjoying the last two issues but this one is something else, but like, not in a good way.

First cover gives a good indication of what the story's about but I think it could have done without the speech bubble. Get it? What's better than seeing your parents naked or letting out a small fart? Why, increasing your chances of getting shot by playing Russian Roulette! Second cover... looks really familiar. Wasn't there already a cover out very similar to this? Running out of ideas, mayhaps?




Alright so it kicks off in some random school room where everyone stops everything because some kid's phone goes off. Teacher confiscates it but there's an outcry.

Yeah! It could be something important, like the kid's parents calling in an emergency, teach! Don't be so uncool! .....Oh no, wait, it's just some jerk off live-streaming.

Harley and Ivy meet Betty and Veronica #6

Okay - I'll come clean. I totally forgot about this issue. This comic isn't terrible, per se (it's just got questionable perspective and the Freaky Friday thing is a bit over done) but it doesn't make much of an impression either.

So... here we are.

Now I do like the first cover with Ivy and Betty.. Veronica is a bit hit and miss but oh Harley. We get it. You like baseball bats and ridiculous jackets you can't wear properly.
Plus.. 'Riverdale Sucks' ?

Uh, yeah.. creative. You had a massive splash panel - pride of place, even - on the cover and youuuu wasted it with your petty crimes and cheap eye make-up. You could have at least sprayed a pun on the wall! The second cover is a bit.. interesting.

Everyone is so pointy, skinny and angular with weird feet and elbows that it took me a while to realise that the strange thing is supposed to be what they're DOING, not what they look like. I just can't see Ivy going ahead with another stupid, reckless idea like Harley trying to fly with bat arm decorations, and looking so calm at that too.


Now for those playing at home - the big question is... what's the best way to incapacitate these four women? Is it...





A) Loosely tying them back to back with a cell phone in one of their pockets?

B) Loosely tying one's arms behind her back and hoisting her up above the others in a huge pipe so she can wriggle free and wash off the de-powering defoliant in the convenient lake beneath her?

C) Vaguely and probably loosely tying one to some port-a-potties with a chainsaw within reach of herself and the two numbskulls tied back to back.. and within kicking distance of the idiot in the pipeline?

Or.......... D) All of the above?

Yeah - players at home, if you picked D) - you're right! You also kinda cheated because the pictures were there.. but seeing as how D) is also the wrong answer, we'll let this one even itself out.

Good gravy, did these bad guys go to the Scooby Doo School of Dodgy Villains or what?

Suicide Squad New52 #19

June 2013
"Red Rain"

Wow, a Suicide Squad cover that DOESN'T prominently feature Harley Quinn! This issue came out in June 2013 and I am still deeply shocked to this day.

Nevermind. 

Harley Quinn and Gossamer - The Looney Tunes special

I didn't even know this guy had a name. He's kinda like Sweetums, from the Muppets. You know who it is but they're not a main character.

Wait - why is this a thing? They just did the Hanna Barbera cross overs, plus Archie... What's the next cash grab tie in gonna be?

Anyway, the main cover for this cross over no one probably needed is it's usual Conner schlock (her arms are about as long as her legs and her eyes look frickin' weird) but the variant by Quinones?

I've told you guys I love the Quinones Quinn? He's even got her in the costume she wore in the 25th Anniversary special!

Both in scenes from the actual comic but the variant looks a lot more natural and fun.

Harley Quinn/Gossamer - a Hairy Predicament!
Aug 2018

Synopsis:

A violent storm leaves a large crate washed up on the beach at Coney Island. When Harley breaks it open to see what’s inside, she suddenly has a new playmate to add to her cast of friends-a large, furry, orange beast called Gossamer. It’s all fun and games until a giant robot attacks them. But who sent it? Harley immediately suspects only one man, but is it really The Joker behind this destructive rampage?


Now this special is still written by Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti because apparently when you leave a project you can't actually leave it. I wish they would. Every issue they write is pretty much a personal affront to me. Although if they hate me as much as I hate their bland world and shitty characters.. well it explains a lot. What a vicious cycle.

Some things I noticed about this issue.. it's not as outright shit as much of this duo's crap normally is. I suspect DC felt the heavy hand of Warner Brothers/Looney Tunes here. That said, it's still pretty weird. For one thing, the opening shot is Harley sitting on a Joker head inflatable. The second thing is Coney Island's beach actually has clear waters. I've never been there, but I've heard enough jabs about it to know it's not exactly paradise.

Then....

Yeah... see, this is why I'm not a fan of the whole ship with Poison Ivy. I won't go into a rant about how she's about as good as the Joker is when looking for a spouse but even this lobotomised version of Poison Ivy is just.. ugh.

Okay. If I wanted to read a comic about relationships I'd go and find a romcom or a good manga.
Strangers in Paradise, Ranma 1/2, Fruits Basket, Rachel Rising.... I could go on.
I don't crack open a supervillain comic to read about some asshole sighing wistfully, catching ordinary civilian trains, making phone calls and making sure their apartment is okay.

Splat! Promotional Comic: Suicide Blonde - The Suicide Squad prequel

2016
Writer: Tony Bedard
Pencils: Tom Derenick
Inks: Juan Albarran

So here's a review of a promotional comic that DC did alongside Splat!. Splat! is a hair dye brand. Seems like a match made in heaven given Harley's recent.. infatuation with.. changing her hair colour every five minutes. I recall Splat! advertisements in some of my older comics so they've probably been close to the superhero and pop culture scene for a while.

Let's have a look.

Urrrrggggghhh. First page is a full spread of Harley Quinn in her cell at Belle Reve. Do you remember the trailers for Suicide Squad, and the scenes in the movie where she does her little acrobatic act half naked before she gets all Miley Cyrus with licking things, then she head butts her cell because she's frustrated about her sleeping conditions? Well here's more of that! And still no-one questioning why she's essentially making a noose in her cell and giving herself dodgy prison tatts.

Waller comes past and she forces Harley to reminisce on being outside, in the fresh air and sunlight... so, money on the table, I'm shocked didn't include Harley receiving sunburn harder than any given ginger. Oh, my apologies she said nightlife.

I first looked at this and I was like.. what the hell is this? Then I remembered, Suicide Squad Harley Quinn and Joker are #relationshipgoals! Yeah! The one thing I wish my relationships had more of are stereotypical conversations about the girl not being ready fast enough while the girl imagines how a red drape would work on her as a dress. Then the boy can stand around and front about being so gangsta while constantly checking his watch. Yes... relationship goals. Sure..

See, that's the thing about the whole 'gangsta' Joker - he has to have a moll and be seen on the social scene instead of being the classic villain we know that just goes out and does crime that he's planned out meticulously or perhaps made up on the fly because he thought of something funny...
he wouldn't really care if Harley was there or not.

Suicide Squad New 52 #17 Twisted Up By The Red Orchid

April 2013

Oh my gosh that cover though.. I like the tree hands, that is cool but what is even happening with Harley Quinn? She looks a bit like someone made a paper mache version of her as she appears in the New52 Suicide Squad but then went and put Barbie doll clothes on her that don't fit as expected..

Well to be fair that costume never seems to fit her anyway but what I'm getting at is that this cover Harley looks quite a bit munted. As well as that, Red Orchid looks pretty docile and expressionless for someone 'twisting up' an entire Squad. I don't even get the name... have you seen orchids before? They're the most ornamental things ever, beautiful as they are. I guess you have to get in early to get all the good plant villain personas.

The comic itself jumps us into Chinatown where Harley, Deadshot, Yo-Yo, Voltaic and King Shark are busy doing full head shots and what's supposed to be witty battle banter. Yo-Yo makes a weird comparison between King Shark and Chris Rock. I didn't get it then and I don't get it now. It just seems like someone told the writers to chuck in a random pop culture reference. I don't think Chris Rock even did much in 2013 to be thrown in there as a one liner... did he?

The mysteries of the New52. Will we ever truly understand what drugs they were on? Mmmm....no.
Could be the same drugs that made them think that these dipshits could annihilate a bunch of Shaolin style gang members. Deadshot mistakes them for Japanese Samurais directly after referring to Chinatown in Cantonese.. but he's really not doing so well on the cultural knowledge front for a world travelling assassin is he?

Suicide Squad New 52 #16 Death is for Suckers!

Here we are again with the Suicide Squad. Now last time we saw them they were either doing some jungle thing with Basilisk or they were fighting Joker. Not even sure we can count either as proper continuity but whatever. Here they are in hospital at Belle Reve/Reeve. this can only mean one thing... oh no, FLASHBACKS!

Yep, now they're back in Mexico. Harley is all mushy that Deadshot shot himself instead of her and now she's demanding to carry his corpse back to base because reasons. King Shark talks a lot more in this issue but I'm guessing that's only because Iceberg and the others are a little out of it. He's also a bit nonsensical.

Captain Boomerang says one line and King Shark gets all uppity telling him to shut up before he (racial slur about Australians and BBQ's) him. Captain Boomerang's not worried - he lives in the Great Southern Land of the Great White Shark and he's used to sharks. To this King Shark replies that he's a Hammerhead and he eats Great Whites like Tic Tacs. Umm...

I'm not sure if King Shark is pointing out his species change from Great White to a Hammerhead - that we're still not sure why this happened - or if the writers actually don't know the difference between these two sharks.

Cute head, eats like rays and shit

Holy giant teeth Batman!

Yeah, um.. no. I don't think your species is gonna dominate Great Whites any time soon, King Shark. Try throwing your bravado around when it makes sense.
We just get past this nonsense and then Captain Boomerang and Harley have to blurt out some stupid line about spankings which just seems so out of place in the panel, like it was just crammed in there to be like "Oh, they're totally a team just hazing each other! Also, our token female Harley is kinky!" Blegh.

Grey Lora teleports in from somewhere and starts fronting like "I should'a killed youse when I had the chance!" Don't remember Grey Lora? Hey, I wish I was in that boat. She's not even wearing grey... like what the hell? Anyway, that editor I like sooooo much has put in a kind note about what issue we can find her originally in. Not that that explained anything about her apart from she exists and is like.. there.

Suicide Squad New52 #15

#15 Joker puts his back out!

This cover has always annoyed me. For one thing, Harley's pose.. as usual, is awkward as hell and she's wearing that painted on vinyl. Her eye make-up is not it's usual black but that weird blue colour it turns when the artist no longer cares about the image. Joker meanwhile looks like his stupid stapled on face is having an epiphany about how stupid this whole thing is. At least he's in his purple suit and not that stupid mechanic's outfit, I guess.

The headline is "psychos in love!" like any of that is correct, and they're in an oddly shaped circle while playing cards of the other losers fall around them.

Now, if you'll recall the last issue of Suicide Squad # 14 - Harley had just been chain-choked in a dick 'to be continued' moment, and that was just after the events of Batman #14.











Where it actually fits into continuity is beyond me because this means that right after dissing Joker and having a strange heart to heart with Batman - Harley wanders off to where she knows Joker is and has been watching. Then at some stage, Batman blows his way out of the chemical vat but this is neither seen nor heard in Suicide Squad #15 - where both Joker and Harley are revealed to still be chilling at ACE Chemicals. Joker has also found time to juggle having torture porn with Harley and being at the Gotham reservoir taunting Batman?

Speaking of torture porn, Harley is less than two minutes into chain strangulation and chill when she decides to reminisce on how great and historical Joker is while in the meantime a wide variety of rats close in on her half dead body.

Aren't there healthier things to eat, rats? Like.. sewerage debris? Poison? 

Oh, she's not dead just passed out. Enough to be dragged from the bowels of the factory to what I presume is a few stories higher? Since when does Joker have the strength for that?
Anyway, she hallucinates he's the classic Joker while telling him she had an awful dream, and he was there, and she was there, then he reveals himself to be new shitty Joker. His eyes are still acid green, not the messed up half white half blue they are in the other comics.

So... he's got Harley tied to a stretcher, straight-jacketed, teetering on the edge of a convenient hole in the floor that drops down into another vat of acid. Damn, this guy is a one trick pony. Making a sidekick? Vat of acid. Killing Batman? Vat of acid. Killing sidekick? Vat of acid. Relaxing afternoon with the family? Vat of acid. Change the frickin' record!
Why is this even his plan? He couldn't even kill Harley the first time, what the hell is it going to do to her this time around??

.................................................................................um, let's hope and pray not.

Suicide Squad New52: #14

Where we last left off, Deadshot shot himself dead.. oh hey look at that.
**laughs for ten minutes complete with knee slapping and near choking**
H'oh boy. That was good. Aaaahh... I needed that before I get into....

"Running with the devil" Jan 2013

Yeah anyway, that happened so now we have another tie in comic! This time it's for Death of the Family - a Joker-centric cross over instead of just Resurrection Man (which I still haven't read, I really hope it keeps the editors awake at night!!)

By the power of greyscale!

Yikes. That's so not right. 

The cover is standard for this event, obviously with different faces depending on which comic you read. It really bothers me how Harley seems to have a more greeny-teal colour to her eyes and a friggin' Glasgow and or Chelsea smile. Also no neck. Good luck eating anything, you clown.

Anyway, somehow the Squad is allowed out of their cells to attend a funeral for Deadshot. I see his family isn't present though. It couldn't have been too short notice though because Harley's had time to go shopping for a funeral corset. Between that and the fact that the angel looks an awful lot like Adam of He-Man fame.. I sure don't know what to make of this funeral.

I mean, damn! I love to dabble in buckles and fishnets but that outfit is the kind of thing super Goths would look at and say whoa man, don't you think you should tone it down a little?
Where would she even FIND that? Did she make it? If so, good gravy why? Where's her belly button? Was her make-up shithouse and runny before she started crying? Why does Harley Quinn wear inappropriate attire to every funeral she attends since the whole New52 thing started?

Predictably - every graveside visit must be followed by rain. This time, it's green rain. Ooh, I wonder what THAT means? A low rent rip off of The Last Laugh? A 'surprise' cameo that no one will be surprised about? Terrible characterisation between Joker and Harley? All of the above?

Yep.

Clown thugs get fatter, Joker gets skinnier.