Harley Quinn And The Birds Of Prey #2

Well here am I, sat in front of an uphill battle of reviewing something that is admittedly out of date and even after a long hiatus I'm out of patience for. Self loathing is a trip, I tell ya. 

August 2020

Same as last issue, written by Palmiotti and Conner again with Conner still doing the art. As you probably know by reading nearly any of my blog posts (another fun word for them is rants!) these guys aren't my favourites. Conner's art is fairly clean, which I appreciate but... 

Eh. As much as the taglines like to spout that these guys really push the boundaries, push the envelope, push the shopping trolleys, push the fourth wall and anything else that needs a shove... they really don't. This is the exact same as their other Harley Quinn run - from the cover layout that I've seen a million times before, the over explained re-cap with a zillion speech bubbles, the billion other characters that Harley is given precedence over, the trillion times we're reminded that Harley is now a crass horndog who really doesn't care about anyone else and the bajillion times we have to hear the same unfunny beaver jokes. 

If I can say something nice about the cover, it's that I like the Harley grenade and the logo is fairly inoffensive. The rest is just... really generic and flat. It's clear Conner loves making this art... but I know she can do better (well, maybe) and not be as lazy as this. 

So, as mentioned earlier we have a huge recap complete with over dramatic Harley even though nothing really happened in the last issue. Well things did happen, but it's nothing that Harley cares about, it's just a lame pretense for her to run away from her girlfriend troubles or the mundane issues like helping her friends recover and find a home because she wants revenge on the eeeevil loan mob she chose to deal with, even though she literally just murdered a huge bunch of them and didn't pay them the money she owed because she was off trying to simultaneously smooch and kill Ivy. 

This is not me being a Harley hater. This is me re-capping what the Harley in this series alone has done. She decided her best course of action was to take a fun road trip to get away from her immediate problems instead of helping her friends and co-workers. 

The Gang of Harleys almost died, they're homeless and with the exception of maybe Coach - they've lost their FREAKING EYEBALLS! 

It just got straight up Little Orphan Annie in here! 

DC Universe Harley Quinn #62

Alright, this one I've been putting off for a while because just reading this comic exhausted me. More on that later.

Anyway, first cover is fine I guess, but the Enchantress' face is scarier than I think the artist intended. Plus, is Harley offended at being called an idiot or is she so far removed from being a jester now that she has no idea what 'fool' means in context?

Cho's cover is a lot better than normal - actually fits the comic's theme and does a good job. It's still weird seeing Harley in the classic costume but not wearing her domino mask. It's like leaving the house not wearing shoes or something. Weird. Doable depending on where you're going, but still like... weird. Also Catwoman's helmet straps dangling seem like an unusual liability for her.

So - why am I exhausted?

Well....

This is page one. 

Did we not get rid of this million speech bubbles bull crap already? And for good reason? 

I'm not the kind of person to baulk at reading - I love reading, and I read fast. I read comics, novels of fiction and non, magazines, blogs, newspapers, flyers, cereal boxes, the really small fine print you get in contracts, HELL - I'm that person that actually reads the pamphlets that come with medication! 

So it's not just the sheer amount of words that are a problem, it's the obnoxious way it's shoved in our faces, complete with randomly sized and differently coloured key points so you don't fall asleep reading the damn thing. 

So, to break it down - Harley - talking to us via the fourth wall - recaps the WHOLE last issue again. She does this while literally being burnt at the stake because PRIORITIES, clearly. Then the whole thing is supposed to be her 'testimony' to Tina, trying to prove she's not crazy. Harley's supposed to be smarter than this, like PhD smart, yet she can't take a second to read the room? She KNOWS people here don't understand her, yet she makes no effort, even when her life and the life of Catwoman is on the line, to pretend to be normal and speak clearly?

Would you talk the same to the CEO of your company as you would to a toddler? How about an astrophysicist versus a grade schooler? An English literature professor against an immigrant who knows only basic translations? Your best friend or your worst enemy?

NO. 

Suicide Squad New52 #23 - Overkill

Oct 2013
"Slash 'n' Burn"
Writer: Ales Kot
Pencils: Rick Leonardi

I'll be honest with ya'll.... this cover looks familiar but I don't recall ever reading this issue before now. Is that good or bad? Honestly not too sure. Maybe I did read but but forgot about it? Who knows. This cover is basically a representation of the Squad's teamwork style - all doing their thing without factoring in what the rest are doing and if it's safe to jump in with your claws when someone's either shooting a gun or aiming a RPG at your intended trajectory point...

I mean, it's not a bad cover - I kinda like the stark white contrast of the background compared to the colourful outfits of the cast. I am concerned about the body shapes of the women though... Cheetah looks like she has no strength in her arms and is painfully contorted. Harley - well, still awkward pre-pubescent boy body yet huge boobs but with the addition of super weird pigtails. Deadshot is squished off to the corners because his outfit's not revealing enough.

Back in Louisiana, Waller and Gordon are having a heart to heart. It's kinda nice seeing Waller having someone she can talk to and not just exposition over or constantly have to compete in urination contests with. Well, that still happens but the conversation here between the maniacal control freak and the one eyed obsessive mother-lover seems quite genuine, and not forced.

Well... it still gets weird. Gordon takes a break out of talking to Waller to monologue his favourite Foreigner song even after she compliments him and tells him she respects him.

New52 Grifter vs Suicide Squad

So for a change of pace, thought I might take a look back at the earlier incarnations of the New52 Suicide Squad and their tentative steps into the world of cross overs. I am not a Grifter fan, in case you were wondering. I don't know anything about him apart from his cheap Spidey-Poole costume, fondness for guns and a code name that implies he's dodgy as a backstreet lung.

Feb 2013

Action packed cover. If you're wondering why the artist forgot to draw a bunch of arms holding those guns, it's because Grifter is telekenetic... because of course he is. Still doesn't excuse his lazy costume.

Opening up on some sort of briefing which we're later shown is a recording being shown to Waller alone, we're shown a red haired girl with green eyes and told this is the target, and she's joined some sort of alien cult because how else would she spend her Saturday night?

Anyway, the first picture of the girl is her in a green singlet, then the rest of the panels show her singled out in the middle of the room, then there are two more panels with a girl with red hair and green eyes, yet sitting at the front here and with a different dress.

Plus the people she's sitting next to are swapped out. Soo.... is the red head the same girl the whole time? Is the first image a stock photo and the rest is the 'live' scene? It's confusing. The art's not too bad though.





Waller gets chewed out for a past mission failure and then we're back into the action, watching Grifter run and monologue at the same time. Oh, and also dodging bullets. I wonder who's shooting at this guy? Could it be....

Yes! It's Shooty Robot, Fire Skull and Emo Levitating clown!
Oh lawd, doesn't Harley's face remind you of that time Dc released all the 'Arkham City/Harley's Revenge' tie ins and promos, and she was just constantly either crying or having dripping eyeliner? Wait, is this a nod to sad clowns? Well, either way her pose is stupid and she looks more wannabe emo than a dramatic-comedic persona. Also, Grifter and Deadshot have the same pose more or less.
Also Harley's quip would probably make more sense if she wasn't from Gotham and had a history of breaking into Arkham herself.

Still, as much as Harley's pose and face freaks me out... it's not as bad as the next page.

Birds of Prey (and the fantabulous emancipation of one Harley Quinn) Trailer #1

Today I watched the Birds of Prey trailer.
Kinda wish I hadn't.
Well... this will be an ultimate breakdown, and believe me, when you screen cap this stuff you realise how much time is spent yet again on Harley as opposed to the rest of the motley crew.
Also how much everyone slags the Birds of Prey TV show when this looks to be in the same vein.




Hardly Quinn walks down a neon street asking someone if they know what a harlequin is.

She goes on to explain in a weird, drunken voice that 'a harlequin's role is to serve, they're nothing without a master.' Actually, harlequins were more like advisers to royalty and were the only ones who could basically tell the king he was a frickin' gobshite without losing their head over it.

Cut to Huntress in a old looking church for like a split second.

Back to Hardly Quinn in a bar after she got drunk and fell into a pile of sequins and diamontes.

She's talking to the race swapped Black Canary... who is apparently a smoker? Um, lady - your lungs? The ones you need to screm? Alright, good luck scremin' loud with laryngitis.

"Gurl, don't even try to talk to me, you a mess."

Hardly tells Canary; 'No one gives two shits who we are beyond that.' Ah, this is some meta reference that no-one cares who the Birds are because Hardly is taking all their screen time.

WB/DC logos in that miserable half pink half blue dye job that would otherwise get you dropped from beauty school.
Hardly cuts her pigtails... slightly? I guess this is character development in her mind.

"Sometimes I cut myself.. but I'm not splitting hairs over it."

'The Joker and I... broke up.' Cut to a terrible drawing of the Joker as seen in his original comic form being stabbed and slashed. Ironic that his image is damaged, yet his tattoo is mysteriously absent. Hmm.

"Screw you for leaving me out of your great movie, Pheonix!"

Hardly throws more knives at it and it turns out she's a pretty bad shot.
Cut to Gotham apparently half on fire and what could be Montoya sashaying towards the flames.

Only a split second mind. Who cares what new catastrophe has befallen Gotham now because HARDLY HAS BOYFRIEND TWUBBLES!
'Need a new start but as it turns out I wasn't the only gal in Gotham looking for emancipation.'

**Black Canary intensifies**

Batgirl #18 'O, Harley Night!'

Judging by the snow and the red and green coloured title, it's already going to be an American Christmas. Why did I specify that? Because I'm English, but now live in Australia.. where the concept of it snowing at Christmas, which is generally the meltiest time of the year but it's because the heat soars higher than any sleigh, and the drops falling are just filthy sweat... not snow.

There is a reason why we amend our Santas to look like this;

for if we don't... THEY SUFFER FROM OVERHEATING. 

So the general or popular opinion that you have to be buried in ten feet of snow for it to be actually Christmas gets a bit grating at times but yeah, sure, it's set in American and it's comics so sure. Ok.

But of course - our Harley is still running around wearing her usual outfit and ... a scarf?
Like - OH NO, It's cold! Better wear a scarf with fluffy boots and not like... do my jacket up or.. heaven forbid, wear pants or something covering my midriff!

She also adds purple and green leggings to her already horrible mish mash of red/black/pink/blue. Why? Who knows. Also not a massive fan of the change of Batgirl costume. I know - I'm behind the times there and it does seem to suit her more youthful appeal but you just can't beat the classics.
Also, how did Harley beat Batgirl to the point where she's just casually looking up at this arse clown while her back is surely breaking? And that my friends, is a 'too soon' for me moment.

Variant cover is alright, Harley is channelling Joker in the face but it's still better than wearing a band-aid on her mug like in cover one. At least here she commits to the Christmas theme and goes full red and green - even though she's wearing booty shorts, at least her jumper is done up and she's wearing warm gloves. The jingle bell belt is nice and I approve of the pigtail fluffy scrunchies and the the British looking old school lamps in the snow, however it seems like Batgirl was drawn by a different artist? And why is her hair made of spray paint? Still, the little gift-bomb is a nice touch.

So - why is this happening?  Let's have a look.

DC Universe: Harley Quinn #60

Holy crap, this issue only has one cover that I can tell! I don't
actually know what to do with myself..
There is so much confusion in my life right now and I honestly don't know what's real or not. Is up down, and vice versa? Is there a spoon? Is the world actually flat but not as bad ass as Discworld?

No, wait, I lied. Or rather, I was misled. There is a second cover where a fancy Harley contemplates killing a bat. I don't see why you would go to the trouble of dressing up like that and then keeping your normal hair style. Right? Keep it period appropriate.



Ohhhh... I see what happened here.... Harley's variant got kicked off of the digital copy I had to make room for Shazam! movie advertising. I still haven't seen that yet. Oh well. The ordinary cover's fine.. I guess. Nothing to write home about, it's not even a good parody of an overblown action movie because I'm sure I've seen at least ten other covers in her solo series just like this. Plus we're back with another speech bubble "pun". Like, it's too generic and so far over into 'Not Trying Land' ... why should we care?
Also Harley's ribs are visible through and over her tube top. That's... probably not good.

In fact, this whole issue is an up and down mixed bag of something. It constantly brings in a cool concept with the benefit of nice art, but then keeps dragging itself down with the terminal stupid and a bad case of the 'whatever, this is good enough to churn out an issue with'.

Starting off with a alien/horror movie setting jumping on from the ten seconds we saw of S.T.A.R. labs Coney freakin' Island last time. She's freaking out saying she's trapped and being hunted.. everything's dark and she's alone. This is good, it's a great set up and it makes you wonder how she got in this situation. It makes you wonder what she's going to encounter. It makes you wonder if this is real because Harley's being unusually sombre.

Then you realise that she's probably only in this situation so her fancy alien ray guns can match her stupid hair colour.

Then you get told this is what she's doing and why she's in this mess.

"Hi, it's me, Harley! Trying to be Deadpool by breaking that fourth wall! LOL!! Totally changed since the old stupid classic version of me but I'm still doing crimes! For my mom! Who has cancer! Haven't mentioned that in a while! You know my mom has cancer. Cancer mom!
Yeah, remember how she's already being treated by competent doctors? And how she tells me not to do anything stupid?? Lulz here I am breaking in to find some random magical cure I just invented in my head because there's no proof such a thing exists in this place! Or even if this building existed prior to today! So random!@! Rawr!!"

Porn Parody - Digital Playground's Suicide Squad

I have dipped my toe in, why not get the whole foot wet?
Uhh... that's supposed to be a pool analogy... maybe it doesn't work the best with a porn review.

Yes, I reviewed the other major one - Axel Braun's  version so now it's Digital Playground's turn.

This one stars Aria Alexander as Harley and Isiah Maxwell as Deadshot.

Now right off the bat - tee hee - you can tell this one is basically a vehicle for the Harley Quinn actress - Aria Alexander. The intro credits - even though very small, only show stylised images of Harley and hardly mentions a squad. There's the briefest of plots thrown our way as well... something about Lex Luthor in Gotham? It's not impossible.. but you know he's a Superman villain in Metropolis, right? Guys?

So we open with just Harley and Deadshot (like, there's REALLY no Squad at all, huh?) and first off I have an issue with Deadshot's headpiece.

My what a big... eyepiece... you have. Ain't that thing heavy? Harley's wig is not the best either. It's not the worst of the worst (Suicide Squad joke, anyone?) but every now and then you see the fake looking super shiny blonde-ness, or when she goes to flip her pigtail over her shoulder and the whole freaking thing shifts dramatically.

Perhaps I should mention that this thing is just over half an hour. So, what is the story?

DC Universe Harley Quinn #58

Standard cover here was to be expected - every time Harley catches up with Batman and ISN'T attacking him without provocation, she's trying to be a Robin of sorts. So, par for the course here. It's okay, but predictable and overdone. Variant cover is visually stunning... although riding a purple bike covered in Joker stamps and wearing a 'Puddin'' collar probably isn't the best way to spend the issue immediately after you spent a lot of time declaring yourself Joker-free.



Also, I feel like a good chunk of Japan just got stereotyped and hard. She also loses points for the shoes, not wearing a helmet, not looking where's she's going, presumably having other tattoos a la Suicide Squad, animal cruelty and for littering those playing cards everywhere. Still, at least it's unique, I guess. Couldn't help but notice one of her eyes has changed colour.... aaaaand they've added purple eye-shadow to her already quite convoluted colour scheme. I do find myself quite liking this cover as a one off though.

Now.. where we left off, Harley was being apprehended by Batman because she's a suspect in a murder. It rather looked like a parent putting a child in time out, but worse because she's a grown woman who just attacked Batman with a bat, man, because she was too impatient to listen.
 Then... She's not even handcuffed in the Batmobile? Then... she's just allowed to run free in the Batcave? Like.... did I miss something? Oh right, normal rules don't apply to Harley Quinn.

I mean, at first it looks like she's released to help solve the case, but that can't be right because she later suggests that she helps solve the case and Batman shoots her down. This is Batman - why is he suddenly relaxing his strict protocols? Then he lets himself get handcuffed to Quinn? Why is Batman being written as totally incompetent?




FYI - saying "No body no crime" doesn't exactly make it sound like you're innocent, Harley.
Neither does dismissing motive, opportunity and physical evidence at the scene as 'flimsy.'

First step of the investigation - visiting the murder victim's home... which for some reason, Batman didn't do as a first step by himself. Then he lets Harley do the talking. Clearly, they're going for a second rate buddy cop schtick here so to even get through this I'm going to have to let a lot of things slide. Which, surprisingly isn't an issue for other comics that generally involve super powers. So, that's a thing that happens now.

They meet up with the deceased doctor's house-sitter, who no one bothered to tell that the home owner is dead. Then they go to the crime scene where Harley touches the crime scene and eats a cookie crumb, declaring that suddenly she is a member of a cookie fan club and can note the complexities of the flavour even though they aren't available in her country. So, that's pretty convenient. Not to mention the main murder suspect ate the only evidence and could therefore just make up whatever bullshit she wanted.

Fortunately for her, this leads Batman to a warehouse on the docks that a) imports illegal goods and b) is registered in the dead doctor's name... because that's a smart business move that clearly doesn't warrant any further investigation. It also houses Smylex... because that's a thing that happens and they now label a concoction made by the Joker clearly. Well, points for WHS&S... but only given if they ever cover up that vat that he fell into in the first place with an actual safe cover.

DC Universe Harley Quinn #57

Alright, getting back into this. I've put it off for so long, I began to lose sense of self, sense of time, sense of smell... boy, it was pretty harsh. I don't even remember what happened in the last issue... unless it was that Christmas one, in which case it can go die in a fire because it sucked harder than any other made for TV Christmas special.

Right.. first cover, Harley looking guilty, covered in blood and her one redeemable tattoo from Suicide Squad - about to be attacked by Batman. Oh, sorry. HUNTED. HUNTED by Batman. I feel attacked is better, because how much hunting would it take to track down some gal covered in blood, standing over the corpse and holding the smoking gun as it were, when there is nothing else in this cover universe apart from Harley, Batman and the corpse? Second/variant cover is just Harley doing some random 'hey I have a gun! 'Murica!' pose and doesn't include Batman at all. Which means either the artist can't draw Batman, couldn't think of a good cover that made use of Batman or this cover was just a generic one someone pumped out that could have been put on any issue.

Both covers look okay though, I guess. Especially compared to the interior art.

I mean - in a nutshell - this is why I can't stand Timms.
This whole page.

First up the SUPER splash page with elongated Harley... and her obligatory thousand of speech bubbles exposition dump or waxing lyrical about some star or something while feeling so sorry for herself. Is she supposed to be praying or wishing on a star?

 Then, two smaller panels. One with her sort of looking around at something that we have no idea is there - there are no visual clues or sound effects to cause her to look around - and the second small panel I feel is redundant, it should have been included in the first small panel (along with a valid reason for her to butcher the English language) because she's basically doing the same thing - she hasn't even turned her head.

If I'd drawn this same page - I would have had maybe two larger panels instead of the splash. One with Harley talking to herself, not some stupid star - about how tough she's finding it and that she needs a break/isn't sure what to do etc. The second panel could be a continuance of this, but in the background - maybe we see something like a shooting star. This catches Harley's eye and prompts her to (in a long, single frame at the bottom) turn around and go "whoa, what was that?" which would lead up to her seeing what it was on the next page.

Or, if they were going to stick to their stupid star light star bright stuff because of what happens in the issue, why not show a shooting star in the sky behind her on that large splash?

I mean, it's not rocket science.

They can't even get her colours right, still. Sigh. 

DC Universe Harley Quinn #56

Okay.. I feel like we have already had a cover like this with Harley recently. Or maybe two if you count the 'We are Robin' "parody" in that. Then it's got the obligatory 'who let the somethings out' asked perhaps un-ironically. Probably wouldn't be too bad but.. the cats.... don't look like cats.

They kinda look like stuffed animals with some poor sod's false eyeballs. Clearly they ran out of poses for said pussy posse and they sneakily amended them slightly with different colours, hid them in the background... maybe moved a limb or two. I just can't get past Harley's freakishly tiny hands. .....urrgh.

Second cover is okay.. makes me wish it was 'who let the hyenas out' because that would be a lot more funny and then maybe, just maybe I could get past that time DC killed Bud and Lou horrifically.* Wait... where's the other hyena? Gasp!!!


So we open up on Harley staggering down the street for some reason. Is this to do with Christmas? Who knows? Anyway she gets some horrible Pepto-Bismol laced hot dog because apparently to be American is to eat partial meat substances with the antidote at the same time. Then it's back to the office! By which we mean her home? So why did she leave in the first place? Who knows..?

Now here's the part I have a problem with. She has...gained a cat allergy! *comedic shenanigans ensue* I know it's not impossible.. why, my best friend recently started reacting to her cat and they've had that furry bastard for like a decade! Harley doesn't act like this is a recent development though.. although she sure didn't mention it when she used to have that whole spare floor filled with dogs, cats, birds and a metric tonne of their poop!

Well it's relevant because she now has to evict some tenant's cats. As we all know, I skipped a good load of these comics because I couldn't stand the bastardising last 'creative' team. So.... who the heck is this guy? Was he in the comics recently? Why does he have to get rid of his cats (who appear to be talented) when Harley herself got to have the aforementioned poop-level filled with dogs that literally ate humans... when she had that poop catapult shooting crap over the city she 'loved' so much.. how she had chickens, puppies and rotting beavers in her apartment...

What a hypocrite!!

DC Universe Harley Quinn #54

The main cover isn't horrible.. but it does kinda defeat the purpose of the last issue being spent on ruining Harley's faux-Youtube career. Variant cover.. yeah, it's nice but apart from making me think they ran out of time to finish the colouring in, it gets me rolling my eyes at the 'pumpkin spice' mallet.

I live in Australia, where the only pumpkin flavoured things are our pumpkins, pumpkin scones, pumpkin soup and so forth. One time, I saw a pumpkin spice body spray and in the more American themed coffee shops they do a random pumpkin flavoured thing but it's not very big here. Still, you get the memes about everything being pumpkin-this or pumpkin-that that the mallet being named pumpkin spice is kinda cringey.



Anyway, back to this comic about people (apparently everyone everywhere including Martian G-D Manhunter!! Is it THAT boring in the Watchtower???) watching online videos.
Yep. Groundbreaking stuff alright.

Minor Disaster switched Harley's delete and upload video, so now Harley is ugly-crying in an alley being filmed by said Minor Disaster.

Told ya. 

Harley gets mad, and forgets to use English correctly.

"Ain't nobody with a loser name like Minor Disaster can bring me down low!" she yells, defiant of the fact that she just used a double negative and also that she has an appropriate villain name and has just called the kettle black.

Then she gets super mad about being called a lame Joker rip-off, but I mean you can't deny that, especially if you're keeping the skin bleach.